miracles.

exam season has started..
and i guess that's the main reason why i have not been updating my blog since the last post.
anywayz, the chapter has ended and its time to turn over a new leaf not only in me but also in my blog as well..
so exam has started and yes, i have just finished my first elective paper..
and two more papers to go which is still kinda long way ahead..

but why is today's title is miracles?
my perception of miracles is when something unexpected happened to u and it is something that u would not have thought about in the past..
and that is now happening to me..
i have new friend who kept myself and my best friend always cheerful and laugh all day long..
and i am blessed with these two friends who have always been so funny, cheerful and made me look life in a better perspective..
and it also make me felt so much happier these days..
i guess life is like that.
it is difficult in the first place, but the more i walk and walk, it became easier with all the people i met and who guided me through the thick and thin..

and my current miracle plus blessing?
my two crazy but awesome friends. 

Jenny~

the end.

life is a funny cycle..
one time, it will make you into a good piece,
and another time, it will break you into pieces...
sometimes, i feel that life itself is a learning process..
it helped me to learn new things,
through experience,
through pain and happiness,
through words of wisdom from the people around me,
and through what i see, hear and speak of..

i remember myself writing a post about rebound.
about how i said i would never get involved in a rebound because it sucks,
and yesterday was like a limelight for myself..
i was struck with the light of another half of the truth that i was dying to know,
and yes, now i know..
now i know the real reasons,
and my position all this while..
i am glad i am now single and moving on well,
because if i did not, i would have even fell into deeper pain..

and by knowing the another half of the truth, i would like to declare the closure of that chapter in my life. am not gonna write about it anymore. am not gonna think of it anymore. am not gonna look behind and lament about it anymore. because all of this is entirely your fault. no sorry required, i just hope karma hits u back.

the end.
Jenny~

today.

today proves to me that time is the best healer.
time shows to me that i am able to smile and say hi to him.
time shows to me that i felt alright even when i reached my room, i did not cry like i used to.
i didnt feel sad anymore.
i didnt feel like crying badly like last time anymore.

and this actually tells me that i am already moving on to the next step slowly,
i am also ready to move pass the past memories,
yes, i would still recall back, miss them but who wont when it was your first?
but life still gotta go on..
i still have to go on with my life on my own..
but here, i wanna say,
i am ok.
i will be even better soon.
though its awkward to talk like we used to,
i hope we would remain like now, a hi-bye friend.
by doing so, i would heal even faster.
but no matter what, i would always hope that you would be always happy and healthy.
because i would make sure that i am always happy and healthy without you.
i am now able to take care of myself d..
thank you.

Jenny~

inspired.

to my readers (if any),
u would notice that i love to write about relationship and stuffs like that,
maybe by writing on this topic,
i wont risk getting caught by the authorities,
or getting slammed with insults from some weird ppl..

but dont worry,
am not gonna write any emo post..
its just that i got across this quote by Steve Job,
whom kinda inspire me as well,
he said,

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking.
Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.
And, like any great relationships, it just gets better and better as the year rolls on."

Inspired!
why?
i guess i have to somehow get out of the dark blankets and start to look around me..
i know timing is not here yet coz i know my priority right now is my studies which will be reaching the end next year..
but nevertheless, i still believe in less than three (l.o.v.e)..
i believe in God's plans on me.. 

Jenny~

weekends?

well, its the weekends..
i mean da weekend that i anticipate since monday and tuesday are declared as holidays due to Hari Raya Haji...
and yeah, no lectures, just me and the room...
with my lappie and phone..
while everyone is back home or in KK dating and stuffs like that...

thinking about the past,
i kinda miss those romantic getaways...
but enough of those,
things wont be the same again,
and thinking of it would not even make it come true..
if it would, i would think of money everyday,
so it would appear at my doorstep..
haha..

