The feast.

 After a long journey, 

she had reached her destination.

She walked through the town and was in the middle of a feast.

A wedding feast, to be exact.

With the bride and groom dancing with delight,

and with the guests clapping, tapping and enjoying the feast,

she came across someone who looked familiar.

She walked nearer and nearer to get a clear glimpse of him,

and who knew it was someone who had accompanied her in her previous train journey,

a friend who was close for a period of time before he dropped off at the other station.

He smiled and said hello,

she smiled and waved back.

And it's the start of a new beginning.

A new beginning in a new town,

surrounded with new people,

and feeling warm again.

Thank God she decided to stop by,

Thank God she decided to join the feast,

Thank God he turned and said hello.

This is going to be another long stay.

And may this be a permanent stay.

Jenny

New Year resolution?

I guess it's not too late to wish all a Happy New Year 2021!

May this year be a better year to all, 

and that this is the year where we all would be able to bloom in our most wonderful ways.

I do know that entering 2021 with the current pandemic scare,

and also, with lots of obstacles and hardships that stemmed from the pandemic,

each and everyone of us is going through a tough time.

But may this tough time bear fruits,

and that all of us would be able to go through it and eventually, see the light at the end of this tunnel.

As for me,

I entered 2021 in a different way compared to last few years.

This year, I was accompanied by my family and a close friend who have kept me accompanied during New Year eve through texts.

And when I thought that it might be over there,

it didn't.

Thank God for sending me such a wonderful person whose by my side from the day I met him by accident till now.

May good things come from this.

New Year resolutions for 2021!

I do not have much resolutions to be made this year but here are some of the goals that I wish to achieve b the end of the year.

1. Maintain my 62kg, pls! 

2. Appreciate and cherish the moment spent with him.

3. Appreciate and cherish myself each day.

I guess that's it.

2021 will be a year where I will try my best to reduce my workaholic attitude and spend more time on myself and this newfound warmth. 

May 2021 be a great year despite all the negativity and dark holes.

Jenny~

Towards the end of 2020

 2020 is coming to its end,

and it's time to recap back the resolutions made.

So back in 2019, my resolutions for 2020 was quite general,

and it involves the following:

1. Loving myself more.

2020 was the year where I loved myself more than anything in the sense of being happy without dependent on others.

It was also the year where I decided to remove myself from toxic situations in workplace and just be happy by doing my own stuffs in my career.

It was the year where I was determined to lose weight and eventually succeeded in losing almost 10kg within 6 months through strict diet as well as workouts.

And it was also the year where I decided to purchase my favourite boyband's merchandise instead of only seeing in in the Internet.

This is the year where I have showered myself with love and being happy, truly happy despite suffering from several anxiety and panic attacks due to the current ongoing pandemic scare.

2. To find happiness in whatever that occurs in life.

2020 was the year where I try my best to look at things in a positive view.

Despite the pandemic scare as well as the fear of going out, I find simple happiness at home just by doing house chores.

Despite how disappointing it is to be unable to meet my pupils and only interact through online meet ups, I was still happy to see them being actively involved in the lessons. 

Despite being unable to graduate this year, I am still happy that I have finally done my Masters within the time frame that I have planned for myself.

3. Always anticipate the unknown ventures. 

Honestly, I thought that 2020 would be the year where I would be flying around the country to attend courses and to deliver courses,

but instead, I met the person that unknowingly brighten up my life day by day.

I thought that 2020 would be the year where I would be flying high in my career,

but instead, I met the person that makes me want to slow down in my career for the first time.

I thought that I would be ending 2020 like how previous years were, alone,

but instead, I met the person that celebrated Christmas Eve with me and tried his best to spend time with me through outings and texts.

I never expected this,

but thank God.

Thank God for sending this person into my life despite all the crazy stuffs and pandemic scares happening day by day.

2020 had been a confusing year to all.

A year where I spent the most time at home,

A year where I decided to finally move on and spent some time to build myself up physically and emotionally,

A year where I met him.

May 2021 be a much more wonderful year to all, 

a year where the pandemic would eventually disappear,

and all of us would be back to how we have always been normally.

Jenny~

Thank God for everything.

 Thank God for everything.

Thank God for all His arrangement and his perfect timing.

Thank God that I could meet you again after five years.

