She

How is she?
Is she doing fine now?
Is she still sitting at the cafe, waiting for someone to come and make her light up?
Or has she packed up and head to the train station?
Has she took the next train?
Or is she still waiting for the train to come?

She is still there.
Sitting on the bench alone.
Covered with her red scarf,
Her eyes glistened with tears.
How long does she has to be here?
How much longer should she wait?
Where should she go next?

She looked up at the sky,
And closed her eyes.
He is still there.
She opened her eyes,
stood up,
and walked aimlessly,
not knowing where to go next,
what to do next,
and who to meet next.

She smiled to every stranger,
though her heart aches.
She made small talks with people around her,
though her heart still longs for him.
She talked about moving on,
when she hasn't moved on.
She was okay,
but she isn't.

She needs a closure.
She needs a reason.
To move on.

Jenny~

Holidays

Holidays.

Finally, the long awaited break has eventually arrived.

And as usual, everyone is excited with the long break,

excited with their upcoming travel plans, or just spending their time with their families,

but not for me.

For me,

holidays mean studies.

And yes, I am now in my final semester of my Masters journey,

and I am still in the midst of completing my project paper which has been put off for several months due to hectic workloads.

Therefore, this long break is going to be filled with lots of heartaches and stress to complete as well as hand in the necessary tasks before really going off for a break.

Unlike other people, I am always feeling down when it comes to holidays.

The feeling of being at home alone,

with no one to talk or laugh with,

with no one surrounding me and making feel accompanied,

makes me at times dread for holidays, especially long ones.

Holidays also remind me of someone.

Time passes and he still lingers in my mind.

Time passes and his presence, smile and those conversations still hitting the replay button in my head.

And only work could pause and eliminate these old aches.

Save me from plunging deeper into this dark pit of workloads,

Save me from continuously seeking my way into this dark pit of workloads,

Somebody save me.

Jenny~

Busiest

Busiest time of my life.

Busy with school events,

school workloads,

documents for observations,

documents for parents' meeting,

courses and fulfilling duties as per instructed by the higher authorities,

assignments,

my incomplete paper.

It is always during the busiest time of my life that makes me miss your presence the most when its too unbearable.

It is always during the busiest time of my life that makes me addicted with the exhilaration and pressure that I forgot to let go of myself at times.

And it is always during the busiest time of my life that makes me the happiest even though under the most intense pressure,

and when everything has been settled,

it is always going to be the loneliest, saddest and hardest reality to face,

the reality that I am still alone,

lonely.

Jenny.