Looking.

At one point of the year, I tend to look back all my blog posts.
Starting from 2010 which I began my very first post,
until now 2015.
this blog grew up with me in many ways.
From my writing styles to the stuffs that I shared in my blog.
To the happiest day of my life to the worst day in my life.
Everything was in this blog.
Everything.
Even those I have permanently erased from my mind.
It still exists in this blog.

Not deleting it means testing myself,
Am I still gonna reminisce all those moments?
Do I still remember everything?
And I tested myself just now,
to open back and read through each and every post that I wrote.
From the childish temporary happiness into the permanent maturing pain.
And I realised one thing.
I grew up a lot from the pain.
From how I always shared happy stuffs in my blog, into sharing even more sad and emo stuffs in the blog.
And how it slowly revolved into sharing only updates and serious stuffs.

And I asked myself,
where did the old me go?
where did that girl whose always cheerful, having the positive imagination that everything will turn out well goes?
where did that girl who believe in love so much go?
and where did that girl who said she will wait go?

All that is left right now is a lady whose cheerful outside, inside feeling cold.
having positive thinking n less imagination.
a lady who sees love as just something. nothing less than something.
and a lady who still sits in the train carriage alone,
and instead of staring while waiting for the one to sit opposite her,
now tends to make herself busy with coffee and books and her surroundings.

And they will say, when the right one comes, you will change.
My questions to them, when the right one comes, will I lift my head from those books and cups of coffee to see?
can he bring the same warmth as a cup of coffee and interest me like those piles of books?
will he able to make me look up and come down from the train carriage once more?
will or will not he?

Jenny~

May

May.
So many things that I missed sharing in this blog due to the hectic as well as me being lazy..
So, let's update..

Firstly, my cooking skills.
Renting and living outside all by myself has pushed me into a corner of desperation,
and because of this desperation, I have to cook on my own!
A seriously big challenge coz I dont cook,
and I dont help out in cooking.
I prefer watching cooking shows than cooking itself.
But desperation has pushed me into refining and mastering cooking.
And I am proud to say that, it is improving..
So, does this fulfill one of the biggest criteria of being a wife? *wink

Secondly, my pupils.
I seriously got really hyped up and motivated when my pupils started to enjoy my company.
When their faces just lit up and got so excited when I entered their classes either for teaching or sit-in purposes,
When they keep telling me that I am fun and wanted me to play more games with them,
and also when they longed for me to enter the class just to share with them something.
and of course, some of them got scared with me (I made 3 boys cried just in two months.)
I guess I am able to tell my lecturers now that I know what children seek in me and what are my strengths in this career.
And I hope that this passion will keep on burning for my pupils' sake,
and also to further move forward in my career.

Thirdly, competition!
I seriously got even hyped up when I was assigned to lead my school for a choir and orchestra competition in conjunction of the Independence Day on August.
FYI, my school has no choir group yet and yes, it's gonna be our first time.
But yeah, as long as I have not submit the registration form, this will still be kept as low as possible. 
Will update on this once decision has been made.

Fourthly, Miri City Day Run!
Seriously. speechless.
Prefects came running and looking for me.
Asking me to fill in my IC no and shirt size.
And when I saw my name in that event in which I am required to run 5km marathon,
I got shocked. speechless. 
I didnt even run during my Jogathon in IPG Keningau,
what more this?
But, names has been sent.
Just finger-crossing that it doesn't rain and my auntie doesn't collide on the same day (please auntie dont.)

And I guess that's it.
Will be updating this blog again when I thought of what to update..
Till then, take care..
Jenny~

Challenges.

Challenges. 
Present almost everywhere.
From making decisions at my workplace into making decisions in the kitchen.
Everything pose a challenge to me.
Working has never been easy.
Love life has never been as easy as a pie.
And making decisions even at the slightest things are never my expertise.

Working has been fun with supportive teachers,
but tiring at times.
Everyone is lamenting on how tired they are,
or how wicked some teachers or clerks are to them,
or the workloads.
And yes, I experience the same stuffs going on.
But at the end of the day, it is how we think.
If we think that it is stressful or tiring, even going into your class would be stressful and tiring.
Easier said than done?
Well, I am trying to do it every single day.
I am not saying I am good in it, but at least I am trying.
So, why don't each one of us try?
Let's try to complain less and eventually stop complaining.
This applies to me as well, and reminding myself to do so.

Love life.
Nothing.
Zero.
I felt nothing.
No particular attractions.
No particular excitement and "shaking hands" phenomenon.
No electrical feelings going through.
Nothing.
And the question to myself is,
Am I getting back into the cold shells?
Or maybe I have not met the one who could melt me away every single time?

Now, I need an ice-cream.
To melt away all the negative and emo-ness in me.
So, bring me an ice-cream.

Jenny~

current situation

Finally, little time to sit here and blog.
I guess some might have clearly known how hectic it is teaching in urban school right?
I felt like practicum all over again.
the staying-back, painting, murals,
reminded me the old times.
But, I guess I am getting used to the title as a "teacher".
Everything I did, 
I felt like it should be done to help the school to progress.
And because of that, I became the mastermind for most of my school's project.
It is really tiring,
but it is worth it.

