That boy

That boy reminds me of you.
That smiles and annoying antics reminds me of you.
The pain that he tries to conceal from everyone reminds me of me.
The way he avoided everyone reminds me deeply of you.

Seeing the boy makes me feel like seeing you in him.
Seeing the insecurity concealed with fake smiles reminds me of you.
The pain that he is trying to cover with smiles is like seeing you concealing your pain with anger.
Seeing the boy whips up the same feelings in me,
the same feelings that I once had for you,
the same feelings of rescuing him from the pit of fake happiness,
the same thing I did for you.

I don't know how are you now ever since I stopped contacting you,
I only hope you are okay out there no matter where you are,
I do miss a friend like you,
but there are words and actions that can never be undone.
I do miss the crazy conversations we had,
You are the one who pulled me out in my darkness, which I helped you out from your darkness as well.
But there are times when words and actions that you have done can never be undone.
And I do miss the warmth that you have given me as a friend,
but there are certain feelings that are forbidden.
I do regret of pushing you away,
but I am glad I did it.

That boy.
I will do the same thing that I did for you, for him.

xoxo
Jenny.

10 things I enjoy being SINGLE.

So, on a free weekend, I decided to update today's blog with something that I have never done before. And again, all these are just my own opinions and might differ from all of you out there. =) 

10 things I enjoy being single.
Disclaimer: I am not on my pre, during or post period mood swings. I am not feeling emo when writing this post.

Okay, here it goes.
Being single for quite some time have slowly opened up my eyes to the little things that I enjoyed doing alone.

1. Spending time.

I get to enjoy spending time on my own, according to my own pace. I can choose to spend it at home or out shopping or out having some desserts. And I dont have to feel guilty of it at all.

2. Eating

I get to choose what I want to eat without having to decide. I mean, I would just be in a mall and browse through the eateries there, and then decide what to have in split second. The best part? I dont have to share.

3. Shopping

Okay, I get to shop on my own a lot more. I can just head to any departments or sections without having to drag anyone with me. And one thing about me, I love to go in and out from stores without buying things. So yeah, I can do that freely and dont have to feel sorry for anyone. =P

4. Being at home

One of the best parts of being single is I get to stay in my room more often without worrying of where to go date and whether we are spending enough time or not. These are the things that I do not have to worry, and I can do more of my own things in my own time.

5. How I get dressed

So, one of my annoying habits is that I love to wear based on my mood that day. When I feel casual, T-shirts and short is something that I might just pop out with. When it's sexy mood, dresses or one of those transparent tops would be adorned on my body. The main point here is, I dont have to impress anyone with how I look. I just have to impress myself.

6. Make-up or no?

When I was in a relationship, I always try to look different and pretty for my other half. And as usual, he never notice it and instead of supporting me, he put me down. Therefore, being single gave me the chance to be myself. I am not the type that would wear tonnes of make ups every single day. In school, I am only with my red lipsticks. Even dinner, I would just put on light make-up. Why? I want to only look the prettiest to the person who have already accepted me at my ugliest point. =)

7. Granting permission.

When I was in a relationship, I got used to tellin my boyfriend where I am going and stuffs like that. But right now, being single means I dont have to tell anyone about it. I can just head out when I am bored, and I can go anywhere without having to ask anyone (except my mom n dad) for permission. F.R.E.E.D.O.M

8. Control on my own body

So, you see, I know the singles out there are trying their best to shed their weights so that they would look fabulously amazing and yeah, to attract the males or females' attention. And yes, I wanted to do so but not for the above reason. Being single for me means, I can decide whether I wanted to crash into those junk food or burn all those food into ashes. At the end of the day, if you dont love my body like how I do, the door is right there. =)

9. Career

Being a teacher is exhausting. And because I am single, I get to get my ample rest and of course, not having to care anyone else but myself is a joy. I mean, seriously, I have so much to care in school already. I guess being single too, also means i have the control over my progress especially when I want to aim high. 

10. The fights and bumps

Being in a relationship means always have to go through small fights and bumps. Being single steers me clear from those stuffs. When my friends were mentioning about the bumps and coldness that they are experiencing in their relationships, I felt lucky that I am not in one. 

So, basically, these are just my own opinions that might differ from those popular articles that you may have read in #elitedaily or #buzzfeeds. Being single is awesome and also being in a relationship too. But for now, since I am still single, I felt awesome about it. 

The next post will be on relationships where I will share my own top 10 list. Keep on reading to  my awkward, random and quirky posts. Till then.


     xoxo 
    Jenny~

Looking around.

Looking outside the window with her cup of tea and her favourite cake is her favourite pastime.
The scenery, people and events happening are so interesting,
She just couldn't take her eyes off from all those.
While she was looking around, she saw kids.
And she wonders, since when there are so many kids in the compartment she is in?
When she sees the kids laugh, playing with themselves, talking and babbling to their parents, she felt a little spark.
When she sees their parents taking care of the kids, laughing with them, making jokes with their kids, she felt something.

