Gone were the days

Gone were the days when I always imagined myself falling in love helplessly,
Gone were the days when I always trust that I would eventually meet the love of my life,
Gone were the days when I always imagines myself being happily married,
Gone were the days when I always imagine falling in love when I attend any events,
Gone were those days.

I forgot how to feel,
Everytime I am attending a certain event, instead of looking forward for it,
All I could think of is how I would end up being miserable, all alone in this event,
surrounded by old people and having no chance of meeting or befriending with someone that I could connect to.
Everytime, I am attending dinner or some sort of matchmaking session, instead of having positive outlook on it,
All I could think of is how this guy is going to disappoint me with his weird attitudes or being a pervert at the end.
Everytime, I wanted to text someone,
All I could think of is how I am going to get the cold shoulders again or worse, being left at the blue ticks again.

Where has that positive, helplessly in love with the idea of being in love kind of person?
Somehow, time and age has slowly turned me into someone who doesn't feel much these days,
someone who slowly lost her trust in love,
or meeting the love of her life.
Slowly, I am turning into someone who just want to be inside the house,
and feeling scared of meeting anyone or even getting any closer with someone,
fearing of being left behind, getting hurt or meeting some weird perverts again.

Finally, I understand how Ted from HIMYM felt in the series.
The feeling of being hopeless and slowly turning away from love before he finally met the one.
Do I have to do the same as well?

Jenny~