Updates.

 It's been a while not updating this blog except for the monthly anniversary with my love.

It has been a really tough journey during this year's pandemic,

and honestly speaking, it has taken a toll on my physical and mental health as well.

When it comes to working at home, it has been exhausting and tiring.

People think that its easy working at home,

that we all just lie on the couch, attends some online classes or sending offline tasks to our pupils,

and then we can relax and go shopping or binge watching our series,

but honestly it doesn't happen in such a way.

I have been having anxiety and panic attacks for several nights now,

and it has caused me to have difficulty to sleep and rest when it is supposedly time to rest.

Waking up in the morning, 

sitting right in front of the screen, doing online Google Meets with the pupils,

assigning tasks for them, checking their attendance, keying in their attendance in two different platforms,

preparing tasks and lesson plans for the next day,

finishing up school works here and there,

attending Google Meets for workshops, briefing and all sort of things till 5pm.

and then, getting calls and last minute texts about work.

It is seriously frustrating and upsetting.

and my mental health has been seriously affected to the point of getting anxiety attacks,

of getting burnt out,

of getting easily annoyed when getting calls from work,

of losing temper easily when last minute calls for work and sometimes matter unrelated to me.

And it has also caused me to gain weight due to this hidden stress.

It's not easy dealing with all of this and I really wish to go back to school and work normally.

I really wish to get back to work, and finally have my deserving rest at home.

Instead of messing up my work time and rest time at home.

I can't imagine the immense stress of having to deal all of this if I have a family in the future.

Gosh.

My mind is tired and unproductive,

and all the things that I want to do and focus on are all in arrays due to this pandemic.

The unforgiving higher authorities that seem to ignore the time that we should be resting,

The endless works that are not bringing any benefits to our career and our kids,

The illogical workshops that seem to share the best practices and yet can't be applied in the current situations,

seriously, can you just stop?

When the officer asked me the other day if we did any motivation talks or workshops for teachers,

all I could think of to answer him is this,

give us a break. 

stop pushing us to attend meaningless things.

and stop pressuring us to achieve the "perfect data"

Jenny