Today.

Today.
She felt unusually lonely.
Remember the man whom always coming to her seat,
bringing a cup of coffee,
bringing his companionship to her place?

These days,
he somehow stopped visiting.
There was no hot coffee on her seat as usual,
and there wasn't anyone in front of her today.

She felt lonely for the first time.
Yes, she felt sad.
She asked herself,
what went wrong?

But she quickly woke up,
and told herself that,
this was meant to happen.
She had already warned her little heart,
this would happen eventually.

She pushed her pile of books back to the table,
She brought herself her own cup of coffee,
and this time, she brought some flowers for herself.
To remind her that amidst whatever that happened,
she is always beautiful inside.
And only those who can see that will appreciate her,
and will stay to discover it.

And she continued her journey in the train,
this time, with no more anticipation,
expectation.
but with independence,
and love to ownself.

Jenny~

Peacemaker

Have you ever loved something so much that you don't want to let it go?
Have you ever loved someone so much that you just want to spend the rest of your life with that person?
Everyone of us loves or loved something or someone that we would sacrifice almost everything for them.

In my case, my family.
I remember how harmonious we are when we were still kids.
After my parents decided to be in separate places, we were still harmonious.
Until mini fights appear and I have to become the peacemaker.
At that time, I was worried that this family would split.
But luckily, we made it through the darkest times.

As time passes by, my parents gradually increases with age.
And as people says, they are at their most sensitive phases.
And more arguments and mini fights ensues due to not understanding one another,
and again, I have to be the peacemaker.

Sometimes, I feel like I love this job.
I mean it meas that I care the most and that I am the one they would refer to when they need me,
It made me feel needed.
But sometimes, I hate this job.
I hate being the one thinking on how to explain to one side,
and getting all the negative charges from one side.

And it makes me feel even wary about relationship.
There are so many "what-ifs" in my head when I thought about it.
And it just stops me in my track.
When did love become so complicated?

Jenny~

Stopping by

Remember the time when a man stopped by her seat the other day?
Remember the time when she said she stopped hoping for the man return again?
Today, without her expecting, he came back again.
And without failing, everyday, he would bring a cup of coffee to her place,

leaving it there for her,

talked for a while,

and it repeats almost everyday.

It made her confused.

Why is he doing this?

When she started to let down her guards, she felt vulnerable.

And she lifted up her guards again.

She isn't ready to lose the peace that she is now used to.

She isn't ready for unclear path.

She kept telling her heart,

not to start piling any hopes.

She kept telling her mind,

not to start imagining any scenes.

People might think that she isn't appreciating what is coming to her,

but the problem is,

how would she know for sure?

that this is a sign to let down her guard?

that she would not fall on the wrong place again?

Right now,

all she is doing is,

enjoy the cup of coffee this man brought to her,

enjoy the short company this man gave,

and reminding herself not to get used to any of it.

Jenny~

Updates

Updates..updates...updates.
Let's update several things that I am going through right now. 
And hello June!

Firstly, am still in my holidays,
but came back early as extra classes have started with my Year 6.
Kinda nervous as I am afraid that I lacked in preparing my kids for the upcoming UPSR.
But I know that they are capable in different aspects,
and regardless of what, they have made me proud with their attitudes and manners in school.

Next, workloads are still a lot,
I am stuck with my classroom deco and a lot of paper stuffs.
Trying to find back my motivation to push myself to complete all these unfinished works.
It jsut made my teaching jobs so irritating with these unnecessary workloads.

Relationships. Zero.
And yes, there are guys who texted me,
but all of them are just acquaintances.
And seriously, there is nothing more than that.
Will be talking about this topic in the next post.

I guess that's all to update.
Nothing major or minor changes in life,
so yeah, 
everything is just going as normal as possible.

xoxo.
Jenny~