For the good and bad,
I'm always here.
For the best and worst moments,
I'm always here too.
For the beautiful days,
I'm here,
For the darkest days,
I'm here too.
Just reach out,
and I would be here,
always.
Jenny~
Today is Valentine's Day.
A day celebrated by all couples as well as husbands and wives all around the world.
A day where chocolates and roses are exchanged with one another,
A day where love confessions are everywhere,
A day where singles becomes attached,
and also a day where everywhere is filled love.
Being single for the 5th year somehow kills me a lot inside when it's Valentine's Day.
And coming down with bad cough and sore throat,
somehow makes things even worse.
Feeling all alone,
with no one to call or text,
stranded underneath my blankets and my pillow,
tears just rolled down like in every single Valentine's Day.
But it felt much better in that way.
Letting out all the emotions in me through tears feels much better.
Therefore, to all the couples as well as husbands and wives,
appreciate one another because there are people like me that isn't that lucky to reach that level yet,
to all the singles out there,
stay strong and keep praying.
He will listen.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Jenny.
A day celebrated by all couples as well as husbands and wives all around the world.
A day where chocolates and roses are exchanged with one another,
A day where love confessions are everywhere,
A day where singles becomes attached,
and also a day where everywhere is filled love.
Being single for the 5th year somehow kills me a lot inside when it's Valentine's Day.
And coming down with bad cough and sore throat,
somehow makes things even worse.
Feeling all alone,
with no one to call or text,
stranded underneath my blankets and my pillow,
tears just rolled down like in every single Valentine's Day.
But it felt much better in that way.
Letting out all the emotions in me through tears feels much better.
Therefore, to all the couples as well as husbands and wives,
appreciate one another because there are people like me that isn't that lucky to reach that level yet,
to all the singles out there,
stay strong and keep praying.
He will listen.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Jenny.
Last night,
she went down from her usual train carriage.
As she was walking down the station,
she saw a familiar man.
And it was him, all well and healthy now.
She smiled and he smiled back too.
They went off for a dinner where she met his closest people.
They had fun, talked and played together.
For the first time,
she felt like she belonged somewhere.
She was happy.
Very happy.
But despite all that, she also felt sad.
Because the happier the memory is, the more difficult it is for her when everything is gone.
She missed the laughter, the smiles and the warm feelings.
She missed how they would stare at each other and talk.
she missed all of it now,
and wish she could stay longer and cherish those memories even more.
Beautiful memories are created indeed,
and she closed her eyes to remember all these memories.
and her little heart whispered to her,
you have indeed fallen.
Jenny~
Who knew that there comes a day like this.
Where I would once again miss someone's presence in my life.
February is never really a good month for me.
With Chinese Valentine's Day tomorrow, and Valentine's Day next Tuesday,
it became a season of emo-ness and sadness to myself.
Sometimes, we plan without knowing,
We create an illusion,
a very happy one, thinking that it will happen like how we imagine it to be.
I am one of those people.
I imagined that I would go out for a wonderful dinner,
spending time laughing and creating special memories on these days,
and finally, feel celebrated.
I imagined that my workplace would be a place I would anticipate to come everyday,
being with people that I can share everything after each class,
and finally, feel belonged to a place.
But reality kicks in,
all these shatters when replies are not received,
not getting clear messages,
being hated for no apparent reason,
losing someone that I can share almost everything,
and someone who works so well with me.
I thought I would be fine,
but I wasn't.
I am missing a part in me again.
I finally understand the feeling of missing someone or something.
It is not merely wanting to keep texting or finding that person,
It is wanting to see their smiles again,
seeing them talk and eat in front of you,
feel their touch against you,
and hearing those words of advices as well as silly remarks from them.
I miss that.
I really do.
Jenny~
Where I would once again miss someone's presence in my life.
February is never really a good month for me.
With Chinese Valentine's Day tomorrow, and Valentine's Day next Tuesday,
it became a season of emo-ness and sadness to myself.
Sometimes, we plan without knowing,
We create an illusion,
a very happy one, thinking that it will happen like how we imagine it to be.
I am one of those people.
I imagined that I would go out for a wonderful dinner,
spending time laughing and creating special memories on these days,
and finally, feel celebrated.
I imagined that my workplace would be a place I would anticipate to come everyday,
being with people that I can share everything after each class,
and finally, feel belonged to a place.
But reality kicks in,
all these shatters when replies are not received,
not getting clear messages,
being hated for no apparent reason,
losing someone that I can share almost everything,
and someone who works so well with me.
I thought I would be fine,
but I wasn't.
I am missing a part in me again.
I finally understand the feeling of missing someone or something.
It is not merely wanting to keep texting or finding that person,
It is wanting to see their smiles again,
seeing them talk and eat in front of you,
feel their touch against you,
and hearing those words of advices as well as silly remarks from them.
I miss that.
I really do.
Jenny~
This feeling is something that she have never felt for a long time.
A sense of longing.
A sense of wanting to see the person especially when that person is in his weakest form,
A sense of wanting to do everything for the person just to see him gets back to his usual form,
A sense of wanting to be at his side during his worse times,
and kept him accompanied.
But a wall is there,
and she just couldn't get over it,
she wants,
but she couldn't.
She is worried for him,
worried if he has eaten,
worried if he is still in pain,
worried if his condition worsens,
and this is the feeling that she has not felt for quite some time.
