dissatisfied!

Dissatisfied!
Yeah, that's how i was feeling these days..
And I am not even a teacher yet..
Like seriously..

People should work like how they should do work,
Instead of saying they will do it, and eventually someone else clears up the mess for them,
and guess what,
yeah,
they get all the credits..
You do all the hard work,
the preparations, 
the crazy perfection that you hope you could achieve at the end of the month,
and eventually, that person got the same A with you,
by doing nothing.

How in the world could I be satisfied with this?
I tried to like do what i usually do,
just take it inside and yeah, let it be..
But sometimes, i wish,
like seriously wish,
they would feel how I felt and get treated the same way as well!

I guess this is just the beginning,
and i bet in the future, 
am gonna meet the same problems too.
and by then, what should i do?
do the same thing like now?
just close my eyes and be "satisfied"?

Jenny~

moments.

I seriously should consider opening another new blog when i graduate that will like totally talk about my career as well as the events happening in my life..
This blog is like always with my feelings and stuffs like that..
Anywayz, i love to blog about these stuffs,
so yeah, here we go again..

All this while when I was previously single,
I questioned the ultimate question.
Why people can't move on after breaking up?
And then when i was previously in a relationship,
I questioned another ultimate question again.
Why people wanna get into a relationship that has no future on it?
And then, now I am back to single,
I question the next ultimate question.
Why do people still get hurt after few months or years not being attached to that jerk?

And the ultimate answer was,
the moments.
the feelings.
the memories.
People say feelings never stayed permanently,
we felt differently everytime we wake up..
Sometimes, we feel happy,
sometimes, we feel down.
So, feelings never actually remained there.
What was permanent and can't be forgotten is,
those moments, feelings and memories.

Going to one place reminds u of that one time.
Eating that food reminds u of that one time when we.
And listening to people saying that particular stuffs reminds u of that thing we used to.
And because all this could bring permanent fluttering happy feelings or permanent pain.
And thus, why people still get into relationship with the wrong reason or people?
because they want that permanent good feelings,
same goes with me.
I wanted that,
but I dont want it for the wrong reasons or with the wrong people.
Because i dont want to be left and add on to my permanent pain.

So to those whose reading this and could relate to this,
think of it,
if it leaves u with a permanent good feelings, go for it.
but if its gonna leave u with another permanent pain, why still go ahead?

Jenny~

wow.

coincidence?
I never really trusted coincidences these days..
But yeah, seriously coincidence.
Coincidentally, I found an article,
and coincidentally, I realised that not only I am waiting for the right one,
but someone else is also as desperate and still awaiting theirs too...
Yeah, everyone is awaiting for theirs,
so what's so special?

I guess to be able to read it,
to be able to relate to it,
that made it special..
Thus, i guess I have to say it in here,
let's await for our special ones together..
Who might know what happen in the future?
Like what he says, best things come to those least expected..
so i want to be that one,
the least expectant one.
teehee..

Jenny~

5 years

Its been five years since I first entered this campus,
so much memories made in this place,
the good ones,
the fun ones,
the sad ones,
the unwanted ones,
and the ones not to be remembered.

When I looked back at all those years,
I found myself growing up..
Growing up into someone whose not so naive anymore,
someone who can see the world even clearly right now,
someone who dont trust people so easily,
someone different from how i used to be..

experiences taught me to be different.
memories taught me to be strong.
people taught me to always act.
feelings taught me to not give in to everything.
friends taught me to believe in myself only.
family taught me to always turn to them no matter what.
and these five years taught me that,
No one would be at my side except for me and myself.
Never trust anyone except myself.
Never put too much hopes and expectations on anyone.
And never do stuffs that would make me cry at the end of the day.

Jenny~

no one knows.

No one knows,
what that little girl feels.
No one knows,
what that little girl thinks.
No one know,
what that little girl wants.
No one knows,
what that little girl needs.

For them,
that little girl is someone who looks happy all the times,
that little girl is someone whose always care for someone else,
that little girl always gives her fullest attention, love and care to everyone who turned to her.
that little girl is someone who dont mind being lonely or being pushed aside by people she once loved and cared.

But for that little girl,
inside her lies a lingering sadness,
inside her, she felt that she should be cared for too.
she also needs attention, love and care from people who turned to her.
she is lonely when she is being pushed aside by people she once loved and cared.
she wants to say it all out.
she wants to tell everyone how she felt.
but at the end of the day,
is it worth it?

all she could do is to be quiet,
felt pity to herself,
vowing not to make the same mistakes,
but at the end, repeatedly hurt herself.
this little girl only need one thing.
to be treated the same like how she has treated everyone.
she is not a pillow, she is not a piece of cloth, she definitely does not deserve to be treated like one,
and all this is because,
she is only a human.

if and only if you could just be her for one day.
Jenny~