Today.

Today.
She felt unusually lonely.
Remember the man whom always coming to her seat,
bringing a cup of coffee,
bringing his companionship to her place?

These days,
he somehow stopped visiting.
There was no hot coffee on her seat as usual,
and there wasn't anyone in front of her today.

She felt lonely for the first time.
Yes, she felt sad.
She asked herself,
what went wrong?

But she quickly woke up,
and told herself that,
this was meant to happen.
She had already warned her little heart,
this would happen eventually.

She pushed her pile of books back to the table,
She brought herself her own cup of coffee,
and this time, she brought some flowers for herself.
To remind her that amidst whatever that happened,
she is always beautiful inside.
And only those who can see that will appreciate her,
and will stay to discover it.

And she continued her journey in the train,
this time, with no more anticipation,
expectation.
but with independence,
and love to ownself.

Jenny~

Peacemaker

Have you ever loved something so much that you don't want to let it go?
Have you ever loved someone so much that you just want to spend the rest of your life with that person?
Everyone of us loves or loved something or someone that we would sacrifice almost everything for them.

In my case, my family.
I remember how harmonious we are when we were still kids.
After my parents decided to be in separate places, we were still harmonious.
Until mini fights appear and I have to become the peacemaker.
At that time, I was worried that this family would split.
But luckily, we made it through the darkest times.

As time passes by, my parents gradually increases with age.
And as people says, they are at their most sensitive phases.
And more arguments and mini fights ensues due to not understanding one another,
and again, I have to be the peacemaker.

Sometimes, I feel like I love this job.
I mean it meas that I care the most and that I am the one they would refer to when they need me,
It made me feel needed.
But sometimes, I hate this job.
I hate being the one thinking on how to explain to one side,
and getting all the negative charges from one side.

And it makes me feel even wary about relationship.
There are so many "what-ifs" in my head when I thought about it.
And it just stops me in my track.
When did love become so complicated?

Jenny~

Stopping by

Remember the time when a man stopped by her seat the other day?
Remember the time when she said she stopped hoping for the man return again?
Today, without her expecting, he came back again.
And without failing, everyday, he would bring a cup of coffee to her place,

leaving it there for her,

talked for a while,

and it repeats almost everyday.

It made her confused.

Why is he doing this?

When she started to let down her guards, she felt vulnerable.

And she lifted up her guards again.

She isn't ready to lose the peace that she is now used to.

She isn't ready for unclear path.

She kept telling her heart,

not to start piling any hopes.

She kept telling her mind,

not to start imagining any scenes.

People might think that she isn't appreciating what is coming to her,

but the problem is,

how would she know for sure?

that this is a sign to let down her guard?

that she would not fall on the wrong place again?

Right now,

all she is doing is,

enjoy the cup of coffee this man brought to her,

enjoy the short company this man gave,

and reminding herself not to get used to any of it.

Jenny~

Updates

Updates..updates...updates.
Let's update several things that I am going through right now. 
And hello June!

Firstly, am still in my holidays,
but came back early as extra classes have started with my Year 6.
Kinda nervous as I am afraid that I lacked in preparing my kids for the upcoming UPSR.
But I know that they are capable in different aspects,
and regardless of what, they have made me proud with their attitudes and manners in school.

Next, workloads are still a lot,
I am stuck with my classroom deco and a lot of paper stuffs.
Trying to find back my motivation to push myself to complete all these unfinished works.
It jsut made my teaching jobs so irritating with these unnecessary workloads.

Relationships. Zero.
And yes, there are guys who texted me,
but all of them are just acquaintances.
And seriously, there is nothing more than that.
Will be talking about this topic in the next post.

I guess that's all to update.
Nothing major or minor changes in life,
so yeah, 
everything is just going as normal as possible.

xoxo.
Jenny~

My 600th post!

To commemorate my 600th post in this wonderful blog, I present to you another 50 random facts about me that I have got from the Internet! So, here it goes:

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

I don't remember anyone who said I love you to me except for my ex a couple of years ago. And I dont think he meant it though. Moving on...

2. Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now?

Umm, 18 year old guy and a 24 year old woman? I dont think so. 

3. When was the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

I never felt that way before. Is it a good thing or not?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I do that almost everyday no matter where I am. =)

5. Is there someone mad because you are dating/ talking to the person you are?

No, I dont think there is anyone.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

No, I haven't played any songs up today.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

I am wearing my batik pyjamas which are custom made to fit my irregular body shape and to make me feel comfy as always.

8. How often do you listen to music?

I listen to music at all time.. Can't live without music around me. =D

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Sweats.. Jeans just dont fit into me. It makes me feel really fat and uncomfortable as I am stuffing and shoving all those "stuffs" into one pair of jeans. 

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2020?

