My Love

 So I watched this movie, My Love, recommended by my boyfriend.

At the first glance, I thought it would be just a normal high school love story where at the end of the day,

the male character and female character didn't get together.

And it was indeed the plot of the story.

But there were several parts that triggered the sadness in me and as if it brought me to the past.

Words.

Words are the most wonderful things that could be spoken and heard.

And yet, it brings the most damage to the person closest to you when used wrongly.

Timing.

Not all timing was right.

Just when we thought that the timing was right, it wasn't,

and both parties were hurt because of it.

Moving on.

Moving on hurts.

Moving on after such a great length of year wasn't easy at all.

But the moment you decided that it's over,

and walked towards a new beginning,

it would be the most wonderful amidst the most heartbreaking thing to do.

Goodbye to the lovely days,

Hello to even more lovelier days ahead.

Goodbye to the lonely days,

Hello to brighter days ahead.

Stop pacing back and forth in darkness.

It's time to take the courageous step forward into the brightness,

and you might find someone is there to take your hands.

Jenny.

9.6.2021

 Happy 4th month, love.

Thank you for being there at all times for me.

Thank you for willing to pick up new skill which is cooking skill.

Thank you for making and sending me breakfasts,

You do not know how happy I felt these days having someone like you to cook for me despite still learning,

You make my dreams come true which is to have someone cook for me despite just a beginner,

and because of that,

I love you more and more each day.

Thank you for being there for me and dealing with my anxiety at all times.

Thank you for making me feel safe and comforted at all times,

and thank you for just being present in my life at all times.

To more months ahead,

and to more fun times together.

Love, 

Jenny

Frustrated

 Day by day,

I asked myself if it's really worth it to be as workaholic as I used to be.

I used to be someone who is ever ready to do what is instructed even though it isn't my work,

I was always ready to help out and assist,

I was always ready to take orders and force myself to work for long hours at school as well as home.

But now,

it felt different.

It felt frustrating when I am keen to complete the job,

and yet people above me is not.

It felt frustrating when I am all out to complete the job,

but the person above me is holding out and yet giving pressure on me,

expecting a great job done but not giving the essential information.

It felt frustrating when jobs that were not supposed to be done by me,

and yet, I have to be the one to assist works that are unrelated to my field,

and completely out of my expertise.

Once completed, I have to be the one to be submitting it as if it's my job,

as if it's my work,

as if it's my assignment,

when it is not.

I pity those who were forced to sit together and do the work,

when it is literally not our work.

Not even hearing the word thank you coming from him,

and yet, dare to tell me that if I am giving him a hard time, he will do the same to me,

when this is supposed to be his work.

It breaks my heart when this happened today.

I was always being respectful and always being helpful,

I guess it finally backfired in my face.

Wish I was not proactive and so busybody, asking for jobs.

Now, unrelated jobs are given to me just for the sake of completing it,

and they take the credits for it.

Damn.

Jenny

09.05.2021

 3rd month of being together makes me feel happier day by day.

Thank you for being at my side during my emo seasons,

and also during those random moments.

Though there were times that I always said the wrong thing at the wrong timing,

I'm glad that we talked it out and eventually knowing more about one another through the process.

Thank you for being such a caring person,

someone who I wouldn't be shy to ask for help and assistance,

someone who would always be at my side at all times,

and someone who gives me unlimited attention and making sure that I always feel accompanied.

Thank you for letting me into your life and your family too.

All these things that you have done for me make me happier and feel more loved day by day.

To more fun and better days ahead,

and to more lovely and funny moments to create with you!

Jenny~

May

 1st of May.

Thank God for such a wonderful month of April.

A month that I felt truly blessed with all the wonderful things happening to me despite the current pandemic.

Thankful and grateful for being able to see my kids in April though only for a short moment before school was closed again,

Thankful and grateful for the endless surprises for my birthday,

for all the well wishes, cakes, flower bouquets, cash bouquet, and of course, lovely presents from my partner,

it was something that I did not expect or anticipate at all especially during this pandemic season,

and I was touched beyond words for all the lovely things that were given to me on this special month.

Thankful and grateful that I received my certificate on my Masters right before the month ends too!