I am thankful and grateful that I decided to surrender my relationship to God.

Letting Him to arrange everything and just wait for it to fall into places is the best decision that I have made.

I am thankful that I was selected as the bridesmaid for Phoebe's wedding,

if not, I would not have been so determined to lose weight and to look beautiful that evening.

I am thankful that I didn't give up on my journey of losing weight and working hard to fit in that gorgeous dress,

if not, I would have dressed as how I usually did.

I am thankful that I took the initiative to text you first after meeting you for the rehearsal,

if not, I don't think we would even talk to one another.

I am thankful that I approached you first for our first picture,

if not, I don't think we would have chatted the night away.

And I am thankful for the little things that you did for me and on how you really took care of me,

it makes me feel so warm inside knowing that you are there.

And thank you for spending Christmas Eve with me this year.

You do not know how long have I wished for this to happen.

And it finally did.

Thank you.

and Thank You God for making this wish come true last night.

Happy birthday Jesus and thank you for the wonderful gift that You have bestowed upon me.

Thank you.

Blessed Christmas to all.

May the magic of Christmas be upon all of us,

and that Covid-19 would disappear as soon as possible.

Jenny~

What a coincidence!

What a coincidence!

I didn't expect to meet you again,

I even forgotten about your existence actually,

and that was the reason of me doubting my eyes when I saw you.

Who knew you would appear at my friend's wedding rehearsal as the best man,

and I as the bridesmaid?

And honestly, it felt so refreshing to meet you again,

and the way you reminded me of tuition and the stuffs we talked together,

Gosh, 

it brought me back to those days.

Life is unpredictable indeed.

Who knew we would meet again in a wedding.

And we would be updating each other about respective lives.

What a lovely coincidence.

Jenny

Differences

I remember observing and asking myself,

why do some people change and decided to go on their own ways at a certain point of time?

Why do some people don't remain as close as they were back in those times?

And finally, today, I understood why.

There are times when I'm a little bit annoyed when friends who are married only come to me and complained about their kids,

or their marriage life,

or their other half.

There are times when I wish that they would at least ask about how I'm doing in my life and actually listen to it,

instead of asking for the sake of asking and then throw away all their problems in their married life to me.

There are times when I wish that they would listen to my woes in my life despite not being married,

instead of telling me that it's nothing or just brush it aside because apparently, my woes are not that "important" as theirs.

There are times when I was giving my fullest support to them in their career,

hoping that they are able to do better in it, 

going all out for it, 

unlocking and applying their fullest potentials that I know they had in their career,

but instead of getting motivated, replies such as, family first, I have enough of it,

I wanna do something that would make me happier, comes in.

And it's difficult.

It's difficult when we don't share the same views or perspectives in career,

it makes me feel like I'm talking too much about my career, 

or I'm too proud of my achievements which I am not.

It's difficult when we don't share the same views or perspectives in relationship and marriage,

it makes me feel like I do not have the intention to get married,

or I am too engrossed in my career that I do not want to settle down which I am not.

And because of that, 

I started to slowly change and diverting my path a bit to my way now.

I guess it's time to grow up.

It's time to walk the path on my own now.

Jenny~

Sorry? Okay.

I'm sorry for hurting you.

I'm sorry if I have hurt you.

Both started with the word, "sorry",

but which one comes from the heart?

If you are sorry for what you have done,

you were supposed to say the first one.

But if you think you didn't do anything wrong and merely apologised for what you think was wrong,

then the latter suits you.

Honestly, 

when you said the latter to me,

I thought that this is the right time for me to again remind you on my pain,

the pain of being ghosted,

the pain of holding so much hope and eventually being let down,

the pain of not being recognized in the public despite being so close once upon a time,

and the pain of being left without any apparent reasons. 

But I erased it.

Because I have finally moved on.

There were no resentment when I read the message.

There were no more hurt or pain that I thought I would feel.

I was no longer reminded of the past,

and most importantly, I was able to carry on with my daily routine without being bothered much.

And that's why, I answered, okay.

Okay, I am no longer trapped in the loop of being hurt again and again by my own thoughts.

Okay, I am moving on.

Okay, you are now just an acquaintance that I will only reach to if necessary for career purposes.

We both have our own lives now,

therefore, okay.

I am finally done with this.

I am finally okay.

Jenny~