At the end of the day

I realised that I didn't update my blog and wrote about, 11.11.
I guess, slowly 11.11 doesn't bring much significance to me except for the online sales,
which I actually bought myself a bundle of lipsticks as a self-reward.

Well, somehow, I started to get used to being back to my own world,
a world where I go out on my own,
less texting and anticipating,
more sleeping and resting.
As I reflected back to the things that I have went through,
all the sadness and frustrations,
I realised that I was the one whose bringing all the negative thoughts to myself.
I realised that I didn't surround myself with happy thoughts,
and has been putting myself into depressing thoughts almost all the time.

When I looked back at all my pictures,
I kept admiring at how beautiful I was in the pictures,
how happy I was smiling in the pictures,
and wondered why am I making myself sad at all time,
when I looked the prettiest when I smiled.

When I talked to people around me,
be it, my friends, colleagues or even strangers,
I kept thinking to myself that I am indeed a good speaker,
and wondered why am I hiding away this potential,
when I looked the most confident when I speak.

When I spent time with my friends and family,
be it, my best friends, colleagues or even my own family members,
I kept thinking to myself, why do I feel most comfortable being surrounded by them?
Is it the relationship that I wanted,
or is it because I just want to find someone to talk to in real life?

At the end of the day,
I realised that, it's never the status of being someone's girlfriend or wife that I seek for,
but for a person who could spent his/her time just for me.
Someone to talk to without having any limitations,
Someone who could make me feel the most comfortable no matter where we are,
Someone who could make my night feels better after a conversation.

And I am thankful to the stranger who entered my dream last night,
who gave me the sense of warmth that I haven't felt for a while.
And as I woke up and the stranger slowly disappeared from my dream,
the same applies to the people in my life.
There will be a point when people slowly walked out of my life,
and it's fine.
Because every ending is always a new beginning to something.

Jenny~