anywayz, i guess im gonna spend my weekend as a normal single lady would do in a trapped campus with no-chance-of-going-out-to-meet-nice-people-and-having-good-food,
to stay in my room, watch the remaining movies or dramas, listening to my songs and reading magazines, playing game and sleep...
wow, such an "incredible" weekend...
sigh..
i need some pills to cure my randomness...

i need ________. (fill in the blank as you please),
Jenny~

rebound?

i love to write things that i can share..
which is including relationship wise..
sometimes, talking to my friends and listening to them talking endlessly about relationship makes me think..
does being single really that scary?
does finding another replacement in an immediate timing that necessary?
does waiting really wout mean nothing?
does finding a new replacement that worth it?
do they ever think of the next step?

i do wonder,
how would one who just broke up or lost someone they hold on to so dearly and cling on them previously could easily moved on and get someone new?
i wanted it, you know?
but im lucky to be not one of them..
why?
maybe because i dont wanna get hurt again..
maybe because i would expect more from the next r/ship..
maybe because i do not want it to end in another breaking point...
maybe because i do not wish to regret in the nxt r.ship..
but everyone has their own point of views..
for me, rebound is not my thing...
and never would be my thing..
coz when karma hits, it hits badly...
guess i would have to stay this way till timing is right..

stay calm and awesome..
Jenny~

travel.travel.travel.

This year is like a travelling year for me..
i have been like going to places like KL, Terengganu, Tenom and the next in list was Kundasang!
this was the place that i wished to go so much and finally, im there..
but the sad thing was it kept raining and i didnt get to take much pics of the whole place there..
but it was so cold and the wind was terribly icy and cold..
my suggestion?
no need to go overseas to experience winter...
just come to Kundasang...
hahaha..
and certainly, i wish to go there again..
but thin time with the people i love, my family...

sometimes, when i sat down and really think about it..
i guess life is indeed like a novel..
it has its ups and downs..
but i believe that God is always fair..
He would never give us something bitter without a little sweetness in it...
and for me, amidst all the challenges and obstacles,
i am still enjoying every bit of my life...
and thanx to the friends that make my life almost completed...
hehehe...
pictures?
maybe next time...
but i love being in Kundasang and wish to be there again...

love.mini.getaway.
Jenny~

fairytale.

this post is written while i am still struggling with words to finish my essay of 2500 words in which i have only accomplish 1253 words.. way to go, Jenny!
but, things distract me and make me kinda fed up..
well, since no friends to tell (or in order not to get anyone offended),
blog is my only confidante....

so,
living in a fairytale is wonderful, isnt it?
dreaming of getting married in a church,
walking down the altar with your pretty, gorgeous wedding dress,
gaining the fame of a celebrity for that one day,
linking hands with your loved one like how u see in everyone's wedding,
showing that smile of happiness in the church after proclaiming "I do"...
wonderful, isnt it?

but sadly, no one looked at the reality...
reality is never wonderful..
sometimes, i felt like i am surrounded by ppl who are blinded by fairytale,
thinking life is that wonderful,
thinking that love is indeed pretty,
thinking that we have to rush ourselves to get attached,
and getting ironic of each and every statement that they have spoken.

sometimes, people is indeed ironic..
one time they say like this, and then they can do whatever they want.
my principle, do what you say..
u cant do it?
then shut da freak out.
you make life miserable for others and fake for yourself.

fed up seriously.
Jenny~

Update part 2

Have u ever felt like u dont belong to a community?
It's like u hav this wall that is in between of u and them...
It makes u fear to mingle n eventually, lost ur confidence to handle these situations...
I thought those days wouldn't come to me...
I thought I won't feel such ways..
But da trip to T'ganu actually enable me to really look into me...
N indeed I cnot mix wit my own community members...
I cant talk comfortably wit them, I cant bring myself to approach them n worse, I start to be in my own world when im with them...
Reason?
My mandarin that is below da passing rate, my low confidence in da language, my high affective filter n not forgetting, da fear of being ignored...
I tried n it din work out...
So my choices? To let it be or to fix it?
My answer?
Im incapable to choose at this.moment. Sigh..

Jenny~