If you can choose

 The other day, I had an online lesson with my pupils, 

and we came across this sentence in the stanza that mentioned the feeling of missing the old times,

and I struck up a question to my pupils,

if you choose to go back to a time, which moment would you want to be back and why?

They gave many different answers and mixed feedbacks as well,

some of them wished to go back to the past where they had more fun with friends,

and some of them prefer current moment as this is the time for them to grow mature and gain new experiences.

And then I thought to myself, which moment would I want to be back to and why?

I wish to go back to the times when there was no pandemic,

the time when we were free to go anywhere we want without any fear,

without the anxiety of we gonna get something bad when we go out,

the time when hanging out with friends or just having a meal at a cafeteria doesn't seem scary,

and the time when I can meet my pupils and colleagues and share wonderful times and stories with them.

But I am truly happy with the current moment as well.

This pandemic brought mixed feelings to me as if it's not because of this pandemic,

I wouldn't be able to attend my friend's wedding which was done at such a wonderful place,

I might not get the chance to be the bridesmaid and same goes to my other half,

and I might not get to meet him too.

I guess the only good thing this pandemic brought to me is my other half whom I love and cherish the most.

But honestly, this pandemic has brought its worst effects to me too.

The feeling of fear and anxiety is constantly there,

the feeling of loneliness especially during working hours at home has greatly impact my work performance to an extent of getting burnout.

The unbalanced lifestyle whereby I was not able to relax at my own home and constantly working day in day out has severely caused me to lose myself at times,

I was only able to pull through because of my other half who has been supporting me and calming me down during some of my bad days.

It is difficult, guys.

It is really difficult.

How I wish this will end now.

Please end now, Covid-19.

Jenny.

5th month

 Happy 5th month to us.

It didn't feel like it was only 5 months with you,

instead it feels like it has been ages with you.

Thank you for being my strength and my source of laughter.

Thank you for being at my side at all times especially during my down times, stressful times and also my sick and overthinking days.

To more days, weeks, months and years ahead.

May we laugh more and love more with each day to look forward to together.

Jenny~