Changes

There are times when I dread changes.
I am a person who is afraid of changes.
Positive changes,
Negative changes,
Anything that changes somehow makes me feel insecure.

Other people are telling me that change is good.
It makes us grow up and be mature.
It helps us to see things in a new perspectives.
And yes, I admit that I am a changed person now.
No longer the old Jenny that thinks of love and relationship at all times,
No longer the old Jenny that tries to do everything that she can,
and no longer the old Jenny that tries to please everyone.

I have changed into a vocal person,
a person that doesn't hide her feelings when she dislike certain ways of working,
or certain attitudes of people.
I have changed into a patient person,
a person that waits for things to happen instead of making it to happen.
I have changed into a person that expect and anticipate lesser and lesser,
a person that no longer waits for people to celebrate her birthday,
but has her own plans if there is really celebration.

And sometimes, I fear of my own changes.
Fear that it would make me feel too independent,
and eventually, lose the innocent thoughts of being in love,
as well as the thoughts of settling down.
Same goes to people around me who are showing good changes.
I am just afraid that all of this are just temporary,
and one day, it will just pop and disappear.
I am afraid in the midst of the happiness that I am going through now,
something will just happen and take away the clouds of happiness,
replacing it with clouds of sadness like what I experienced previously.

Therefore,
I am now embracing all these changes with an open arm,
but with careful thoughts especially towards my feelings,
as I could no longer stand the disappointment,
sadness,
and the pain from falling from high expectations anymore.

Jenny~