wh-questions

why does all the bad girls get all the good guys?

why does some people could love somebody and that person love them back too?

why does some people are so lucky?

how do people could stay in a particular relationship so long?

how do people meet and fell in love?

how do they maintain it so long?

why should there be break-ups at the end of the day?

why should heart be broken?

how do heart-broken people feel?

how do those who breaks people's heart feel?

do they feel the pain like how they cause to others?

how do people move on?

how do people settle for another one after the previous one easily?

questions after questions,

answers after answers,

at the end of the day,

there are still unanswered questions,

why can't i be like them?

why can't i feel like them?

how can i be like them?

how can i feel like them again?

why does it still hurt?

how could these tears dare to fall again?

these are the questions that lingers in my mind,

amidst all the workloads that i have been putting myself into to forget these questions,

they still appear at the end of the day.

the questions that have no answers.

the answers with no sense of relief.

at the end of the day, it comes back to me.

only to me.

Jenny~

got used to.

these days,
i caught myself saying, "i got used to it already.."
getting used to something that i have went through in the past,
and getting used of the feelings that i once felt in the past,
somehow makes me think less compared to the past,
makes me feel lesser compared to the past,
because,
i just got used to it.

Jenny~

this girl.

once upon a time, 
there lived lived a lady..
whose always fantasises of being in so many scenarios,
both in happiness and sadness..
sometimes, she wonders if she would be ever be in that situations that she imagined,
but no matter what, she couldnt stop from imagining all kinds of possible scenarios that she might face one day..

so one day, she got her chance to do so..
she went through each and every scenario that she has planned in her head all this while,
she strolled happily and seeing that everything happened according to her scenarios.
but she never knew she would have to go through an unexpected scenario,
the scenario of breaking up..
and then, she moved on..
moving through all the scenarios that she once wanted to feel,
but eventually, now
she wished she didnt go through all those scenarios..

and now, she is back to her usual self,
with plasters and wounds,
she thought she is now smart enough not to do the similar mistakes,
but she is still stupid,
stupid enough to even think of it,
stupid enough to even make a choice that wasnt there at the first place,
stupid enough to get hurt silently,
stupid enough of thinking of moving back to square one after all the things she went through,
and is stupid enough to even think of any impossible possibilities.

stupid girl.
wake up.
be the old "you" back.
coz you need to.
Jenny~

these days.

so i have not been updating this blog for quite some time..
and the main reason was because i'm like so busy,
busy with works, assignments, activities in school and lessons..
and even now, there are like a lot of things uncompleted..

so what's up now?
well, there is one assignment that's gonna be due next week,
proposal that i hasnt even start drafting what more to say handing in,
school's activity that seems like endless,
observations that pop out like pimples without any warnings,
lesson plans that must be completed daily,
and a lot of unknown and unexpected stuffs happening that just makes everything look so busy..

with time constraint and so much pressure form different kinds of sources,
my brain seems to only functioning in thinking about how to settle my work and sleep..
and i started to get used to being single where my brain is like customed to think only about work, money and how to spend my time in relaxing myself..
when people or even my parents ask me about relationship, i would say, after graduate or when i think i found the right one or sometimes, i just laugh it off..
the brain has too much to think of and relationship is definitely not one of it...
maybe getting too used to being alone makes me feel like the old me,
and im kinda worried,
that i would one day forget how to recognise love,
or even put my trust and love on someone again..
im also worried with the walls im building,
i would not be able to let it down for any next person..

timing might be the answer,
but with the walls around me,
i doubt.
Jenny~

believe

sometimes, when i thought i'm all alone without anyone beside me, 
I realised that i actually had my family especially my parents whose always there for me,
when i thought i dont have anyone to talk about my problems and my days,
i realised i have my closest friends around me,
though they can't help me to solve my problems,
their presence means a lot to me,
being able to talk to them though they can't help, make me feel and able to see things much better..
when i thought no one would care about me,
i realised that there is someone who do..

and the feeling of being cared of, though very minimal and only through social networking,
it made me felt,
though one door has been closed,
another door might be opened a bit at a time..
i believe that though He took one away, He would replace the one with someone better..
and all i could do, is to have faith in His plans,
and let things happen in its own course..
love would always prevail itself to those whose patient.

Jenny~

sharing

clearly understood,
clearly defines me,
Jenny~

unavoidable

life is about embracing changes, right?
and yes, i am embracing changes all the time,
and changes are unavoidable..

the word of the day: unavoidable..
simply defined as something or someone that we cannot avoid,
going through life as a kid, teen, and now a young adult whose still thinks pink is cute (teehee),
i have seen unavoidable things,
that people tried to avoid but still unable,

unavoidable pain,
unavoidable love,
unavoidable breakups,
unavoidable relationships,
unavoidable death,
unavoidable life,
unavoidable sweetness,
unavoidable bitterness,

everything seems to be part and parcel of life,
and to be able to continue striving for this life and for our own happiness,
i guess i have to accept the unavoidable stuffs..
as a part and parcel of life..
it might hurt or cure me,
it might make me sad or happy,
it might make my life sweet or bitter,
it might make me felt pain or love,
but by accepting the unavoidables, i would know by the end of the day, which option am i going to receive.
so, i've embraced changes and loneliness in life,
it's time to embrace the unavoidable.

Jenny~