Happy.

Happy.

Happy is a word that I find myself seldom use,

because it's something that I find it difficult to attain,

especially when it is not holidays,

or when I am at home.

But these days,

I am happy.

When I saw my pupils making funny antics in class,

I feel truly happy inside.

When I hang out with my friend,

I feel happy.

Really happy inside.

It's been quite a while not having this kind of warm feelings.

And it is indeed been quite a while,

not feeling this happiness,

where I get to talk to a person,

being the real me in front of him,

and just enjoy the company without having to think too much.

This is the feelings,

that I wish I could contain it in a box,

or like what Dumbledore does,

by extracting it out and keep it,

so I can re-watch the scenes again and again,

in case, if it stops happening one day.

Nevertheless, thanks for appearing,

and making my day brighter.

I hope I did the same too.

Jenny~

Missing

Train chugging along the railway,
and there she is,
at her old spot,
doing her usual routine,
reading her books, 
checking on her endless works,
sipping her hot cup of latte,
and just watching as time goes by.

Sometimes, 
she felt like something is missing in her life,
and instead of kept searching for it,
she tends to just give in to it.
There are times that she felt like a fool,
like she got tricked,
like she was being played around,
like it was something not supposed to happen to her.

But sometimes,
she felt like her life is complete,
and instead of doing anything to it,
she tends to just give in to whatever is in it.
There are times that she indeed felt like a fool too,
like she is feeling too happy with it,
like she is putting too much hopes and expectations in it,
like this is something too unreal for her.

Nevertheless,
she stopped herself from thinking way too much.
It is not the time to think so much,
but it's time to stay focus on her path,
especially in the crucial turning point of her career,
and just let the other side falls nicely when the timing has come.

She waits,
not for the particular friend only,
but for the right person to finally step forward,
and hold on to her.

Jenny~

Fireworks

Celebrating new year has always been indifferent for her,
spending nights sleeping across midnight,
waking up and watching fireworks outside her window is a norm.
She thought that for this year, it would be the same thing all over again,
but she was wrong.

He came up to her cabin,
offered her a dinner at the next station,
and she agreed to it.
Went with him for a dinner that she had longed for quite some time, 
and even went doing unplanned things for the night while waiting,
and for the first time, 
she actually stayed awake for the countdown,
and for the first time,
she was counting down to a new year with someone.

And there, they were,
chasing after fireworks,
watching fireworks here and there in awe,
something that she never dreamt that she could do it,
and for the first time,
she felt so warm inside,
something that she has never felt for a long time.

And with the new year here,
she hoped that one day,
she could be off from the train not only for a while,
but permanent,
and she could feel those sparks again,
like the beauty of the fireworks that they watched together in awe.

Jenny~

1.01.2017

Happy New Year 2017 to all!
I know that I should have posted about my reflections on 2016,
and how far did my previous resolutions actually worked out.
So before it is too late,
here it goes.

2016 first resolution was to:
1. Work hard in my career and learn whenever I am given the chance to do so.
Outcome = 

Yes, i did achieved this. I worked really hard in my career and did achieve some results when the pupils that I taught achieve good results in the subject that I have taught. I gained a lot of knowledge, experiences as well as learn how to handle people in this year. So far, I am proud to say that I indeed have worked hard enough and maybe a little too much.

2. Enjoy when I have time with the littlest efforts or in cheapest manner.
Outcome = 

I don't really know whether I did achieve this or not. But I am really lucky that I met a friend who brought me out to release tension and just have fun in the littlest efforts. I just realised that I went to the cinema more often in 2016 with my friend and I am glad that by meeting this friend, I get to enjoy more with or without his company.

3. Sign up for zumba classes and get off some sweats off during the weekends.
Outcome =

This is something that I can never achieve.. I seriously lack of discipline when it comes to exercising, which is seriously bad for my health and my weight. Weekends are either filled with school stuffs as in extra classes in the weekends as well as staying at home more often instead of going out. This is something that must be fixed!

