Opinions

It gets frustrating when conversation with mom always end up with conflicting opinions on marriage.
Mom has this traditional mindset whereby a lady must be married before the age of 30,
or else, she would have no more market value by that time.
Mom also has this traditional opinion where she doesn't believe in love.
She believes that one should just get married and then, feelings would eventually appear according to its course of time,
which is applicable to my grandfather and grandmother's time,
as well as my parents' time,
whereby they are not allowed to simply go out and hang out with guys,
and must follow what their parents have decided for them.

I do respect my mom's opinions as those are her experiences,
but I wish she would listen to me just one time,
and listen to what the current world is heading to.
My mindset of marriage is yes, a lady must be married but not within an age limit.
A woman does not lose their market value at any ages,
but always has her own values.
If a man couldn't accept a woman above 30 years old,
it was never the woman's fault but the man who failed to see her beauty over her age.
I once believed in getting married first and then develop feelings later,
but right now, I don't.
The thought of agreeing to marry with a total stranger whom I don't even have any feelings or a good impression on scared the wits out of me.
It's not because I am financially independent or I am a hot stuff that I can pick whatever guy I want to,
but I just don't want to regret right at the moment I walk down that aisle.
I don't want to suffer in silence,
and kept on having the what-ifs popping out in my head even though I am already married.
I can't even imagine myself sharing a bed with a complete stranger,
and having to bear living with him for the rest of my life,
when I am still in doubt and still hoping for someone else to appear in my life.

Mom also believes that I should be the one who should be searching for man,
who should be flirting and asking man out,
who should be the one to take initiative to make a guy fall for me,
but mom, since when did you start to turn your daughter into a desperate lady when it was also you who ask me to take my time?
Why should I do all those stuffs to a complete stranger who doesn't even take any initiative to know me more?
Why should I be the one to search for him when he was the one who left me hanging like the previous man?
Why should I be the one flirting and asking him out when I don't have any purpose of doing so?
And why should I be the one to take initiative to make him fall for me when he does not even find me occasionally?

Dear mom,
How I wish you could read this post,
and understand your daughter's point of view.
Your daughter wants to get married too,
Your daughter wants to have kids too,
Your daughter wants to be near to you even after getting married,
But your daughter wants to settle down with a man whose worthy of her,
who could take care of her,
whom she loves and would sacrifice anything for him.
Your daughter is all ready, but she just hasn't found the one she could put her heart out for.
Your daughter wants to be happy, and not suffer in silence due to her obedience to you.

Jenny~