Dirty

I remembered clearly when you held my hand without my permission,
I thought I was fine with it,
but I was not.

I remembered clearly how all your words bring my values down,
I thought it was normal,
but it was not.

I remembered how u came to my home late at night despite of me saying I am off to bed,
and u forced me to come out,
and u opened and entered my place without my permission,
and hugged me from behind,
asking me to do the same thing to you as well,
I thought I was okay,
but I was not.

I remembered how u kept calling me and forced me to do video call with you,
and you kept wanting to see my room,
and you kept on saying things that makes me uncomfortable,
and kept on showing me your face up close,
and showing me your lips with the intention of wanting to kiss me,
I thought I was okay with it,
but I was not.

I remembered how you always talk to me with that tone,
how you always touch me whenever you talked to me,
how you sit so near to me when we are not in any relationship,
how you try to stop me from chasing my dreams,
how you make me feel unwanted if I gave up on you,
I thought I would be okay,
but I am not.

To the guy who made me feel this way,
I thought I would be okay and could build a friendship with you,
but you made me so dirty,
you made me feel unwanted,
you made me feel worse about myself,
and right now, all I want is to prove to you,
and to myself, that you are not meant for me at all.

You made me dirty,
and I will pick myself up and make sure I am clean,
from all the things you have done to me.

Jenny.