31.01.2013

today is the last day of January..

the whole month was somehow filled with a lot of laughter..

somehow i found comfort with my friends...

though they might not know what i have been thru,

but they have been filling me with lots of love and laughter..

something that i need to strengthen myself for this particular year...

in this month, somehow i did some reflection..

i learn to start to walk away from the past and shut my mouth, eyes, ears and mind from talking, seeing or listening about stuffs that is concerning him...

somehow, i would not feel anything by doing this way..

i guess my new resolution should be forget the past, move on in the present and looking forward in the future.

i hope i'm able to do this..

d(^_^)b

Jenny~

24.01.2013

Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the one who takes care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say are I love you, I'm sorry, and Help me. Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in.

This is supposedly a post that i got from facebook which i copied and pasted from my senior.. and somehow when i read this, it touches me.. somehow i felt that i could be or maybe someone like this.. 

someone whose always with a smile,
someone who looks strong,
someone whose always willing to help,
might be someone whose always in tears at night,
someone whose weak inside,
and someone who needs help but unable to voice it out..

i dont know.. 
i guess i am that someone.

Jenny~

21.01.2013

Went thru my blog and reading back my past posts which actually make me laugh a bit.. i didnt know i actually wrote so much in my blog.. and i realised that there were so many things that actually i have endured all this while.. and i came across one which is quite interesting which is i actually listed down the type of man i will get marry.. hehe... so let's go thru with it together ya:

1. someone who still thinks i'm pretty even if i have no makeup on & even if my hair is messy.
2. someone who still play with my hair while i'm lying down on his thighs.3. someone who will give me a back and head massage whenever i feel pressured and stressed4. someone who will buy me my comfort food whenever i feel bad5. someone who will treat me right6. someone who could get along with my family and friends7. someone who will not think i'm stupid8. someone who's very responsible to take care of me and our family9. someone who will spoil me10. someone who will cook for me11. someone who will surprise me, big or small12. someone who will watch fireworks with me13. someone who's willing to do spontaneous stuffs with me14. someone who hugs me on my waist surprisingly16. someone who will never try to hurt me17. someone who knows how to cry in front of me18. someone i can trust19. someone who trusts me20. SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME THE WAY I LOVES HIM!


hehehe... so what do u think? will i or will not i find this guy? well, frankly speaking, this is what i dreamt in the past.. right now, i only wish for a guy that could accept me and my family, as well as love me as how i love him.. no more comfort pillow and staying-when-u-know-ur-leaving type of guy.. life's cruel.. they never give u what u want.. but God is always right.. He will know when to give and take.. =)

Jenny~

20.01.2012

followed someone's blog and found that what he wrote is indeed inspiring..
i mean my lecturer actually presented his blog and about his enthusiasm in teaching that got him so far...
and it actually touches me that there IS someone out there who has this strong passion in teaching,
someone who didnt thought of giving up and thus earn himself the opportunities to go further..
if its me, i seriously doubt my talent and my passion..
hence, reading his blog actually helps me not only to learn something new but also help me to look deep inside me and reflect..

so today's post is dedicated to him..
may ur passion towards teaching and building future generation keeps burning.. =)
and may u continuously share with us, ur blog readers.. =)

apistakkisah.blogspot.com

Jenny~

16.01.2013

my friend told me, 

he treated u in such a way, how could u still think of him?

i couldnt answer her..

bcoz i dont have the answer at all..

i asked myself, thought about it over and over again, telling myself to stop thinkin bout it..

but when im all alone and listens to my songs, his memories came back again..

one part of me wishes that i would be able to get answer of this long-forgotten question,

another part of me wishes to just forget about it and move on with something worth it in life..

sigh..

if and only if i could just stop thinking so much...

Jenny~

13.01.2013

does it really mean i should stop being caring?
does it really mean what he do doesn't even matter me the most?
does it really mean i should stop worrying about him?
does it really mean i should stop thinking about his welfare?

i cant just stop myself from thinking of his welfare,
i cant just stop myself from not relating myself to him at all,
i cant just stop worrying about him..

because i got used to doing all those stuffs,
and once i got used to it, i dont find any reasons to change it..
not because i still have any special thoughts about it,
its just because i got used to it..

Jenny~

12.01.2013

today's post is about reflecting how ignorant i was last time,
sometimes i dont even know what i did would bring pain to people who used to love me,
sometimes what i say, write or do might have caused people that used to love me, suddenly turn away from me,
sometimes they dont say coz in that situation, it would definitely make things complicated,
and now when i actually know the truth, i feel bad..

i guess i should be blamed,
for bringing the past together with me and unable to let it go,
for making people that loved me felt something that im sure i wouldnt wanna feel,
and for making myself confused at times on what i want and whether im doing the right thing or not..

i guess we cant change what we have done,
i guess i just have to keep walking and let it go,
and i guess i have to start thinking whether i should start to let go..
whether i actually have the courage to let go..
sigh.