Seeing him able to talk like how he usually is brightens her day,
Seeing him able to finish a small bowl makes her feel better,
All she wants is him to recover,
for the first time, she kept telling God,
to make him healthy and strong,
and she doesn't want anymore than that,
but only for him to be free from those pains.
Please get well.
Jenny~
A sense of longing.
A sense of wanting to see the person especially when that person is in his weakest form,
A sense of wanting to do everything for the person just to see him gets back to his usual form,
A sense of wanting to be at his side during his worse times,
and kept him accompanied.
But a wall is there,
and she just couldn't get over it,
she wants,
but she couldn't.
She is worried for him,
worried if he has eaten,
worried if he is still in pain,
worried if his condition worsens,
and this is the feeling that she has not felt for quite some time.
Seeing him able to talk like how he usually is brightens her day,
Seeing him able to finish a small bowl makes her feel better,
All she wants is him to recover,
for the first time, she kept telling God,
to make him healthy and strong,
and she doesn't want anymore than that,
but only for him to be free from those pains.
Please get well.
Jenny~
Today, she sat next to her carriage.
She had the opportunity to feel the breeze across her face for the day.
She was happy for the whole time she was in the carriage,
happy that her family members joined her journey for the day,
happy that she had been receiving letters from him almost daily.
But she knew this day would come,
despite how happy she is, there would be a day that she is bound to feel different.
And today, as she is getting along with her piles of workloads,
she received another letter from him.
He told her about his new acquaintances and how they will be working with him,
When she read about it,
there was something that bothers her.
She suddenly felt different,
as if she couldn't accept this new change,
as if this change would threaten the relationship that she has with him.
She felt unsafe,
but she kept quiet.
She replied his letter with a casual tone,
trying to sound as supportive as possible,
but she herself knows her own feelings.
As she sees the postman taking and delivering her letter,
she only has one wish.
She wishes that things would stay the same.
That things wouldn't change.
Even though she knows she should be ready to embrace any kinds of disappointments,
she still wishes she wouldn't have to go through it again.
As the wind blows,
she closes her eyes,
and breathes deeply.
Jenny~
She had the opportunity to feel the breeze across her face for the day.
She was happy for the whole time she was in the carriage,
happy that her family members joined her journey for the day,
happy that she had been receiving letters from him almost daily.
But she knew this day would come,
despite how happy she is, there would be a day that she is bound to feel different.
And today, as she is getting along with her piles of workloads,
she received another letter from him.
He told her about his new acquaintances and how they will be working with him,
When she read about it,
there was something that bothers her.
She suddenly felt different,
as if she couldn't accept this new change,
as if this change would threaten the relationship that she has with him.
She felt unsafe,
but she kept quiet.
She replied his letter with a casual tone,
trying to sound as supportive as possible,
but she herself knows her own feelings.
As she sees the postman taking and delivering her letter,
she only has one wish.
She wishes that things would stay the same.
That things wouldn't change.
Even though she knows she should be ready to embrace any kinds of disappointments,
she still wishes she wouldn't have to go through it again.
As the wind blows,
she closes her eyes,
and breathes deeply.
Jenny~
tInsecurity.
The feeling of being unsafe,
anxious that something bad will happen based on what we imagined,
the feeling that holds back almost everything,
and the feeling that destroys almost everything that has been built.
Insecurity.
I wondered to myself,
since when do I feel so insecure on myself?
I remember being insecure about how I look,
how I present myself in the public,
how people look or perceive me as,
and this includes my friends, family and the people I love.
But these days,
insecurity has once again hold me back from things I love dearly.
It has once again make myself doubt,
not on other people,
but to myself.
It has once again ignited fires of jealousy,
that I shouldn't feel at all.
And it has once again showed my weakest point,
that I wanted to conceal from people.
Being insecure is something that I wish I could get rid of it,
not as a whole,
but partly or a little of it from myself.
I hate myself when I am insecure,
I start to ask questions,
or say things that I know will hurt me back instead.
I start to think of all the bad things that will happen,
and eventually, feels that it will happen after all.
I hate myself for all this insecurity.
And when it happens,
I just need a word of assurance.
That no matter how insecure I am,
how I feel like a piece of paper that would tear one day,
that you will be right there,
ready to piece me back up again.
Jenny~
The feeling of being unsafe,
anxious that something bad will happen based on what we imagined,
the feeling that holds back almost everything,
and the feeling that destroys almost everything that has been built.
Insecurity.
I wondered to myself,
since when do I feel so insecure on myself?
I remember being insecure about how I look,
how I present myself in the public,
how people look or perceive me as,
and this includes my friends, family and the people I love.
But these days,
insecurity has once again hold me back from things I love dearly.
It has once again make myself doubt,
not on other people,
but to myself.
It has once again ignited fires of jealousy,
that I shouldn't feel at all.
And it has once again showed my weakest point,
that I wanted to conceal from people.
Being insecure is something that I wish I could get rid of it,
not as a whole,
but partly or a little of it from myself.
I hate myself when I am insecure,
I start to ask questions,
or say things that I know will hurt me back instead.
I start to think of all the bad things that will happen,
and eventually, feels that it will happen after all.
I hate myself for all this insecurity.
And when it happens,
I just need a word of assurance.
That no matter how insecure I am,
how I feel like a piece of paper that would tear one day,
that you will be right there,
ready to piece me back up again.
Jenny~
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