Empty

This is something that I grabbed from Instagram,

I followed one of this page which is "powerofspeech",

and the stuffs they write there gives me daily doses of good vibes..

Everything written there just reflects to how I felt,

and eventually boost up myself and my day..

And therefore, I shall share one of my favourite post from its page!

Do follow powerofspeech in Instagram to get your daily doses of good advices ya!

Empty.

It's normal to go through moments where you feel like something is missing in your life or within you.

There's a feeling of emptiness, and you may not be able to express what it is. 

You may conclude that you will only find happiness when this void is filled.

When people experience this feeling, they may chase all sorts of external things to ease this discomfort.

They can feel a temporary sense of fullness but ultimately the emptiness linger or returns.

People can have so much in their life but still feel a sense of lacking. 

On the other hand, people may feel like they are missing a lot and that only when they attain what they want will they truly be happy.

A feeling of inner emptiness is a result of something much deeper than that.

It's a reflection of an inability to embrace to love that surrounds us - the love and light of our God.

The world was created with and is sustained with love. We wake up each day and are given a renewal of life with love.

When we lack of this awareness and are unable to tap into this love, we feel a deep cavity in our souls. That is the feeling of emptiness.

So how do we improve our ability to absorb the love that is everywhere?

By choosing to open ourselves to love.

We often close our hearts by trying to avoid our feelings altogether, mainly our pain.

It's okay to feel pain as long as we learn how to deal with it in a productive way.

Throwing away our pain will not fit the void but make it larger.

Your emotions are valid and should be experienced.

We have to learn to love ourselves a little more each day, have compassion for our weaknesses, and honor the positive steps we take to change.

Feeling empty is a reminder that we have neglected our truest selves.

When we truly love ourselves, we are able to grow more, give love to others, as well as receive love in return.

Perhaps human beings are somewhat like donuts. 

Perhaps there is often some sort of "hole", an ache of something is missing within us. But if we embrace the love around us and allow it to flow within us, we can fill that space more and more. #powerofspeech

And I shall end this post with a quote by Robert Frost, "The only way out is through."

Jenny~

Mistaken

I remembered back in campus,
when people question me,
"Moi. Cina kah? Mixed kah u? Campur apa?"
The normal questions received.
"Aiyo, I thought you were mixed / Sino Dusun. Dont look like Chinese leh.."
Normal responses received. Sigh.
At that time, I thought maybe because the people around me does look a lot like Chinese but aren't Chinese.
Dont get me wrong,
I am not being racist here or whatsoever,
but it is funny when people thought I am a mixed when I am actually pure Chinese.
I guess its my eyes or my fair aka pale complexion..

When I moved back to Miri for work, I thought it has ended.
Nope.
An uncle talked BM to me just now, and when I replied in Mandarin,
His shocking appearance still makes me feel funny.
His reply?
"I thought you were a Kayan! You are too fair to be a Chinese."
My reaction?
"hahahaha..."
What do you expect me to respond? -_-"'

And therefore, now I wonder.
What do those men or guys out there perceive me as?
As a Chinese or mixed or non-Chinese?
But whatsoever it is, I just wish people don get mistaken with my identity.
I am and will be a pure and not mixed.
Again, not being racist but I do get mixed feelings when people kept mistaken my identity.
Try putting yourselves in my shoes and walk with it.
You might feel funny but as time goes by, it would feel different.

Jenny~

letting go

It is almost the end of Raya holidays!
And it was fun visiting houses from houses, 
and of course, the food and kuih were delicious!

But, holidays still end,
and it is working day tomorrow..
And I have been having some issues with myself..
In terms of physically and mentally..
And thus, I have come to a decision.
It is time to let go.
Let go of all the toxic food, people and memories,
that unknowingly has been killing me inside out.

I dont want to regret at the age of 30 for my health,
therefore, I strive to eat healthily now.
Been preparing vegetables for my dinner and keeping hydrated is my main goal!
Replacing sweets with fruits, and reducing intakes of junk food.
I guess it's enough of binge eating.
It's now back to controlling myself and my diet.
Exercise is also another huge step,
but let's do this slowly!
For my confidence as well as for my health.
And of course, indulgence weekend will still on,
No point of starving myself from the food I loved, right?
But the key point here is, reduce, reduce, reduce!