Well, I hope so. I do hope by then, I am either married happily with 2 kids and a loving husband, or out there working my dreams up high and meeting new people.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

I think I am in between two. I would socialise when I feel like I want to and turn into an antisocial when I need some me-time, or when I dont feel like talking. 

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Nope.

13. What about ‘R’?

Nope.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

I drove it once to get my driving license. And I think I still can drive it now but only until gear 2.. Hahaha..

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Yes, I do even though I try to tell myself that I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening, but yeah, I do care.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

I don't think so.

17. When was the last time you cried?

Last week when I was watching a Thai commercial. They always make me teared up.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

I dont. As a matter of fact, its been quite a while for me telling someone that I do love them. 

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

I would love to change it into blue eyes. 

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

I am ready to do absolutely everything for the man whom I havent found yet. Meanwhile, it would be my dad. 

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

The weather, I guess. It's really scorching hot out there!

22. Is it cute when girls kiss you on your forehead?

That is never gonna happen. Like seriously.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Of course not. She is my best friend who has a boyfriend and yet sometimes, treat me like the information counter for almost everything.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

My chair in my living room.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Nope. Asians have the tendency of showing their loves through some other ways and not by saying the three burdensome words.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, I do. Always.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My best friend.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Just got out from one 2 weeks ago.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

From my mom.

30. Does anyone hate you?

I am not so sure about that. But I couldn't care less if there is anyone who hates me. I am not born to please everyone in this world.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

Of course not.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

I loved it until I experienced paranormal experiences. And then, I stopped entirely.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Eww, gross.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

The year I said yes to my ex. That would have salvaged my fantasy on love and prince charming. And it would have not turn me into someone cold like now.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Nope.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I dont know. 4 years ago?

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I hope so. Finger-crossed.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I am not sure about that. I cant detect anyone having any feelings towards me yet.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I do hope that I am now lingering in someone's mind, in a good way..

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Yes, I do. Had the best haircut and I spent my whole day lazing around after a hectic working month.

41. Think back 2 months ago. Were you in a relationship?

I have not been in a relationship for almost 4 years.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yes, and that would be my sister.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

No, and that would be the sweetest thing to hear after 4 years being lost in a jungle of despair.

44. What’s the best part about school?

Meeting up with friends, catching up and gossiping about other people. And have the laugh of your time all the time. 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Yes, I do.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Yes, I always do such stuffs in school especially when I was in Physics class. 

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Yes, I do.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

I was single almost all the seasons for 4 years.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

No, it was not. And I pretty love this type of lifestyle despite the hectic schedules and less social times with people.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Playing games?

And there it goes, my 50 random facts. Will be sharing more stuffs about myself again the next 700th post! Till then, happy holidays to those who are having their holidays, and happy resting.

Jenny

Appreciate

These days I have been listening to many stories,
reading up so many stories from Facebook,
and realised that people dont really appreciate what they have,
and I am one of them.

A friend has been staying in his aunt's house,
and instead of appreciating for the food, shelter and even Wifi,
he stole her money which is for me,
unforgivable.

A cousin is now pregnant,
got scanned and found out that it was a baby girl!
Isnt that a good news?
But not for her whose got married into a family with the only guy,
and with a traditional minded father in law,
this news isnt something to be happy about.

A cousin who has been already dating the man for almost 10 years,
always talking bout marriage and babies, 
always talking bout where would her children be studying and all,
and yet still rejects proposal from the man she loves.

All in all,
it makes me wonder,
why cant we appreciate what we have now?
There is someone out there who has no food, shelther, and heck, Wifi.
There is someone out there who wanted a baby irregardless of the gender and still couldnt have one,
There is also someone out there who has been single and being pressured to get married.
So why cant we appreciate more?

To those who is reading this,
Please be thankful for what you have right now.
There is always someone who does not have what you have right now.

xoxo
Jenny~

Hope.

She sat at her train, staring outside.
It was a rainy day and yeah, she caught a cold herself.
Wrapped in her own sweater and thick blankets with aromatic coffee,
she sat and started to read her books,
when she caught a glimpse of the man she saw the other day.

The man walked to her carriage,
introduced himself,
and started what might have been a short conversation into a long one.
They shared the same interests,
laughed around at each other's jokes,
and shared some of their personal stories.

She thought that this might be the one,
she was happy hanging out with the man,
and at the time when she thought she dont need such company,
she needed one.

Until one day.
The man stopped visiting her carriage.
She thought she wasnt affected by it,
but she was.
She then realised that she shouldnt have placed any hopes.
shouldnt have hoped for a longer conversation,
shouldnt be too happy for it,
shouldnt think of it too much.

Wrapped in her blanket,
she stopped staring at the hallway with hope,
she has decided.
the one who deserves her would not make her wait hopelessly,
and would no longer make her stare at the hallways with hope.

xoxo
Jenny~