Sick

Sometimes, I wondered where I can find someone like me,
someone who would go all their ways in caring for another person,
someone who would constantly asking me if I am okay if I get sick,
someone who would always trying to find ways to make me feel better,
in terms of food, medicine or just there for me.

I remembered the younger of me who whenever got sick would always wish the same old thing,
to have someone to care for me and to be there for me whenever I needed him,
to have someone to comfort me at my worst,
and I kept telling myself that I would be able to find someone like that soon.
Well, guess what, I didn't.
Instead, I am the silly one who always care for people who got sick,
went all my ways just to comfort them or to make sure they are okay,
texting them constantly, first thing in the morning, wondering if they felt better or not.
Thinking that, doing all this would make them feel touched,
and that I would be treated the same as well.

But guess what again?
It doesn't always happen that way.
Sometimes being nice doesn't always get paid back.
Some people just remembered you when they needed you,
and when they are well, healthy, happy, found someone else, something else,
the good people like me are sidelined.
I told myself to not care,
to stop being so nice to people,
to stop worrying about other people,
because at the end of the day, they will just suck up all the goodness you did,
and left you with the bitterness.

And today, I got sick.
At the moment where I needed comfort, I could turn to no one.
At the moment where I felt the worst, I could tell to no one.
At the moment where I am at my downside, I could show it to no one.
At the end of the day, there's only me to keep myself strong.
Only me

Jenny~