13.01.2013

does it really mean i should stop being caring?
does it really mean what he do doesn't even matter me the most?
does it really mean i should stop worrying about him?
does it really mean i should stop thinking about his welfare?

i cant just stop myself from thinking of his welfare,
i cant just stop myself from not relating myself to him at all,
i cant just stop worrying about him..

because i got used to doing all those stuffs,
and once i got used to it, i dont find any reasons to change it..
not because i still have any special thoughts about it,
its just because i got used to it..

Jenny~

12.01.2013

today's post is about reflecting how ignorant i was last time,
sometimes i dont even know what i did would bring pain to people who used to love me,
sometimes what i say, write or do might have caused people that used to love me, suddenly turn away from me,
sometimes they dont say coz in that situation, it would definitely make things complicated,
and now when i actually know the truth, i feel bad..

i guess i should be blamed,
for bringing the past together with me and unable to let it go,
for making people that loved me felt something that im sure i wouldnt wanna feel,
and for making myself confused at times on what i want and whether im doing the right thing or not..

i guess we cant change what we have done,
i guess i just have to keep walking and let it go,
and i guess i have to start thinking whether i should start to let go..
whether i actually have the courage to let go..
sigh.

Jenny~

10.01.2013

this week was a tiring week..
with a lot of pending presentation and tiring subjects such as olahraga,
somehow it makes me feel like time passes really fast..
and maybe because times passes too fast,
i felt much better with the current situation..
it is as if im able to adjust myself with the current environment,
and slowly making myself feel happier..

though im still unable to get over thos kinds of awkwardness,
but somehow i believe that i should leave it just the way things are,
maybe by doing so, i will be able to find the courage to execute my plans..

sigh..
there are so many things that i wanna tell in this blog..
but sometimes, there are just little stuffs that stop me..
insecurities, unprepared to face different kinds of questions, the sadness and pain that i dont want to remember, and so many more crept to my mind when i decided to tell everything..
i guess, im not ready yet..

Jenny~

8.01.2013

this week was a starting week where we have formal classes and lectures..
and during this week, i have been having awkward moments with him..
everytime i see him, i feel like running away..
i felt like avoiding him and yet i wanna talk to him like how we used to...
i wanna talk about his life and how he has been without my presence..
i wanna know if he's doing well in his studies and whether he has found the right one or not..

but i dont have da courage to do so,
particularly in such situation where everything might still be not clear for him..
somehow i thought i wouldnt mention about him again,
but the fact is i really wished we have been friends till now..
situation would be different by then..
sometimes, i feel like going right upon him and ask,
why did you stopped talking to me?
and why do both of us felt so awkward when there wasnt any special attachment?

friends told me to forget about it and move on,
but whenever i wanted to do so, i wished i have done that..
because whenever i sit in my room and staring at my phone,
i would thought of what we used to talk about and everything...
if and only if i knew why we were so awkward..

sigh~
life is already difficult to understand..
and when life meets a person like me, no wonder it becomes even more complicated..

Jenny~

6.01.2012

today is da first day of the year that i came back to the church here..
the feeling is still the same,
filled with anticipation and curiosity..
keep turning behind with hopes of seeing that person...
all of my friends have been calling me "obsessed" to this particular person,
but its not about being obsessed or not..
its about seeing him that will remind me of how miracles actually could work its wonders..

i anticipate every weekend,
i put hopes every weekend,
though no guarantee is given,
though forgetting about this stranger is better,
i choose to remember..
=)

Jenny~

5.01.2013

yesterday was a really beautiful date.
2013.1.4.
in chinese 1314 means forever and ever (if im not mistaken la)..
and we can see ppl posting "i love you 1314" and stuffs like that..
as for me, this date simply is a date..

even if ppl ask me what does 1314 means for me,
i would answer them "1314 or forever love towards my family and friends".
reason?
family always stay by our side no matter when we're up or not...
family's blessings in whatever we do is much more important...
and family always love us more than anyone else..

meanwhile, friends stick with us no matter what we do..
and friends always understand us and give us that type of advice whenever we need one..

well, im not saying that its dumb proclaiming ur love to ur partners or stuffs like tat..
but in my case, my friends and family is much more important..
=)

Jenny~

3.01.2013

I starting to love naming my post based on date i write..
it seems like it would be easier to recall what happened during the years..
well, back to what i supposed to write today..
today, i thought of my new resolutions..
ppl say resolutions should not be something too difficult to attain,
or else why do u wanna set a target when u know ur not gonna reach it?

so my resolutions for this beautiful 2013 are as follows:
1. to be healthy always by taking care on my food
2. to be fit always by trying to go for a walk in the evening.
3. to focus more on studies so that i would be able to reach my targets.
4. to be happy by meeting new people and stop thinking about the past.
5. to do something meaningful.

simple resolutions for the year.
may these resolutions bring a good change in my life as well as the ppl around me.
=)

Jenny~