Reflection of the year.

2017 has been a year filled with a lot of ups and downs for me,
a year that got me into an emotional turbulence for months,
and almost got me suck into deep sadness without really knowing why.
2017 has also been a year where I shed the most tears,
and laughed lesser.

It was a year that started with bad relationships with my colleagues,
unexpected twist with the closest friend,
and being down for many days, thinking what went wrong,
what was wrong with me,
why did things always happen to me,
and being really negative to all the things that have happened.

It was also a year that saw me losing my focus,
my directions in life,
lying in darkness for days, crying without knowing the real reasons,
went to counselling room and church to seek inner peace,
and emotionally drained.
But things happened for a reason,
and it was nice to see that with all the shortcomings,
there were sweetness in it indeed.

I became close to the colleague who once hated me,
and we were now back to our usual relationship.
I started to accept the reality between myself and my friend,
and decided that, moving on has always been the hardest choice,
but can be done as long as I'm determined in it.
I have also started to train myself not to think too much on things that I couldn't control,
and have applied for studies.
All in all, my year has ended with a good note on almost everything.

And now, let's reflect on the resolution that I have made and see how has each progressed.

1. Work hard in my career and always be professional when it comes to work.
= Honestly speaking, my career was met with a lot of pauses this year as I was actually experiencing burn-out from it. I was alone in the beginning of the year, trying to meet expectations and all, and eventually, I wasn't able to give my best to my pupils which was disappointing. 

2. Try to eat healthy and stay fit in whatever means.
= This has not been going on smoothly. I was still indulging in unhealthy snacks and getting fit only lasted for a few days. But the good thing is, I am teaching PJ next year so I have to be fit no matter what. 

3. Prioritise myself over others.
= This was the thing that I failed to do. Instead of prioritising myself, I gave my all to others and eventually, got hurt terribly. I forgot to love myself, and even if I remember, it would only last for a few days before I started to think and wondered what went wrong till I am ignored. 

4. And last but not least, love. Love and appreciate myself more before loving and appreciating others.
= Honestly speaking, I forgot to love and appreciate myself this year. And because of that, I have experienced the worst mood swings and sadness due to expecting love and appreciation from other people.

In conclusion, I am embarrased to say that my resolutions for 2016 have not been achieved. 
It was a year that taught me a lot about myself,
 a year that fully wakes me up about the importance of living the life,
not for others, but for myself,
a year where I frantically search and eventually lost it,
a year where inner peace has been taken away, and I was controlled by emotions all the time,
and also a year to close with a good note that the following year will be a good year.
Therefore, I close this chapter of the year with a hope that next year will be a better one.

Thank you for the memories.
Thank you for the happiness and sadness.
Thank you for the tears of sadness and joy.
And thank you for the lessons.
It has been a twisted year,
and I look forward to another new chapter in life.

Jenny~

28.12

28.12.2017.

4 more days away from 2018,

a new year where people will be reflecting on what they have done in the previous year,

and eventually set up a new goal,

and be a " new me".

Today's post will be about my one month holiday,

where I will be sharing on what I have been doing,

thinking and feeling throughout the holidays.

I spent the first few weeks at home,

being pampered like a princess by my parents,

and have been reading a series of Harry Potter's novels.

And I spent some days at my best friend's place,

where we talked about her upcoming wedding,

and everything in the world that we could come up to.

It was nice knowing that she was still the same person that I knew years ago,

and that both of us were still as crazy but less random compared to last time,

and I enjoyed myself a lot during those few days where we were laughing,

talking, and imagining the next future.

After that, I spent couple more days at my mom's little town,

where everyday, I woke up to the sound of the people selling stuffs downstairs,

sound of the neighbours' roosters,

and watching sunrise and sunset behind my shop house,

as well as looking at the bright stars decorating the whole sky.

It made me forget about my age for a while,

forget about all the issues and concerns that I carried all this while.

Next stop was just a few days back home and then back to my dad's hometown,

and now, finally settling down at my working home.

During the whole month of holidays,

I have been watching a lot of TV especially Singaporean dramas,

and coincidentally, everytime I started to think,

there would be a scene when the actor or actress would enlighten me with their words of advices.

And I would be enlightened,

and told myself to stop overthinking,

and drowning myself in unnecessary sadness and stress.

This holiday has been a good one.

I found that I am anticipating the new year with the workloads,

I am excited with what the new year has in store for me,

and I am still working very hard to block all kinds of overthinking,

especially in relationship,

and just let things happen.

The universe has given me ample of signs to move on,

and I believe it is indeed the time to do so.

My next post will be on my reflections of the things have occured to me throughout 2017,

and whether my resolutions have been achieved for the year. Keep reading!

Jenny~

December

She looked outside,

and stared at the sky,

December is here,

and she starts to ponder.

Amidst all the rain and snow,

could she finally reach where she belongs?

To the familiar places,

or to people whom are strangers,

she longs to know,

but aches to walk on.

Jenny.