4. And last but not least, love. Try opening up myself and give myself a chance to meet others.
Outcome = 
I dont know whether I did achieve this or not as well. I did opened up myself to certain people whom I trust and yes, I do try to meet others when there is any functions that needs my presence. And so far, it was good. Like I said, I am glad I met a friend who brought the best out of me and I was able to be myself around him without putting too much efforts or pretense. 

So, I guess that's all for my reflections in terms of my previous resolutions.
My new year resolutions?
I guess it would be more or less like the previous ones.
Here it goes:
1. Work hard in my career and always be professional when it comes to work.
2. Try to eat healthy and stay fit in whatever means.
3. Prioritise myself over others.
4. And last but not least, love. Love and appreciate myself more before loving and appreciating others.

Happy New Year 2017, reader!
May this year brings all of us happiness and makes us stronger in overcoming any hardships.
And for myself, think positive and try as much as possible to avoid drama and negativity.

xoxo
Jenny~

Christmas

Christmas is two days away,
and I can feel the spirit of Christmas in malls, TV as well as in most of my social medias.
As for me, 
Christmas is the same every year.
Celebrating it in the church with others, having a simple dinner with family and I guess that's it.
The way of celebrating it has became the same every year.
However, as I grow more mature,
I learnt that it's not about the materials,
or the decorations,
or the food at the table that matters the most.

What matters the most,
is with who we are celebrating it.
As for me, I am lucky I am celebrating it with my family every year.
Celebrating it with my loved ones are the most important to me,
though at times, I do hope that I could celebrate it differently.
But no matter what, I wanna wish everyone whose reading it a blessed Christmas!
May this Christmas makes all your wishes come true!

And as for me,
my personal Christmas wish list?
Peace and happiness for my family and closest friends,
and someone to celebrate the future Christmases. ^^

Jenny~

Letter

Today,
as she sat on her couch,
staring outside the window as usual,
a man came and passed her a rose and a letter,
telling her that it is from someone she knows.

Feeling curious, 
she opened the letter and it was from the person she knows,
her heart flutters reading the letter,
and smiled all the way,
until she read the last line of the letter.

She doesn't understand it,
she doesn't know how to react to an ambiguous line,
she doesn't know whether she should be happy with it,
or should she remain poker face with it,
she quickly wrote a reply,
asking for a clarification and asked the man to deliver it to him.

And she waits,
and waits.
At first, she was trembling with excitement,
thinking that finally, she could get off this carriage.
But then, she started to have mixed feelings.
What if all of this is just simply a joke?
What if the person she knows was just simply playing around with her?
What if it wasn't the truth and he is simply referring to other people?

For the first time,
she couldn't wait to get off at the next stop to meet him.
To finally hear the truth,
that could either break her heart one more time,
or bring her to the everlasting freedom which she was eager to feel again.

Jenny~

December

Holidays have been monotonous so far,
which leads to my lack of updates in my blog these days.
But December is here,
and it is indeed some time to update here and there a bit.

Career is put into a halt during the holidays.
It feels different not waking up in the early morning, preparing for work,
meeting colleagues, meeting kids for classes and juggling with various needs.
It feels nice not having to wake up early in the morning and dealing with works,
but I do miss all the rush and workloads,
it somehow takes my mind off from stuffs that I shouldn't be overthinking.

Relationship is a total zero if it was with a guy.
Relationship is a total mess if if it's related to work.
Well, the conclusion here is, never be too nice and never treat what other people says about you as the true you.
No one knows me better than I do,
and most importantly, I am not afraid to receive comments and criticisms,
as long as it is based on facts.

Nevertheless,
11 more days to Christmas,
and 2 more weeks to another brand new year!
And will be updating this blog with my personal Christmas wish list,
reflecting on this year's resolution,
and will be posting up new resolutions for next year!
Till then.

Jenny~