The last-time me looks things in short waves,
All I can do is lament and complain on why should I be the one doing this,
and eventually piled up all the works on myself.
But the now-time me looks things differently,
I started to see the long period of time,
I started to imagine how this school could one day excel with me in the picture.
I guess I started to aim for something different.
Glory is what I aim for.
But to achieve it,
sacrifice is something that must be done.

And I hope, the sacrifice that I will be doing will lead me to something even better,
and not lead me to an old, lonely life at the end (hahahah!)
Oh well, hectic schedules that caused me to be back at 4pm almost everyday is a challenge for me to go out and meet people.
But things will change.
I know it will.
Coz He will show me when the time comes.
I know He will. 

Jenny~

23

Seriously, work has taken up a lot of my time, 
and arriving back home at 4pm almost everyday is killing my drives to even blog,
but nevertheless, yesterday 15.04.2015 was a big day for me.
A day when I grew one year older, one year wiser, one year mature and one year prettier(?).. hahaha...
There wasn't any grand celebrations, no cakes or surprises,
Just normal well-wishing from friends and teachers,
Went out for a normal dinner with siblings,
and that's it.

But as I grow older, the thought of a birthday celebration became simpler.
When I was in my "younger" age, I wanted surprises, presents, cakes and spend it with a lot of friends..
But right now, I prefer quiet dinner with my family and closest friends.
Surprises become less expected and I live fine without em. 
Presents are more to an optional where I prefer sincere thoughts and wishes than materials in which I can buy it using my own money.
And spending it with a lot of people become something I would like to avoid.
I guess I grew mature. in a good way of course.

Therefore, I would like to thank all,
for your kind and well wishes, 
I would say Amen to all the wishes that has been made, 
and may all of them do come true.
For remembering it without me having to remind everyone or thru Facebook notifications,
thank you for your sincerity.
For those who wished me on Facebook, Whatsapp or SMS,
thanx for taking that little time to do such a simple but meaningful thing for me.
And for the blog post (you know who you are.. hahaha..),
thank you. I nearly cried (but I didn't coz I laughed more).
It meant a lot to me. =)

23 is not a sign of being old.
It is a starting point for me to grow towards excellence and a better person.
#23 #letsdothis

Jenny~

Vacay!

Last week was a total vacation for me.

Went off to Kuching to attend my mother's side cousin's wedding,

and this is the 2nd wedding reception!

Quite interesting as 2015 was filled with wedding receptions.

Loved the sightseeing sessions as well as the eating part!

I didn't know Kuching was filled with so many food stalls and eateries..

And because of that, my next mission is to attack as many food stalls as I could in the next trip which is still unplanned.

And wish that I have my eating partner with me too (let's make one trip together next time ya!)

Wedding was so sweet.

Just simple, nice and sweet.

Quite touched seeing my cousin serenading a love song to his wife,

And yes, to the guy who I' m gonna get married to,

sing me a song!

or better not,

ur gonna ruin my make-ups!

hahaha...

But I am not ready for that yet,

same goes to relationship too.

My mouth would be uttering the excitement to find one,

or to be with one,

but this heart,

i don't think it's open yet.

But, what it is to rush?

Rushing myself won't bring me a guy,

Wont bring me the kind of happiness I seek,

Wont bring me the one I am destined to be with,

Instead it will only bring the loneliness in me,

and yes, making me feel sad and helpless at all time with those "what-ifs" thoughts.

So, what I am gonna do now,

is to sit, focus on what I should focus on first,

and let Him prepare the right guy for me.

I believe that He knows who fits into me perfectly.

How?

I don't know, but I trust in Him.

Jenny~

My Poem.

This poem was created four days before the actual competition.
It is to compare the poet's best friend with her favourite food.
And, the idea came when I was hungry, wait actually, starving...
And therefore, this poem came out..
Here, we go..

My friend,

You,

Are like toffee,

So sticky and sweet,

Like chocolates,

So smooth and curves smile in every bite,

My friend,

You,

Are like a good steak,

Not raw or semi-done,

But just well done for me,

Like sky juice,

Tasteless but keep me hydrated and fresh.

My friend,

You,

Are like an orange,

Always radiant with your sweet-sour sides,

Like a durian,

With your sharp and thorny sides,

But guaranteed yummy at all times,

My friend,

You,

Are like a banana,

With skins to peel to see the real inside of you,

Coz you are like a pomegranate,

Filled with nutrients and wonders for sure.

Too much fat food can make you sick,

Too many fake friends can make you weak,

So when you think you had too much,

Remember to push them away,

Coz if you don’t, you will regret,

Aches to your tummy and to your head!

Too much good food makes you healthy,

Too many good friends makes you happy,

So when you think you had too much,

Remember to value them,

Coz if you don’t, you will regret,

They come and go, leaving blanks!

So, my dear friend,

How lucky am I,

To have you beside,

As a companion and guide.

The next post would be on the tips shared by the juries after the competitions..

So, do check on the next post that would be updated soon..

Feel free to have a copy of the poem and share it with your class or maybe your best friends.. 

Jenny~