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I remembered when I was back in IPG, I am a drama and movie addict.
Every weekend, I would be strolling outside my friends' room,
and asking for their hard disks and browse through any movies or dramas,
and just simply take from them.
One of the series that was my favourite was HIMYM,
or popularly known as "How I Met Your Mother".

I am pretty sure this series is a blast to everyone,
and I love all the characters in it,
Marshall, Lily, Ted, Robin and Barney.
But I remembered that I stopped watching it when Running Man was hot.
And now, I am finally back to the series again,
and just done with season 7 which I watched halfway years ago.

Watching this series in this age,
makes me think a lot.
All the messages, situations that all the characters are in especially between Ted, Robin and Barney,
made me think a lot about myself.
All the love messages,
and how Ted would always talk about destiny and love,
and how Robin is always there,
makes me think twice about relationship.

I remembered I wanted to be in a relationship like always,
even after the break up,
I still wanted to be in a relationship even though I was afraid of it.
But once I set my eyes on it, I went deep for it,
and eventually, I got hurt.
The main reason why I wanted to be in a relationship so badly,
or wanted a status as a girlfriend,
or having thoughts of getting married and being a wife early,
is because I wanted to cling onto something.
But I forgot the setbacks of clinging to something,
which is the overthinking, suffocation and eventually the hurting process.

But after the talk,
after doing self reflection,
after talking to people around me,
and after making some changes,
I start to feel that things is getting better.
and it will be much more better.

Jenny.

Wedding.

Last night was the most wonderful, amazing and memorable night not to be forgotten.
Last night was my best friend / roommate's wedding reception,
and to be able to see her with the man of her life walking down the hall,
I couldn't stop smiling,
and felt so overwhelmed with her aura of happiness.

To be able to there to witness such a wonderful night,
to be able to meet up with my ex-classmates whom have turned gorgeous as usual,
to be able to laugh and catch up about almost everything,
and to be able to be there with a friend who helped me to taste all the food,
and finished up my portion since I couldn't have seafood,
is indeed a blessing.

To my roommate / best friend,
I do not know if you would read this,
but I just want you to know that,
finally, you have achieved what we have been talking endlessly during our IPG life.
To be able to witness the happiest moment of your life is a wish that comes true for me.
Finally, I am able to say this to you,
you have indeed found your rightful half.
and I wish I would be able to find mine too soon.
Love you always, my soul sister.

Jenny~

Unplanned.

Last night was a memorable night.
Last night reminded me of how random and crazy I was when I was still in IPG.
I still remember when I was in IPG,
and weekends hit up, my best friend and I would do these unplanned events.
We would just go and buy a ticket to KK,
and off we go.
Off to go shopping and just go have fun.

And last night, was also something like that.
Going off on an adventure to another place just to watch a movie,
was something that I seriously imagined in my head,
but not doing it in real life.
And last night, I did it.
Going for a ride to neighbouring country to watch a movie,
was fun and thrilling at one time.

But am lucky to have a friend like him,
who was as crazy and random as myself,
it feels like having my best friend next to me,
doing all these quirky and random things,
and just have fun.
It has been a while that I don't feel so excited,
and happy like last night.

I wish it would happen again,
and I wish that these unplanned good things will keep occuring,
nevertheless with whom it is with.
Because I miss myself laughing,
smiling and feeling excited.

Jenny~

Back to normal

She is now back to square one.

After going through so much,

after fighting with tears,

and pain from overthinking,

as well as self doubts,

she is finally free from that.

She finally sees for herself,

how things was supposed to be at the end of the day.

No matter how she wants to try to conceal the truth,

it is already out there.

And it is time for her to accept and embrace the changes that come.

It was not easy,

to feel cold when she felt warmth,

to feel unwanted when she was once wanted,

to feel ignored when she was paid with attention,

to feel normal when she felt special once upon a time,

and to feel a familiar presence,

which now slowly felt unfamiliar.

She knew from the start,

that this is something that has no good ending,

but what to do?

She fell for it, and then fell deeper,

and received the otherwise.

She thought she was back to normal,

but the truth is she wasn't.

No matter how much she denied it,

she was still hoping.

Hoping that he will turn back and search for her again,

but the truth is he isn't.

And it is time to stop shedding tears for him.

It is time to go back to square one.

Where she is used to having piles of books in front of her,

a hot cup of latte of her very own,

and embrace her own world,

without having to wait for his presence anymore.

It's time to go back loving herself,

and turn to God,

and find joy in Him.

it's time to go back to square one.

and when the train left for the next station,

she stopped looking out the window.

She knows He is working wonders for her,

and she waits patiently.

Jenny~

Smile.

Seeing myself talking endlessly,
Seeing myself filled with smiles,
Seeing myself laughing all the way,
Seeing myself sharing the same funny things,
seeing myself enjoying the company without thinking of the next thing,
Seeing myself talking about other things aside from relationships,
makes me smile.

I guess there is indeed a silver linings behind all those dark clouds.
And may these things stay the same like how it has now turned into.

Jenny~