Comfort zone

To those who knows me very well,
I am the type of person who couldn't get out from my comfort zone,
unless I am being pushed out of it.
The thought of getting out from my comfort zone terrifies me.
The thought of being in a new, unfamiliar setting makes me feel uneasy,
And low self esteem.

This applies not only in my career but also in my relationship.
I have a comfort zone in my career,
whereby I am teaching well in my school with the normal routines and workloads,
dealing with the same challenges and obstacles,
that I am used to now.
And when one day, I suddenly realised that it's time to further my studies,
I suddenly feel terrified.
Not terrified by the subjects, assignments and exams,
but terrified of what is coming up next after I graduated.
It's silly to think so far when I have not even taken the first step.
But that's me,
overthinking is something that I do the best.

In terms of my relationship,
after going through 1 failed relationship,
and a lot of mini heartbreaks,
I am terrified and desperate too.
I am terrified of entering into a new relationship with the fear of losing again,
I am desperate for someone to love me like how I love them,
I am terrified of putting any hopes again with the fear of getting disappointed again,
I am desperate for someone to stay at my side and not leaving me behind.
I am terrified of the thought of someone leaving me with the fear of going back into loneliness again,
And I am desperate for the same person to be at my side,
to be in my comfort zone.

After meeting with people,
I realised how silly am I to try to control the unknown.
And how I should have just let everything go with the flow like how I always wanted it to be.
I wouldn't be mature if I dont leave this comfort zone.
I wouldn't be able to see progress if I dont brace myself for what is out there.
And because of that, I'm now mustering all my courage,
to go forward,
alone or accompanied.

Jenny~