The talk

The talk. 
Everyone knows about "the talk".
There are people who anticipates it,
and there are also people who don't.

The talk can sometimes end in a new and happy beginning.
But the talk can also sometimes end in a finished and unhappy ending.
I myself have went through the talk for almost 4 times.
3 times that weren't carried out,
and last night was the 4th time.

But the 4th time felt different.
I still remember the 1st talk that I had was a harsh one,
whereby he told me how he dislikes when his friends saw us together and labelled us.
And how after the talk, he turned his back against me and went totally cold to me,
as if I was a desperate stranger trying to get him.

The 2nd talk was with my ex.
I still remember how he asked for a break up telling me that it was not my fault,
and how he told me he was the person to be blamed.
And yes, it ended with me foolishly clinging on to him, and him leaving me in the worst way ever.

The 3rd talk was not a direct talk,
but from the way I got treated.
From feeling warm to feeling cold,
from being always accompanied to feeling left out everytime.
And it ended in me being angry with him and deleted him from my life,
before I decided to talk back to him again.

And last night was the 4th time.
This time with a precious friend that I appreciate his presence so much in my life,
He was the one who came to me when I was struggling with loneliness and depressed moments.
He was like the light that brightens up my day and night,
someone I know who is there when I needed to text.
And last night, when he told me that he wasn't ready for it,
my heart did ache but knowing that the reason was not because of a third party but because of his own depression and loneliness,
my heart yearns to help him.
I want to be the light that he used to be when I was in my worst state.
And I want to walk him out from the darkness,
like what he did to me.

Everything happens for a reason.
At least this had made me pray even much harder than before,
and I get even closer to God,
whom I felt like I have been leaving behind these days.
I guess this is the way God wants me to be closer to Him,
by giving me so much obstacles to overcome,
and by letting me know that without Him, I am nothing.
And I do regret,
for not realising how far I am from Him.

Thank you, Lord.
You make all things happen for a reason.
and now, I am coming back to Your home.

Jenny~