At the new train

As she went up to her carriage,
she could smell the freshness of the carriage,
the untouched seat,
and the table which has been wiped clean.
She sat and placed a vase of flowers on her table,
while sorting out her favourite books in front of her.

As she awaits for her carriage to leave,
she saw a couple with a little boy.
They were arguing and could be heard from her carriage,
The wife was accusing the husband for having an affair,
and angrily asked the husband if he has ever cared about the family,
about her son,
and about her.
The husband retaliated,
and asked her if she ever cared about him.

And as she sat back properly at her carriage,
she started to take out her pen and her notebook.
She started to write about her feelings,
and one of it was,
"Humans are the most complex being,
they could love another person like it's their most precious lives,
but they could also hurt another person as much as they love them.
Humans are the most complex being,
they love to find the rarest, prettiest and most gorgeous item in the world,
but fails to appreciate.
When it disappears,
then they will be filled with regrets and remorse,
and wanting to go back to the first place.
Humans."

And she looked outside her window,
thinking of how fortunate she is,
that she is still waiting for the right person,
and not being the one going through the similar thing.
She finally realises that,
everything she is going through has a reason.

Jenny~

Airport

Today, I went to the airport to fetch my sister.
While sitting and waiting for her,
I looked around.
I looked and observed the people in the airport.
Some of them were in pairs,
Some of them were with their families,
Some were with their friends,
and there were also some who came on their own.

Looking at those people,
and looking at their expressions,
make me realise that,
the airport is like a container of feelings.
A container that is filled with different kinds of feelings.
When I was a teenage,
I always envy the people who goes out and travel,
since I thought they would be the happiest when they are able to do so.

But now,
I realised that,
travelling is not always for a happy purpose,
there are people who goes out to heal their wounds.
That's why I was able to see a mixture of feelings in the airport.
Airport is not only the place for the happiest couple,
but it is also the place for the heartbroken.

Jenny~

Lucky

You know how people always tell me how lucky am I?
How lucky of me getting into a primary school and being taught by Filipinos teachers,
that has helped me build a strong foundation in my fluency.
How lucky of me getting into secondary school in Miri and entering the class even though I am the youngest amongst all the students in it because of my year of birth.
How lucky of me of getting good results in PMR even though I only started studying in that school when I was Form 2.
How lucky of me of getting good results in SPM despite my difficulties in comprehending Physics and Additional Mathematics,
and how lucky I am to be able to enter into teaching field despite being rejected from matriculation, JPA scholarship and public universities,

Entering into teaching field was a dream that came true for me,
and I was blessed with the luck of going after my dream.
When I knew where I was going,
I was able to say that I am lucky to  be given the chance to go to Sabah to pursue my dream.
Lucky enough to meet with awesome and sporting lecturers that taught me a lot about life,
lucky to meet with wonderful friends that have been there for me through thick and thin,
and still connecting with them all this while though not as frequent as last time.

After leaving the college,
I was lucky again for being posted to a place that was my home.
Lucky to be in a school with lovely colleagues,
with plenty of opportunities to upgrade myself and to show what I have,
and chances to learn new things.
After all this, I should be grateful, shouldn't I?
I am grateful for the luck that have bestowed on me.
I am indeed thankful for being able to sail smoothly in this one part of life.

But when it comes to relationship,
I find myself out of luck.
I think I have told the story millions of time in my previous posts,
and I thought it might change once I get posted out.
But it seems that it is still the same.
When I thought I was lucky to meet one,
I wasn't.
It still goes back to the same old story.

Just for once, I wish that some of the old luck will spread in my relationship as well.
I wish that someone will look at me,
and say that he has finally found me after all this while.
I wish that someone will pursue me relentlessly,
offering their shoulder and companion to me at all times,
constantly reassuring me that everything will be okay,
and look into my eyes,
telling me not to worry because he will be there to catch me when I fall.
Doing all the things that I have been doing,
and giving back the feelings the I have been giving out,
and finally make me feel wanted
and needed.

Jenny~

On her first journey

After walking to her new platform,
she sat and waited for her train.
As she was waiting,
she thought back about what have happened recently,
and how she had changed,
bit by bit.

She remembered how she would always remember,
remember all the nice things as well as the hurtful things that occur to her,
making herself feel miserable and sad.
And now, she tried to forget things,
and only remember the good ones.

She remembered how she would always go from carriage to carriage,
trying to find leads and information,
that would cause her more pain than happiness.
And now, she stopped herself from doing so by changing platform,
and tried to know lesser and lesser.

She remembered how envious and jealous is she seeing other people,
or hearing people talking about others,
and how she often overthink everything,
and causes things to get even worse.
And now, she stopped herself from feeling jealous,
she feeds herself with good impressions,
and she stopped thinking about how things could or could have not been.

She started to realise that,
expectations are the killing factors in her life,
and when she started to least expect,
she feels the happiest.
And now, she is happy.
Happy with her current life, career and friendship.
Though there are times she does feel down,
but she reminded herself,
that things happen in such a way,
because it has meant to happen in that way.

Jenny~

Changing platforms

Today, she did something that she didn't know she will do for the rest of her journey.
Today, she walked down from her usual train carriage,
carrying her suitcase and her favourite book with a cup of hot latte,
and went to the ticket counter.
Instead of riding the same carriage,
she has finally decided to change platforms.

After buying her new ticket to another new adventure,
she turned back and sat at the old spot,
reminiscing all the memories that she had spent in that platforms,
thinking back about the types of people she met during her journey,
all the laughters and giggles that she had shared in that seat of hers,
all the tears and sighs that she had been through in that seat of hers,
and thinking back of all the lessons she learnt throughout her journey.

That journey of hers has been an exciting one,
with lots of ups and downs,
and she finally decided.
Decided to find another type of journeys,
meeting up with new people,
and reconnect back to herself.

As she was sitting at the bench that she once waited for someone,
her old train carriage started its engine,
ready to continue its journey.
She looked at the train leaving,
and she bid farewell to the seat of hers,
which have kept her accompanied and leaving her with memories,
that she vowed to keep well in her heart.

She stood up,
turned her back,
and head to another new platform.
Sat at a new bench,
and now awaiting for the next train,
for the next journey,
for the next new meeting,
and a fresh start.

Jenny~