Toxic people.
I thought I have let go enough,
But like what one of Taylor Swift's song said,
Just because you're clean, doesn't mean you dont miss it.
I just realised the impact was far greater than I thought,
and it is affecting my life and feelings these days.
And because of that, I now strive to feel healthy feelings.
Been preparing myself to go out and meet people,
Replacing old memories with new ones, and reducing time to think about the past.
I guess it's enough of looking backwards at times.
Seeing you perfectly happy with your choice does ache me,
But I shouldn't..
We were, after all, belong to different train carriages.
You found your partner, and it's my time to find mine who would accompany me for hot chocolates throughout the journey.
I can't guarantee it, but for the meantime, I will love myself like you never did.
For my own happiness as well as for my future partner's happiness.
Key point here is, keep moving forward. What was left behind should stay behind.

This should be done in the early of the year.
But I guess it is not too late to realise,
realise that I wasnt strong after all.
And it is time to pick myself up and start anew.
Never too late to make a change.
And never too late to make myself happier each day.
Let's do this.

Jenny~

Repeat after me!

Repeat after me!
You can do it!
You have the best life ever and your job is leading you up higher!
You will have the best relationship and a guy who will loves you more than you do!
You are beautiful in your own ways!
And now, repeat this chant every day when you wake up!

This post might sound super random,
But, I came across with a book that I have read months ago..
It says that things happen because of our thoughts..
Let me put this in a simple way.
When we think that ice-cream is yummy, it will be yummy.
When we think that ice-cream is disgusting, it will be disgusting.
Basically, it is how we think about the things happening in our lives, and it will turn out just like how we think of..

In career,
When we look at our job as something depressing and difficult,
nothing will be easy..
But if we look at the bright side whereby we enjoy doing the things that we are doing, we will feel brighter and the days would pass by quickly..
A simple example, when a lecturer we love entered for lectures, time passes so fast! But when the lecturer that we dislike entered, the clock just wouldnt tick to the next minute!

In life,
If we think that we are losers and never can get to things right, then nothing is right..
But if we are confident with what we are doing and able to list out the pros and cons, then our life would be meaningful..
Life would be planned out well and eventually, we could answer people when they ask what are we doing with our lives..
A simple example? When we think that we are going to slip when going up the stage, we will slip.. But if we think positive and be confident, things will be smooth! 

And last but not least,
relationship.
I have always been telling myself,
that no guys want me coz I am loud, not skinny and pretty, doesnt have those attracting smiles, doesnt talk softly like other girls, isnt the lemah-lembut type, isnt attractive and many more..
And because of that, I lack off confidence in meeting guys..
My mindset is, no guys want you. No guys look at you. You are just any of the guys' types..
And because of that as well as after my break up case, I start to treat all the guys in the world like jerks. Waiting for them to make a mistake and then, telling myself off with the famous phrase, "I told you so.."
But at the end of the day, I felt lonely.
I feel like I need someone too but no one is there.

And thus, I am changing my perceptions from today.
I am not perfect but I have my own attractions.
I have my own strength and someone out there would be able to see them as well as embrace my weaknesses.
I know there is someone out there who could accept my flaws like how I can accept his flaws.
I know there is someone out there who could complete me like a missing jigsaw puzzle.
All I need to do is believe and plant these positive mindsets everyday, (not forgetting to go out and meet ppl. P.S. I dont trust social medias =))

And therefore, yes.
I am a miracle worker in my career.
I can create my own miracles in my life.
And there is someone out there who can work out miracles together with me.
Just believe and be positive.
You can do it!

Jenny~

July.

Hello July!
May this month be a good one!

And hello readers,
Haven't really been updating as I couldn't find the time and the topic to talk about..
Well, let's update!
Life,
Life is pretty good nowadays..
I got my own car and am still getting used to driving the roads in Miri,
And I hope that I am able to get used to it fast and able to go to places alone..
Other than that, life is pretty good. =)

Career,
Career is pretty hectic,
One of my innovation project was submitted by my school for a competition,
and thus,workloads as well as implementation must be done well,
I mean its my first time joining things like this as  teacher, 
and I do hope for success..
Other than that, it is merely hectic.
With observations and coaching for school competitions.
But opportunities kept coming my way,
especially business ones.
But will be talking on that after I got involved with it first.
Teehee.

Friendship,
Friendship is meh..
Accidentally met a long-lost old friend of mine,
and the feelings of not being remembered especially what you and him been through is a little disappointing..
But I guess, that's life.
Some people remembers you, some dont.
So why be sad about those who dont?
I am still the nice girl whose here for everyone.
But am not the dumb girl who listens to each and every complains u have about ur life, relationship and whatsoever.
I have my own filter.

Love,
Love life is empty.
Nothing.
Zero.
But I am happy.
Happy seeing my friends out on their dates.
Happy seeing them with their loved ones.
Happy to be invited to their weddings.
Happy for them.
Do I wish the same to happen on me?
Yes. One day. =)

Anyways, that's all..
Nothing much to be updated though..
May things go well in July! 

Jenny~