Quiet eyes

I am now at home!
Well, thanx to the principal in da school im doing practicum
I am able to be around the people I need the most,
And able to release some hidden tension and stress that I myself do not know the real cause..

So, while im at home bothering my sister,
I came across a poem she was doing in her secondary school..
And one part caught my eyes and heart..
The title of da poem is "he had such quiet eyes" and written by Bibsy Soenharjo..
And the part I got attracted was this,
" If only she'd been wise
And had listened to the advice
Never to compromise
With pleasure-seeking guys
She'd be free from 'the hows and whys'

Now here's a bit of advice
Be sure that nice really means nice
Then you'll never be losing at dice
Though you may lose your heart once or twice"

Beautiful yet meaningful poem..
And leaves all of us to interpret in our own ways..
What might be ur interpretation?
Who knows maybe we might have similar thinking?

Jenny~

tonight.

today is the start for my practicum which will last for 3 months..
the school was pretty ok except for the learning environment which i believe is not really conducive..
but am trying to figure out ways..
nevertheless, i might consider myself ready to take up this challenge as i believe that being a teacher in the future, i would have to face more of this kind of challenges..
and then, i got back and we had a farewell dinner with our beloved lecturer, Mdm Nora..
and not forgetting, all the juniors who had done a good job in preparing the whole event..

it was a good event,
i felt happy and good in the beginning..
and then,
i felt tired.
sometimes,
just sometimes, i wish i was not in that situation..
i wish to be able to look and smile, like last time..

maybe, just maybe..
deep inside,
the scar still hurts..
no matter how much medicine i have put on,
or how much time have passed,
or how much plasters have i been putting on,
sometimes,
it still hurts a bit..

Jenny~

today.

i always write that reality hurts..
and reality is indeed painful..
when i was small, i thought this world is made up of good people,
people that would treat me like how my dad and my mom treated me,
with care and though sometimes, i felt being left out,
they still really care for me in their own ways..

but as i grew up,
and met so many people,
i felt that reality is indeed different from what i thought it would be,
i thought i would meet with a lot of good people that would treat me like how my mum and dad do,
but somehow,
human being is different..
they made me felt like this world could not longer be trusted..

another thing that shocks me,
is when i see parents here treat their children,
my mom never pulled or pushed me when i was small,
what else hit me or made me embarassed in the public,
but here, in my environment,
i saw moms or dads doin it their children,
and it kinda shocked me..
and somehow, i have already planned my future...
i wanna treat my future kids the way i was being treated at home,
and i want them to feel my love and not my wrath..

children are like little angels,
they bring comfort and joy to us,
so why do we want to make them cry?
and make them feel the harsh reality that soon?

Jenny~

just do it.

so, basically..
this is one of those weekends, the free weekends..
well, its 3 more days before practicum where all the piles of works, stress and of course, sleepless nights enters,
but now, it is indeed a free weekend for me..
so, while i was on the Net, i came across with a blog that i followed,
and i'm kinda attracted with the last statement that he mentioned on his blog,
which prompt me to write today's post,
and the statement is:

"Better to regret doing rather than to regret not doing it at all.."

so, what can we understand here?
well, you hav different interpretation, and same goes to me too..
for me, i think it is time for me to start doing things,
things that i feel is important,
things that i feel that i should do it all out this year,
before heading to the career year,
and of course before separating with my friends here
and heading to our own ways soon..

i guess, it is the time to do all the stuffs that i wanted to do,
and better regret doing it than regretting of not doing it at all..
ok, time to gather some friends and make some plans..
teehee~ ^^

Jenny~

change.

all of us know the meaning of change.
change could be in how we behave, act or maybe how we dressed.
change could also be in terms of our transition of life,
where we are change on how we live our life different from how we used to.

I am a girl whose afraid of changes.
but the more i avoid changes, the more it comes to me.
and i have to decide,
either to embrace it and make something out of it,
or avoid again and again,
which i find it useless..

and after really thinking and observing all the things that happen around me,
i have decided,
to embrace the changes and make something out of it..
something happy, if possible..
of course, i wanna stick to the old routines,
but sometimes, when things have started to change and take its own course,
no matter how much i wanna stick on to it,
i might eventually get left out.
so might as well, embrace it though changes might hurt, 
and make something happy out of it..

not being emo here,
but i know i have to grow up one day,
and the process of growing part includes,
the ability to accept and embrace changes,
and make the best out of it..
i believe in time,
time would change me and make me able to adapt to all the changing variables around me.
and eventually be happy with what i have decided.

Jenny~

hardest part?

in life, we encountered so many parts..
the easy parts,
the happy parts,
the sad parts,
the difficult parts,
and the hardest parts..

everyday, we are changing.
everyday, we are moving on from one phase to another phase..
and when we started to move on, there are two choices given to us..
to move on with the people that brought us to that step,
or to move on alone..
and when we have decided, 
the only thing we hoped is,
when we turned back one day, we would tell ourselves that,
it was the right thing to do,
and not,
it was a regret of choosing that.
cause, i believe that when we have chosen,
things would never be the same again..

Jenny~

numb.

i have always wondered the magic behind a piece of music.
how could a music be so relaxing,
or how could it changes our mood and feelings just by listening to it?
i came across this piece of music which immediately made me felt different.
it doesnt make me sad, but somehow this heart felt the music.
it didnt made me cry,
it made me felt like i was in 
i guess, these days, there were no more reasons to cry..

and i would like to share the piece of music that i was talking about..

https://soundcloud.com/rikognition/the-one-tv-size-version/related

it was a piano piece of music by Kenson Lee,
who always prepared good music for my favourite Youtube group, WongFu Production's short skits..
all his music reminds me of the short skit and somehow, it reminded me of my past too..
but now the pictures are very vague,
the feelings are somehow lost,
the memories are somehow blank like a piece of paper,
and the sadness or pain?
somehow i felt numb.
a numb feeling that i myself cant describe it,

sometimes i wonder,
will i feel numb like this for a long time,
or will i be able to feel the real fluttering feelings again?
will i be in the same spot like now in the next 10 years blogging about my numbness,
or will i be in the same spot like now in the next 10 years blogging about my happiness?
sometimes, i wished i had a travel machine just to see the future me.
i just wish i could.

Jenny~