Differences

I remember observing and asking myself,

why do some people change and decided to go on their own ways at a certain point of time?

Why do some people don't remain as close as they were back in those times?

And finally, today, I understood why.

There are times when I'm a little bit annoyed when friends who are married only come to me and complained about their kids,

or their marriage life,

or their other half.

There are times when I wish that they would at least ask about how I'm doing in my life and actually listen to it,

instead of asking for the sake of asking and then throw away all their problems in their married life to me.

There are times when I wish that they would listen to my woes in my life despite not being married,

instead of telling me that it's nothing or just brush it aside because apparently, my woes are not that "important" as theirs.

There are times when I was giving my fullest support to them in their career,

hoping that they are able to do better in it, 

going all out for it, 

unlocking and applying their fullest potentials that I know they had in their career,

but instead of getting motivated, replies such as, family first, I have enough of it,

I wanna do something that would make me happier, comes in.

And it's difficult.

It's difficult when we don't share the same views or perspectives in career,

it makes me feel like I'm talking too much about my career, 

or I'm too proud of my achievements which I am not.

It's difficult when we don't share the same views or perspectives in relationship and marriage,

it makes me feel like I do not have the intention to get married,

or I am too engrossed in my career that I do not want to settle down which I am not.

And because of that, 

I started to slowly change and diverting my path a bit to my way now.

I guess it's time to grow up.

It's time to walk the path on my own now.

Jenny~

Sorry? Okay.

I'm sorry for hurting you.

I'm sorry if I have hurt you.

Both started with the word, "sorry",

but which one comes from the heart?

If you are sorry for what you have done,

you were supposed to say the first one.

But if you think you didn't do anything wrong and merely apologised for what you think was wrong,

then the latter suits you.

Honestly, 

when you said the latter to me,

I thought that this is the right time for me to again remind you on my pain,

the pain of being ghosted,

the pain of holding so much hope and eventually being let down,

the pain of not being recognized in the public despite being so close once upon a time,

and the pain of being left without any apparent reasons. 

But I erased it.

Because I have finally moved on.

There were no resentment when I read the message.

There were no more hurt or pain that I thought I would feel.

I was no longer reminded of the past,

and most importantly, I was able to carry on with my daily routine without being bothered much.

And that's why, I answered, okay.

Okay, I am no longer trapped in the loop of being hurt again and again by my own thoughts.

Okay, I am moving on.

Okay, you are now just an acquaintance that I will only reach to if necessary for career purposes.

We both have our own lives now,

therefore, okay.

I am finally done with this.

I am finally okay.

Jenny~

Get married early!

Get married early!

You are not getting younger!

Your biological clock is ticking!

You are not going to get pregnant easily if you get married late!

Aiya, don't so picky lah! Just find someone and get married lah!

2 more years and you're turning to 30 liao.

When wanna get married??

Sounds familiar?

Well, this is what I have been listening to and argued everyday in my life.

And it saddens me when I came across a post shared in Facebook,

whereby a man was commenting on how women should get married early, 

on how women who is getting older will not be wanted by any men,

on how these women who stayed single will eventually regret when seeing other women having kids at that age,

and on how these women's biological clock is ticking fast,

and on how these women will be called "andartu" or "leftover women" by then.

I was hurt and disappointed reading those comments.

and therefore, I feel like I need to share my views on this matter.

I am not sure if this man who wrote such tweets will ever come across my post, 

but this goes to all those who thought that we, women, decided to stay single because we could.

To those who thought we chose to be single,

we never chose to be one.

I am ready to get married.

I am ready to settle down and build a family now.

But how would I be able to do so if I haven't met the one?

The one.

You might think that I am waiting for the one who looks like my favourite oppa, 

or some rich guys,

or some prince charming to sweep me off my feet,

when all I am waiting for is a man who would love me as much as I love him,

a man who will be my companion during the happiest and the most terrible times in my life,

a man who will grow together with me emotionally and spiritually,

and a man who is ready to accept and embrace me wholeheartedly to start a new journey with.

Is this what you say, too picky?

If it is, then so be it. 

Some would then say, why don't you join more social gatherings?

Join more events, go to clubs, go out more!!!

My answer to them, so what if I go to all these stuffs?

If it is not the time to meet him, I will never meet the right person despite going out every night and meeting with new people.

Previous experience has taught me a lot.

Meeting with someone who I thought was the right person,

and eventually got heartbroken and devastated after being hung up on blue ticks,

am I going to go through such a moment again?

No.

Go chase after that guy!

If you are not proactive, you won't get him!

Guys nowadays are shy! You need to be one step ahead!

I did. And what happen?

I looked like some desperate woman who want to just get married now and have babies tomorrow.

I changed myself for the sake of being liked by him,

and what did I get?

I lost myself.

And thank God, I found myself back and I found my smiles back again.

To be honest, 

I rather stay single than ending up with the wrong person.

I rather be alone than ending up being lonely with the wrong person.

I rather have no ring on my finger than having a ring but feeling miserable of it.

I rather be with no man than being with a man who would create misery and sufferings to me till the end of my life.

I rather stay unmarried than getting divorce with a man who decided he could find someone better than me.

Yes, I want to get married.

Yes, I want to settle down.

Yes, I want to have babies and watch them grow.

Yes, I want to have someone to come home for.

But I will never settle for the less.

If you love me, then seek for me.

Work hard for me and start a new journey with me when you are ready.

Because I am ready,

are you ready?

Jenny~