Monday, May 1, 2017

Lesson of the day

I remembered how I always wondered why do my parents always ask me not to talk too much,
especially when it is about relationship or things that are unconfirmed.
And eventually, I learnt a lesson about it.

A friend joked with me about something quite big,
and though, I knew it was actually a joke,
the overthinking side of me got the best of me.
And eventually, from a simple joke, I went ahead and overthink about it.
Got myself carried away with my own emotions,
and the big mouth of mine couldn't control,
but shared it with the closest people around me.
Received dozens of advices,
but I was still adamant that this might be just a joke,
and that, eventually, truth will prevails.

And it did.
It was a joke.
And the consequences of overthinking and eventually sharing it with the closest people around me?
Is by getting hates and dislikes,
when the person who should be blamed was me.
I bet you will scold me as well when you are reading this.
You will say, there she goes again, defending the guilty and blaming herself for everything.
But if you are in my place,
who would you really blame at the first place?
Him who cracked the joke,
or me who took it too seriously and eventually making a big fuss about it without checking properly?

I felt bad,
not only to my close friends but also to him.
Overthinking indeed kills,
it does not kill only our souls and minds,
but it also kills possible friendships and relationships.
I know I couldn't control myself when I am faced with difficult situations.
I know I couldn't stop sharing when I am depressed or feeling difficult.
But all I need, is assurance that things are going to get better at the end of the day.
All I need is your support beside me no matter what times I am going through.
And all I need is your presence telling me that, hey, if you are getting into shits, I will still pull you out.
And not by telling me to just pack my stuffs and go.

I would go when it's time to go.
I might hurt myself over and over again,
but I will go when it's time.
How I wish people would know how difficult it is to just leave.
How I wish people would take my heart and feel what I feel at times.
Therefore, I learnt my lesson.
To be always in silence.



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