Today

Today, she was sitting at her seat as usual.
Doing her own favourite things,
when suddenly she saw a little girl.
The little girl was crying when her friends were teasing her of how bad she plays the game.
At that moment.
Something struck her.

Somehow she felt as if she was looking at herself.
As if it was a mirror.
Reflecting herself in the past.
How vulnerable was she to criticisms.
How desperate was she for the limelight.
How struggling was she trying to be recognized.
How painful it is for her to reveal her strengths and then pushed down to the second place.
And how heartbreaking it is when she once imagined how beautiful are people, and now they became some sort of monsters waiting to just gobble her up.

Everyone thinks its fun to joke around and tease people at their weakest point.
But do they know how great the impact could affect the little girl?
How does all those let-downs and pushed-aside will create the little girl into?
All she could do at her seat is to hope,
Hope that the little girl will get up on her feet.
Show the world what she got.
Make those who once looked down on her to be under their knees.
Make those who pushed her aside to regret on their decisions.
And make those who left her once, to continue look upon her and yet could never touch her.
And never.
Never.
Show her weakest point to anyone ever again.

And she told herself.
No one can see her at her weakest moments.
And no one is allowed to make her feel that way anymore.
No one ever again.
Jenny~

She wonders.

Going through all the greens,
Watching the different people walking pass her,
Going through the different views from her windows,
Watching how the things around her changes,
makes her wonder.

Meeting with people whom she had not met for such a long time.
Talking and sharing about the past experiences that seems so yesterday.
Laughing at the most wonderful and stupid memories.
And missing the wonderful moments that she wished to re-live it again.
It really makes her wonder.

But after everyone left, and she continued her journey.
She took out her well kept diary,
and started writing what she wonders.
She wonders how grown up is she.
She wonders how much she had changed.
She wonders how much the people around her change.
And most important, how much her perspectives and her point of views have changed..

But after all, this journey taught her a lot..
And she is still learning from this journey.
And the smile from her while looking out her window is something that she is proud of.
Despite being alone in the journey, she is still smiling.
What she really feels inside, only she knows.
But what I know, she is still sitting in that carriage with her favourite cup of hot chocolates and books, smiling and awaiting for another person to talk to.

Jenny~

So, I took a test.

So, I took a test.
An online personality test.
Well, to those who really really knows me,
I am both a game addict as well as a quiz addict..
I love knowing more about myself,
Knowing why I act in such ways,
Knowing how I would act in different situations.
It's fun exploring own mysteries before exploring other people's mysteries.

So I took the widely famous test which is a personality test constructed by Jung and Briggs Myer..
You can easily find the test online and try it out yourself!
I stumbled on to it and decided to give it a try,
and I am official a Miss EFNJ.
(... excuse me?)
It's gonna be super long if I am gonna post the whole report in my blog.
So, you can just type it out and wa-laaaaa, there is my personality right there..
But the one that caught my attention in which I would really want everyone to know is this:

My strengths:
1. Tolerant.
2. Reliable
3. Charismatic (meh....)
4. Altruistic
5. Natural leaders (right ... )
6. Super faithful in relationships.
7. Gives all in a relationship (I am actually promoting myself here.. hahahaha...)

Weaknesses:
1. Overly idealistic
2. Too Selfless
3. Too Sensitive (ooopppssss)
4. Fluctuating self esteem (yeap.)
5. Struggle to make tough decisions (marry or not marry? hahahahaha...)
6. Tends to over-give in a relationship and forgot to practice taking
7. Tends to avoid conflicts and actually either let it to simmer down or avoid it (which is not healthy. #takingnote)

Conclusion: I am a physically and mentally healthy person with lots of imperfections to be fixed. And I am a person who needs the missing piece to complete me as well as completing him. Hope this helps all you awesome readers know something about me though! =D

Jenny~

The journey.

While sitting with her cup of coffee,
and with her favourite book,
people thought she was pre-occupied with the things around her.
People see her as someone who should not be disturbed.
People thinks she is strong.
And some people wonders,
isn't she lonely?
Sitting all alone at the carriage for a while,
not having someone to talk to,
not having someone to laugh about,
and not having someone to share.