A kid came over to her table and looked at her with her big eyes,
and she smiled.
That brightens her day up.
And for the first time, she wished she had her own kids too.
She wondered.
If she has a daughter, what will she look like?
Will she has the same attitude like herself?
It would be funny looking at her mini-self.
If she has a son, what will he look like?
Will he be a gentleman like his father?
It would be fun seeing the mini size of his father.

But at the end of the day, she wondered.
Who would be the man that will make her dreams come true?
Who would be the man that will be her children's father?
And who would pour his endless love to her as well as her kids?
The train stop and all the kids went off the train.
The little girl waved to her and she waved back.

Time will tell. 

xoxo
Jenny~

The bench

Today.
As usual, she sat on her carriage, dealing with the wonderful scenery around her.
And the train stopped for a while,
She went off from the train,
getting some fresh air after a long journey.
She saw the bench where she remembered she spent a part of her life there.
With someone.
She went to the bench, sat there and start to reminisce,
the happiness,
the scars,
and the lessons learnt.

She remembered how naive was her in every conversations she had at the bench,
how her tears always rolled when she was at the bench after countless fights,
how she laughed so much when she spent her time there with her guy,
and how she eventually left the bench in search of her another journey.

It's time to go.
And this time, she left the bench, smiling.
And she said to herself, one day, she will return to the same bench,
Either alone or with someone else,
and this time, it will be permanent.
And she went up to her carriage, looked at the bench for the last time,
and smiled.

The bench has never changed.
It was her who changed.
Memories, feelings and lessons never changed.
It was her who decide to move on from this.
Until next time.

xoxo
Jenny~

The coffee

Today.

Today she looked out of her window.

It's been a while she lifted her head up and look outside for a while.

Being too pre-occupied with works,

and piles of papers in front of her,

she finally lifted her head and looked out of her window.

As she looked around her,

she realised one thing.

There are lesser passengers in her carriage.

And she wondered, why hadn't she realised it earlier?

She didn't feel it until she looked around that she is the only one who still stay in the carriage.

Feeling empty, she walked over and grab a cup of coffee.

And she looked around,

the people she once know has left the train,

the people she once would walk over and talk to, has left the train too,

and now she is left all alone in her carriage,

wondering when can she leave the train as well,

how she would leave this train,

and who will she leave this train with.

She walked back to her place,

and continue to gaze at the scenery,

with her hot cup of coffee,

before going back to her unfinished business,

while imagining on what is in store for her throughout the journey.

xoxo

Jenny~

March

It's been quite some time not seeing my post in this blog.
Not that I have given up with blogging,
but the hectic schedule as well as piles of workloads have prevented me from updating my blog.
Well, let's see what 2016 has done for me so far.

In terms of career,
I am lucky to be given the opportunities to learn so much from the posts given to me,
I am also lucky to be given the chance to go for courses and learn more new things there,
But despite the luckiness, I felt burdened with the piles of workloads that never seems to end.
I felt burdened with my kids where I wanted the best for them, and yet, they never seem to appreciate me.
I felt burdened of having to scold them but all I wanted is to be a fun teacher.
And because of that, I needed a short holiday to help me reflect back on the type of teacher I once wanted to be and start to emulate myself to that path.

In terms of friendships,
I do make a lot of new friends with colleagues from different schools,
and yes, all of them are the aunties and uncles.
And because I mix and mingle with too many uncles and aunties,
I got used to think like them,
and please, I am only 23 (coming 24) and yet, my brain is like an auntie. =_=

In terms of love,
Nothing.
No sparks, no butterflies,
Sometimes I wonder, did I keep those butterflies too tightly shut in a chest till all died,
or it is hibernating?
Anyways, no progress in this aspect.

I guess that's all to update.
Will be updating my blog with sudden emo or sudden random post again.
Till then.

xoxo
Jenny~

Valentine's Day

This is my 4th year celebrating Valentine's Day alone.
Basically, my 4th year of being single and embracing it each day.
But this year felt a bit different,
maybe it is because I am coincidentally sick at this lovely day.
And it is at this moment, I felt the urge to call someone.
Someone who hasn't exist yet.

I felt the urge to meet with someone, 
the urge to go out and laugh out loud with someone,
the urge to finally come back to a place and meet with someone,
someone who would make my day brighter,
and the urge to meet someone who could make me feel better.

But when I thought about it,
just the thought of it,
there is an immediate mental block.
Something is blocking my heart,
something is blocking my enthusiasm,
something is blocking my vision,
something is blocking me from advancing to the next step.

Nevertheless what it is,
It is still Valentine's Day,
and here wishing all the couples a happy lovely day and may you cherish each other till the end.
And to the singles like me,
You will find someone.
Now, it's your turn to tell me that.

Jenny~