Am I?

When people ask you, are you lonely?
What do you usually answer them?
Yes, I am very lonely.
No, I am perfectly fine with being lonely.
Which one?

I got asked this question last night.
Going shopping alone, eating out alone, watching movie alone, and doing things alone, don't you feel lonely?
I insisted.
I said, no. I got used to it already.
But when I was asked once more,
i unknowingly said,
yes. But can I do anything with it?
Especially with trust issue and protective sides of me.
It's not easy.

Being alone is fine.
Being lonely isn't.
I have the same wish like everyone,
to be able to find one who can complete me,
and fill in this loneliness.
But,
who am I to decide this?
~sigh~

Jenny~

Indecisive

Went out for a casual hangout with a guy friend,

something that I have not done probably in 3 years after my break-up?

But it was a good meeting and catch-up sessions..

And it somehow sparked at how indecisive I am about my future goals..

When being asked about my long term plans,

I couldn't answer directly..

I was indecisive about what I really wanted.

I wanted glory at first, and then I wanted goal,

And then I wanted a relationship but I felt like I couldn't sacrifice yet..

That was really one time that I felt I became indecisive..

I wanted everything.

I wanted to achieve what my siblings might not be able to do,

I want to be in the limelight..

But I didnt think of the next step.

After getting a masters/PhD, what's next?

After being in the limelight, what's next?

If I am determined not to be able to find the one, what's next?

If I do get married, what's next?

Who knew growing up was this difficult?

Dear 16-years old Jenny, life isn't great at 23.. 

Jenny~

Convocation!

11.06.2015
An important date.
The date that marks the end of a phase and the beginning of another new phase...
Attended convocation on my own,
and I was proud with my achievement..
It was never an easy task,
and being awarded "First Class Honours" boosted my confidence and motivation..
And I am thankful to each and everyone who has helped me directly and indirectly...

And this post is dedicated to my teachers and lecturers..
Thank you for imparting your knowledge and constantly being there for us..

Dedicated to my friends of five and a half years,
Thank you for your help, endless sharing and information as well as tips and support during the whole period of time..

Dedicated to my roommate,
Thank you for listening to my endless talking-to-myself moments during exam, willing to discuss with such a random person with me as well as bringing me out for food which indeed is my favourite part of the memories we built as roomates..

Dedicated to my best friend,
Thank you for the endless last-minute-late-night discussions, whatsapp discussions, toilet discussions, shower discussions, and all the random places that we held discussions either about studies or relationships.. Those are the funniest, randomnest and best memories that I will always refresh you with even when I am old..

And last but not least to those whom left,
Thank you for leaving. Your absence has made me stronger and able to achieve what I have achieved today. If you guys didnt left, I might not be as successful as today.. And because of your absence, I found my presence in my successful limelight. And your absence has allowed me to seek the better me and the next best person who deserves such an awesome me.

This does not mark the end,
but the beginning into another remarkable journey in my career.
I will not stop here, 
but I will embark into another new adventure.
#letsdothis

Jenny~

Holidays!

After working for several months,
as well as checking and marking all the pupils' papers,
and getting stressed due to their achievement,
holidays have appeared!

And I seriously need one.
Need one to release all the tensions,
to drain away all the negative energy,
and to fill myself up with positive energy..
Holidays are also giving me opportunity to work,
working on how to help my kids to improve,
working on how to improve myself better,
working on how to ensure that I can contribute to the school,
and working on how to teach even better.

And of course,
vacation seems to be happening a lot this year!
Gonna be heading to Sibu to meet up with my best friend,
before setting out to KL for another important event of my life.
The event that will gather up all my old classmates,
and reminsicing all the memories we had last time..
And then, its gonna be the end of holidays,
and working again...

Damn, why does sweet stuffs always end fast?
Anyways, thank you to the 15 readers who read on my 550th post!
It made me felt like there are people who wanting to know little facts bout me after all,
Will be posting another one when I reach the 600th post.. 
Till then, will keep everyone updated!
Happy holidays beautiful and handsome people!

Jenny~

My 550th post!

Celebrating my 550th post with some facts about me.
I just remembered that I owe a friend of mine on one thing that she tagged me in wechat..
And I promised to do it in one of the social medias, if im not mistaken,
and here we go.
20 facts of me.

1. I studied in an all girls school and then proceeded to a mission school for my secondary level education. And because of that, I can't read or write in Chinese..

2. I do not know how to talk to a Chinese guy.. I guess its due to my high affective filter since my spoken language is not really strong yet. And because of that, I always wait for them to make the first move (in which none of them really did it. #likeicare #sojualmahal)

3. I don't have a lot of friends.. Back in primary school, I only have a few really close ones and others treated me like an object to compete. Secondary school life was even worse. Backstabbing was a norm and eventually, I met a few good friends. Campus life is better. #Imissmycampusfriendsalot

4. I had a lot of ambitions since I was little. From wanting to be a television host to a nun and then eventually wanted to be a teacher.. And I realised my dream today. 