But do you know what is she feeling?
A cup of coffee will turn cold.
A favourite book will eventually reach the final chapter.
She isn't occupied, she looks like she is.
She isn't strong, she looks like one.
She isn't lonely, she is alone.
Sitting all alone at the carriage for a while,
unable to talk to anyone,
unable to laugh with someone,
and unable to share what she wish to.
How does that feels?

People comes and walked pass her carriage.
She could only stare.
Why don't she get up from her carriage and walk around?
She couldn't. 
She was afraid at the end of the whole train carriage, she has to walk back all alone to her place.
Will one day someone come to her carriage and offer a "Hi?"
I don't know.
Will she reach her destination alone or with someone permanent or someone temporary?
She wishes to know.
I wish to know as well.

Jenny~

Serenade

Today was a normal day.
I entered classes and did my favourite job which is teaching..
And today's lesson was a poem entitled "Serenade."
So, kids asked me what is a serenade?
So I told them that its a piece of music or song sung by a man to his lover (which usually occurs in drama or in Romeo and Juliet's novels)..
And I accidentally said that,
I dislike serenade as it only happens in fairytales or dramas..
And a kids asked me,
"Then, teacher.. How will you ever get married?"

And I was left speechless.
A kid asked me that question.
O.M.G.
I remembered replying her the only answer that crosses my mind.
"If a man wants to marry me, he should know what to do to get me."
And then, I asked myself.
What do I want exactly?
The answer?
I have no idea at all.

As time goes by, I started to forget.
As time goes by, I started to feel cold.
Yes. People do drop by at my seats and chit-chat with me.
But, I started to treat them with coldness,
and always preoccupied with my tea and books.
Don't blame me,
I can't risk feeling it with someone that doesn't show his tickets to the terminal I am heading to.
And the only way of not being able to feel it?
Conceal. Don't feel.

Jenny~

Almost.

Something from #powerofspeech!
Sharing the second post of the month from this really inspiring page!
Do follow em ya~

"Almost. It's so important to embrace that word. 
We can have a destructive relationship with it.
 Almost made it. 
Almost in love. 
Almost married. 
Almost love myself. 
Almost. 

We grow to have such a dislike for it. 
We grow to fear it. 
We begin to believe in a destination...and forget that there really isn't one.

We are always in the almost.
 Let that resonate.
 Embrace that. 
We never actually just arrive. 
Not if we're doing life the right way. 
We're always growing. 
Always changing. 
Always challenging. 
Sure, we may find ourselves in love... or landing the perfect job...but it never ends just there. 
Because there's always going to be *almost* something more. 
When we can step back and accept that space, our relationship with the process gets better. 

Almost doesn't have to be so devastating. 
Instead, almost becomes inspiring. 
It's our calling. 
It's what gets us closer to living our fullest lives...lives made up of almosts that have become a reality...and beautiful almosts that lead us until our last day..

So feel it everywhere.
Love it everywhere.
Let it always inspire you.
Soon is always around the corner if you just let it be..

Note to myself and everyone reading this,
Don't regret at your almost.
Anticipate your soon.
Jenny~

Like seriously.

Like seriously, 
stop asking me whether feeling alone makes me sad or not!
Who isn't sad being all alone?
I mean it's definitely a bonus question right?
And you guys should know the answer already..
So why ask?

I don't get people sometimes,
Yes, I am all alone.
And yes, I feel sad being alone.
But that doesn't mean I should stop smiling and living right?
And that does NOT mean I should go out there and be desperate to find someone or anyone to accompany me just because I am alone right?
That is for those who wanted one night stands, and I am certainly not into those stuffs!

So, please.
Single doesn't mean alone.
Alone doesn't mean sad all times.
Lonely doesn't mean I must go out and find a guy.
Single also doesn't mean I am desperate for someone right now.
Alone also doesn't mean that I am pitiful and need a big group of friends to accompany me 24/7.
And lonely doesn't mean I am weak.

So, seriously, stop asking me questions like that.
If you are a friend, then you should make me feel better instead of making me feel bad about my status.
I am not proud being single, but I certainly not gonna rush into a relationship because I am alone.
So.
Stop.
Asking.

Jenny~