I am now officially a holder of Masters in Education (TESL),

after spending 2 years of working my ass off and turning myself into a workaholic,

after shedding tears and sweat during the past 2 years during my studies,

and also after countless times of wanting to just give up halfway and to enjoy my holidays instead of going to classes,

I am thankful that I persevered through alone and eventually, rewarded for all the sacrifices that I have done.

Despite unable to wear the graduation robe and attending the convocation due to the pandemic,

I am still grateful that I have finally ended this journey,

and now, finally some time to rest and recharge with my partner instead of being alone again.

Everything happens at the right timing.

Thank God I let it all happen in its natural course instead of pushing it through like how I used to do.

Thank God for everything.

To a better times in the upcoming months,

and to more fun-filled and happy events in the upcoming months,

may all good things happen in May and the next following months,

and may the pandemic starts to ease down instead of raging one.

Jenny~

29.

29.

I remember my previous birthdays were always celebrated alone at home with my own home-cooked food and a slice of cake that I bought for myself.

I remember the happiest day was 5 years ago when my pupils made a surprise party for me,

and showered me with lots of love and gifts too.

After that, it was a mundane celebration where I celebrated by having lunch with my colleagues,

and then home alone on that day.

I remember the birthday which was celebrated on top of the hill, waiting for sunset but ended up a rainy day,

I thought that would be the last thing someone would ever do for me,

and that my upcoming birthdays would be celebrated with me, myself and I.

Years passed by and as I expected the same thing to happen again this year,

it didn't.

Life is always filled with unexpected surprises and twists.

And yes, I agree.

This year, I am blessed with lovely birthday wishes from colleagues and friends from every part of the country.

This year, I received 3 cakes from my best friend, boyfriend and my kids.

This year, I received my first bouquet of flowers and a tiny pot of flowers which are my favourite kinds.

This year, I was able to not cook for myself and served with yummy food despite getting take away due to Covid.

This year, I received my very first handwritten letter from my other half.

And this year, my birthday has been the happiest day of my life,

and all thanks to those who celebrated with me indirectly and directly.

To my best friend,

thank you for the cake, baby breath and the video despite how it showed my past pictures. 

To my colleagues and friends from all over the country,

thank you for remembering and blessing me with lovely wishes.

To my parents,

thank you for giving birth to me into this world despite how you always told me the story of me not wanting to come out to the world as easily as you always expect it to be.

and to my other half,

thank you for making me the happiest woman that night with all your lovely gifts, food, cupcakes,

and most important, your attention and time for me.

You do not know how much it meant for me when you gave me all your attention and time.

Thank you love.

Jenny~

Update.

Hello April.

My favourite month is already here and it has started in a good way.

School has been reopened despite the pandemic,

and though I was worried of how to handle and meet my pupils at this time,

I am glad that I was able to stand in a classroom filled with my favourite people,

and do my work like how I have always enjoyed it.

Even though it was tiring waking up early in the morning,

the thought of seeing those excited faces and hearing their laughter in the class,

those are the things that kept me wanting to do more for them even though in a limited situation.

Relationship has been going well.

Despite the days we couldn't meet due to us being close contacts or casual contacts of an infected person,

we tried our best to be there for each other through text messages and phone calls,

and it helped us to pull through this situation together.

And I am thankful that everyone who was involved were tested negative,

and that both of us are able to meet again soon.

Do pray for us that everything is going to be okay for us soon.

Last but not least, I have started and ended my drama session despite taking such a long time to do so.

It was a great drama and I cried a lot at most of the scenes.

And somehow, I felt that instead of crying at love scenes, 

I cried more when it comes to family scenes or when it was about just being there for each other.

Those are the scenes that somehow tug my heartstring and make me felt touched.

For the times when I was lonely,

For the times when I wished someone was beside me,

to comfort me, to make me laugh, to listen to me and to be there when I cry,

those were the times where the feelings were akin to how the characters in there must have felt.

Therefore, I thank God for that particular moment,

the moment where I coincidentally met you. 

Here is a quote that I fell in love to in the drama,

a quote that I could relate to so much,

a quote that reminds me that no matter how much fear or doubt I had in me,

it will always take me to my destination when time comes.

"I got on the wrong train, and that very train brought me here. 

It brought me to the place I've yearned to come every morning and night. 

It brought me to my destination."-CLOY-

Jenny~