Airport

We had a short holidays for this week as the state declared two days off as public holidays,
which were deemed unnecessary,
but it was because of this, I was able to have a nice bonding time with my best friend.
When I went and picked her up at the airport,
I was super excited as I was able to spend three days with her,
without the presence of her husband.

Those three days were filled with lots of laughter,
reminiscing the olden days,
as well as going for unplanned drive and getting massages.
I had a lot of fun just by hanging out with her,
talking to her and just spending time with her.
It has been quite a while not doing stuffs like this,
ever since IPG time.

And today, I was also in charge of sending her off to the airport.
Seeing her back as she turned away and heading to the boarding hall before bidding farewell actually breaks my heart bit by bit.
And I realised that the airport is the place where we can find both happiness and sadness at the same time.
Happiness as we embark on a new journey,
to a new destination,
with people we love and love us.
Sadness as we watched the backs of our loved ones,
turning away from us and heading to a new destination,
while we carry on our lives without the presence of our loved ones.

It was indeed a heartbreaking moment when I started to tear up in the airport,
and I kept on telling myself not to break down in the airport.
I walked to my car,
closed the door,
put on my seatbelt,
and cried the whole journey back to my own place.

Changes haven't been something easy to me.
And watching someone's back turned away from me,
leaving me at my old place,
while I'm all alone standing there,
is heartbreaking.
I always thought I would be able to endure this kind of situation,
but I realised that I am not as strong and resilient as I thought I would be.

Be strong, little heart.
More to come soon.

Jenny~

Swept with emotions

She stood under a bus stop.
Waiting for the next bus to carry her to the next destination.
Past few days, she has been experiencing too much emotions,
too much sadness that was self-inflicted,
too much of thinking over things that she can't control.

She looked at herself in the mirror,
scolding herself for forgetting why came down from the train,
forgetting the reason why she has came into this small town,
forgetting that without him, she should continue on her journey.

The thoughts of him made her happy,
as well as caused pain to her,
and eventually, she decided.
Decided to pack up,
and move to the next town.
But deep inside,
she knew that no matter where she goes,
she will always be bringing her emotional luggage,
as she couldn't let it go.

She thought she had let it go,
but she didn't.
She thought she is strong enough,
but she isn't.
She thought she could continue this journey by herself,
before realising that,
she was barely making it.

Be strong.
Let go when it's too painful to hold on.
Cry out loud and embrace the pain.
Let the pain reminds you of the lessons learnt,
and move on.

Jenny~

Where?

Where is the old you?

Where is the old you that puts marriage at the very first element in life?

Where is the you that always wants to be in love,

and always find yourself dreaming of wearing that white gown,

walking down the aisle to the man you have been wishing for,

and say the magical words, "I do"?

Where is the you that have always dreamed of having kids,

and having a blissful family?

and where is the you who have always been so open and happy,

when it comes to talking about wedding?

You have turned into someone that you have never imagined to be in your young life.

You have turned into someone who doesn't accept the idea of wedding as your happy ending,

You have turned into someone cold,

who thinks wedding is a waste of money.

You have turned into someone who can't stop working,

because work is the only way for you to escape from thinking.

You have turned into someone who only thinks of finding someone to go travel with,

and no longer trying to find someone to settle down.

You have turned into someone who doesn't dream of getting married anymore,

because deep inside, 

you know you have given hope in this superficial love.

You have already given up on that dream,

regardless of how people tell you to never give up.

You have already given up on the dream of meeting someone who you could love and love you back,

regardless of how people ask you to continue to search.

and you have given up on the idea of falling in love,

because right now, your heart is so broken,

that when you think you are mending it,

you aren't.

All you did is just to piece it up together,

and eventually breaking it again.

That's why you were so upset,

you were angry,

you were sad,

and you were crying,

when people talk about how they wouldn't meet their another half if they were in the same part of the journey with you.

Because you know you do not have that dream or wish anymore.

Jenny~