Reflection of the year.

2017 has been a year filled with a lot of ups and downs for me,
a year that got me into an emotional turbulence for months,
and almost got me suck into deep sadness without really knowing why.
2017 has also been a year where I shed the most tears,
and laughed lesser.

It was a year that started with bad relationships with my colleagues,
unexpected twist with the closest friend,
and being down for many days, thinking what went wrong,
what was wrong with me,
why did things always happen to me,
and being really negative to all the things that have happened.

It was also a year that saw me losing my focus,
my directions in life,
lying in darkness for days, crying without knowing the real reasons,
went to counselling room and church to seek inner peace,
and emotionally drained.
But things happened for a reason,
and it was nice to see that with all the shortcomings,
there were sweetness in it indeed.

I became close to the colleague who once hated me,
and we were now back to our usual relationship.
I started to accept the reality between myself and my friend,
and decided that, moving on has always been the hardest choice,
but can be done as long as I'm determined in it.
I have also started to train myself not to think too much on things that I couldn't control,
and have applied for studies.
All in all, my year has ended with a good note on almost everything.

And now, let's reflect on the resolution that I have made and see how has each progressed.

1. Work hard in my career and always be professional when it comes to work.
= Honestly speaking, my career was met with a lot of pauses this year as I was actually experiencing burn-out from it. I was alone in the beginning of the year, trying to meet expectations and all, and eventually, I wasn't able to give my best to my pupils which was disappointing. 

2. Try to eat healthy and stay fit in whatever means.
= This has not been going on smoothly. I was still indulging in unhealthy snacks and getting fit only lasted for a few days. But the good thing is, I am teaching PJ next year so I have to be fit no matter what. 

3. Prioritise myself over others.
= This was the thing that I failed to do. Instead of prioritising myself, I gave my all to others and eventually, got hurt terribly. I forgot to love myself, and even if I remember, it would only last for a few days before I started to think and wondered what went wrong till I am ignored. 

4. And last but not least, love. Love and appreciate myself more before loving and appreciating others.
= Honestly speaking, I forgot to love and appreciate myself this year. And because of that, I have experienced the worst mood swings and sadness due to expecting love and appreciation from other people.

In conclusion, I am embarrased to say that my resolutions for 2016 have not been achieved. 
It was a year that taught me a lot about myself,
 a year that fully wakes me up about the importance of living the life,
not for others, but for myself,
a year where I frantically search and eventually lost it,
a year where inner peace has been taken away, and I was controlled by emotions all the time,
and also a year to close with a good note that the following year will be a good year.
Therefore, I close this chapter of the year with a hope that next year will be a better one.

Thank you for the memories.
Thank you for the happiness and sadness.
Thank you for the tears of sadness and joy.
And thank you for the lessons.
It has been a twisted year,
and I look forward to another new chapter in life.

Jenny~