5. The main reason I wanted to be a teacher because of the gifts that I always see my teachers receive. And thus, I wanted to receive gifts too and, this strengthened my ambition (hahahahhaa....)

6. I love attention. I love people paying attention to me especially when I am at my best appearance and doing what I know the best. I love the stage and spotlights, and most importantly, the applause and praises that I receive after that. 

7. Did I mention I love to plan things? I love to work backstage and create things on stage. And I love to appear at the end of it and receive the applauses and praises.. (And I wish to continue doing it at school.. hehe)

8. I love music.. I love songs that are acoustic or has piano accompaniments. I love downloading drama osts especially the instrumental ones because it somehow helped me to imagine and thus, sparking ideas in my head.

9. I wish that I could lead a choir or create a theater show one day!

10. I am extremely picky in food and I prefer one taste instead of mixed tastes.. And I really checked on any new food exposed to me since I have bad unknown allergies.. 

11. I love people especially those who could inspire me to be a better person or those who are saints in life..

12. I hate annoying people, show-off types, fake people and loves to take advantages on people's kindness. Did I mention that I hate people that doesnt act the way they talk? So yeah, if u identify urself with these characteristics, please dont talk to me. =)

13. I had my first relationship back in campus and it didnt ended well. And it somehow traumatise me and most importantly, it made me really really careful in selecting guys to be my friends. Coz everything starts from friendship.

14. I get bored super easily. If its on work, I would stop doing it and procrastinate.. If its on friendship, I would stop contacting the person and eventually removed their numbers from my phone.

15. I love to laugh. And because of that, I love to hang out with people that makes me laugh and smile. They just bring happiness into my life. But there is an exception. I dislike nonsensical jokes. It just makes me go uuuuhhhhhh... and there you go, you blew up ur chance.. =D

16. I am unpredictable. I can tell you I want this now, and then change my mind.

17. I have anxiety. I get anxiety attacks especially when I am super scared or worried especially when its about my health or the people I love..

18. I only share my food with those I love. So, if I start to share my food or even pay for your food, please know that you have entered my family list.. hahaha...

19. I wear clothes according to my mood. And I dont go out with guys.. Unless you are one of my family members or my boyfriend or I trust you. If not, please dont think of asking me out.. I can give you a million reasons not going out.. 

20. Last but not least, I hate to be in the second place. I have been in the second place in my family, and I dont want to be in the second place in relationship.. So future boyfriend or husband, take note. If you want me, you gotta make me feel like I am in the first place by paying attention to me and appreciate me.. 

P.S To my bestie aka ah ma kong, if you are reading this, please print it out and hand it to any potential candidates ya.. hahahahahaha.....

Signing off my 550th post with 20 facts of me.. Will be posting more facts of me in my 600th post hopefully.. Till then, stay updated with me.. =)
Jenny~

Wishlist

Since I am updating, let's update more!
Finally compiled a whole wishlist for the things I wanna do before I turned 30!
So let's see how much I can achieve and by the age of 30, I will come up with another new set of wishlist,
and most importantly, update on whether I achieved all these,
or major changes have happened!
Here we go. 

1. Get a car (checked!)
2. Join a dance or aerobic classes! 
3. Join more church activities especially when it involves young working adults.
4. Try out spa (I've been massage centre but not spa!)
5. Attend Chinese language classes (not able to read and write in Chinese! Urgh!)
6. Participating more competitions with the kids especially in English!
7. Set a good record in academic achievements especially in English.
8. Find opportunities to apply for scholarships for Masters!
9. Eat all the good food in Miri! (hahahahahaha....)
10. Last but not least, love. 

So, let's put all this into challenge, and we'll see how much I achieve, how much I didnt achieve, and how much changes will happen to this wishlist! #letsdothis

Who knew?

Who knew i would really realised my childhood dream to be a teacher?
Thankful to God for the opportunity He has given me,
Thankful to my primary school teachers who inspired me to be an English teacher just like them,
Thankful to my secondary school teachers who strengthened and motivated me by showing me the path to be a teacher,
Thankful to my lecturers who never gave up on me for 5 and a half years in educating me and making me into a teacher right now,
Thankful to my friends esp my bestie for the endless revision and passed each exam with good grades,

Who knew that all the wishes I wished for when I was just a little girl would come true?
But wishes that came true isnt as easy as I imagined when I was a kid.
To earn something, comes along hard works and endless determination.
And somehow this turn me into a workaholic of some sort..
I got frustrated when the kids dont achieve what I expected,
not to them, but to myself.
And eventually made myself in a bad mood.
But like what a friend told me, 
U can only spend 25 hrs feeling sad, and then get up, and start all over again.
And as a teacher who doesnt take her salary for nothing,
I am determined.
Determined to create a record,
Determined to improve myself for them,
and determined to give all out as much as I can to help them.

And all this is because of one thing,
because I am a teacher.
Jenny~