Checklist

Being single.
I remembered how I hated having this label,
and wished to be labeled as someone's girlfriend,
or in a relationship,
or someone's significant person,
or eve seeing someone.
But it never happened after that one relationship that I consider as a lesson.

Hence, I trained myself to try to be independent.
Back in my IPG days, I trained myself to go to church on my own every Sunday,
took a mini bus (van) and shopped for grocery,
went to airport and catching flight on my own,
and doing little things here and there by myself.
At that time, though I was doing everything on my own,
honestly speaking,
I wished someone else was there doing it with me.

When I got posted to Miri,
its somehow back to the olden days,
where everything needs to be done on my own.
Therefore, when I met someone who has similar liking with me,
I clung on to him and only did things if he was with me,
and felt depressed if I'm not the one whose doing it with him.

Emotional swings has got me changed into someone that I no longer knew.
Therefore, 2018 was a big turning point for myself.
A chance for me to start over again,
and a chance for me to be independent again.
This brings me to make a checklist.
A checklist of things to do on my own which I used to do with someone else.
And it started with having coffee and dessert at a new place,
watching movie on my own,
taking flight on my own,
and managing my own emotional beings.

My only hope is that this year, I would be able to find back the Jenny,
the Jenny that is always smiling,
always filled with excitement when seeing hot guys,
always fangirling over handsome actors and singers,
the Jenny that is confident and never gives up on things that she knows she can do it.
and the Jenny that patiently waits for the right person at the right time.

Jenny~