Don't rush

It has been quite a while not updating in this blog.
Assignments as well as workloads have been piling up previously,
and kept me away from updating the blog.
And thank God, everything has been settled,
and now, I am awaiting for my result before I proceed to my final semester in this journey of getting a Masters.

Life has been a normal routine for me.
Wake up in the morning, head to work, fulfilling my duties as an educator, head back home for lunch, TV and nap, then TV and games before repeating the same cycle again.
And for me, life is peaceful this way.
Relationship has been cast aside,
and without I knowing it, it has been placed at the furthest point in my life currently.
And I am back to being a fangirl of Kpop group,
in which I kept myself updated for every single detail of the group,
as well as wishing that I could attend their concert in the near future.

I guess this little fangirling moment has indeed helped me to cast aside any overthinking on relationship for the meantime.
And I also realised that instead of saying that there won't be anyone for me out there,
I always tell myself as well as others that I might just find a guy next year or get married next year.
No, I haven't found anyone yet but I guess by saying positive things like that will help me to feel confident that things will eventually fall in place when time comes.
I have listened to a lot of stories especially after-marriage stories where life was not the happily-ever-after that we often imagined it could be.
Challenges after challenges,
changes in routines,
lack of freedom to make own choices in career and life,
wrong choice of partners,
and the realisation of having to bear living with the man of the wrong choice due to being in a rush,
these are the things that somehow freak me out when people tried to talk me into getting married or meeting someone in blind dates.

I remembered how desperate I was to cling onto a man because I was in a rush,
and ended up getting hurt so badly that I lost hope.
I remembered how desperate I was that I didn't listen to my brain when I met a pervert,
and ended up getting traumatised with how things progressed and eventually ended by me.
And because of that,
I learnt my lesson.
Someone is out there for me,
and feeling in a rush is never going to help me get to the person.
Therefore, I kept myself happy by loving myself more,
by doing things that I love,
by being myself and truly myself instead of moulding another persona just to appease someone else,
and eventually, being confident that one day, I, too, will walk down the aisle with the man that I know is right for me.

The one who would support me in my choice of career,
The one who would be there through my ups and downs,
and the one who would make me feel safe and not wary about how he felt,
and till the day comes,
I am going to pour all this love to me, myself and I.

Jenny~