It's not me

At the age of 26,
and a few more months ahead before the beginning of the new year,
which directly bringing my age to 27,
I have been getting pressures from my parents on marriage.

At the age of 26,
I have finally matured up,
and realised that relationship and marriage is something that I have suddenly left at the back of my priority list.
I realised that whenever the topic on marriage appears,
I would forever despise talking about the topic especially when my mom has been pestering me to contact this man,
ask him out for a drink,
be more open-minded,
be more forward,
and "chase" after this guy.

But dear mom,
he is not my cup of tea.
I couldn't imagine myself standing next to this man,
what more getting married with him,
and having kids with him,
and ending my bright future out there with this man who I know I do not have feelings with.

Just by looking at his pictures,
all I can say is,
I am not interested to know more about this man,
what more with his cowardice of not trying to approach me constantly,
not trying to find a topic that could make me keep wanting to share more,
and being a guy where I HAVE to pursue,
makes me feel disgusted.

I stopped chasing after men,
heartbreaks after heartbreaks taught me that being patient is something that is rewarding.
I stopped putting my heart out there,
heartbreaks after heartbreaks taught me to guard my heart fiercely.
I stopped dreaming of being in a relationship,
heartbreaks after heartbreaks taught me that dreams would only remain dreams.
And finally, I stopped having the feeling of wanting to love someone else,
heartbreaks after heartbreaks taught me to love myself more instead of giving all to another person who would eventually leave me in pieces again.

Heartbreaks taught me a lot.
It taught me to listen to my heart.
And if I do all those stuffs that my mom wanted me to do,
I will do eventually, but trust me,
it will not end up anywhere.
I am just doing for the sake of being a filial daughter,
and not for the sake of creating any future with this man.

Jenny~