Jenny~

10.01.2013

this week was a tiring week..
with a lot of pending presentation and tiring subjects such as olahraga,
somehow it makes me feel like time passes really fast..
and maybe because times passes too fast,
i felt much better with the current situation..
it is as if im able to adjust myself with the current environment,
and slowly making myself feel happier..

though im still unable to get over thos kinds of awkwardness,
but somehow i believe that i should leave it just the way things are,
maybe by doing so, i will be able to find the courage to execute my plans..

sigh..
there are so many things that i wanna tell in this blog..
but sometimes, there are just little stuffs that stop me..
insecurities, unprepared to face different kinds of questions, the sadness and pain that i dont want to remember, and so many more crept to my mind when i decided to tell everything..
i guess, im not ready yet..

Jenny~

8.01.2013

this week was a starting week where we have formal classes and lectures..
and during this week, i have been having awkward moments with him..
everytime i see him, i feel like running away..
i felt like avoiding him and yet i wanna talk to him like how we used to...
i wanna talk about his life and how he has been without my presence..
i wanna know if he's doing well in his studies and whether he has found the right one or not..

but i dont have da courage to do so,
particularly in such situation where everything might still be not clear for him..
somehow i thought i wouldnt mention about him again,
but the fact is i really wished we have been friends till now..
situation would be different by then..
sometimes, i feel like going right upon him and ask,
why did you stopped talking to me?
and why do both of us felt so awkward when there wasnt any special attachment?

friends told me to forget about it and move on,
but whenever i wanted to do so, i wished i have done that..
because whenever i sit in my room and staring at my phone,
i would thought of what we used to talk about and everything...
if and only if i knew why we were so awkward..

sigh~
life is already difficult to understand..
and when life meets a person like me, no wonder it becomes even more complicated..

Jenny~

6.01.2012

today is da first day of the year that i came back to the church here..
the feeling is still the same,
filled with anticipation and curiosity..
keep turning behind with hopes of seeing that person...
all of my friends have been calling me "obsessed" to this particular person,
but its not about being obsessed or not..
its about seeing him that will remind me of how miracles actually could work its wonders..

i anticipate every weekend,
i put hopes every weekend,
though no guarantee is given,
though forgetting about this stranger is better,
i choose to remember..
=)

Jenny~

5.01.2013

yesterday was a really beautiful date.
2013.1.4.
in chinese 1314 means forever and ever (if im not mistaken la)..
and we can see ppl posting "i love you 1314" and stuffs like that..
as for me, this date simply is a date..

even if ppl ask me what does 1314 means for me,
i would answer them "1314 or forever love towards my family and friends".
reason?
family always stay by our side no matter when we're up or not...
family's blessings in whatever we do is much more important...
and family always love us more than anyone else..

meanwhile, friends stick with us no matter what we do..
and friends always understand us and give us that type of advice whenever we need one..

well, im not saying that its dumb proclaiming ur love to ur partners or stuffs like tat..
but in my case, my friends and family is much more important..
=)

Jenny~

3.01.2013

I starting to love naming my post based on date i write..
it seems like it would be easier to recall what happened during the years..
well, back to what i supposed to write today..
today, i thought of my new resolutions..
ppl say resolutions should not be something too difficult to attain,
or else why do u wanna set a target when u know ur not gonna reach it?

so my resolutions for this beautiful 2013 are as follows:
1. to be healthy always by taking care on my food
2. to be fit always by trying to go for a walk in the evening.
3. to focus more on studies so that i would be able to reach my targets.
4. to be happy by meeting new people and stop thinking about the past.
5. to do something meaningful.

simple resolutions for the year.
may these resolutions bring a good change in my life as well as the ppl around me.
=)

Jenny~

2.01.2013

today was da first day of lectures..
seriously tired and homesick..
sigh..
but here, i wanna clarify some stuffs..
maybe what i post in my blog might make all my beloved readers to think something else,
but i wanna say, everything is fine with me..
nothing is wrong..
i am smart enough to know how ppl can easily manipulate da words written and relate it to some fiction-like stories...
so dont worry, everything is ok..
trust me. =)

Jenny~

1.01.2013

New Year. New look. New resolutions on da next post.
May this new year brings all of us happiness and luck.. 

current me. =)

Jenny~