Loneliness

When I was in my younger age,

I always thought loneliness refers to not having boyfriend/girlfriend.

The word "loneliness" was always related to being single,

where you obviously have no one to talk to, to share stuffs with,

someone who would be there for you during your ups and downs.

I thought that being single like me is what loneliness means.

But I was wrong.

At the current moment, I am still single and have yet to meet any suitable suitors to imagine myself to be married to.

But almost all my friends are already married or having kids,

and at times, I do envy them but at the same time, feeling relieved that I am not yet like them.

My best friend, who is now a new mom and is into the marriage for almost 3 years,

shared her feelings of being married,

in which she tried to tell her husband about her feelings and what is going through,

to receive a response, "what do you want me to do then?"

I was shocked.

As a husband, your most beloved person is trying to tell you her frustrations,

sharing her problems in exchange of some comfort words from you,

and getting such a response is a no-no.

I was sad for her, to be honest.

But I kept quiet and told her that I am angry for her sake. 

This is not how things should go in a marriage.

You should not come back home and tell someone whom you married for love that you are too tired to hear her troubles,

that you are having a difficult time yourself to manage and having to hear your other half's problems are causing you a headache.

That is what the worst type of loneliness occur to someone.

Someone who was supposed to be held on by their other half, but left hanging on her own while troubled by all kinds of new burdens at home and at work.

And I reflected on myself.

The loneliness that I went through and is still going on is nothing if compared to those who are experiencing loneliness in a relationship and in a marriage.

Not having someone to share my ups and downs doesn't seem so bad if compared to those who are being denied to be listened to.

Not having someone to feel the kind of warmth or love doesn't seem so bad if compared to those who are not experiencing love and warmth despite having their other halves beside them.

Being single and lonely seems to be better than being with someone and yet, lonely.

To those who are experiencing such loneliness,

you are not alone.

Somewhere, someone is experiencing the same thing,

and there will always be someone like me who understands.

and no matter if I know you or not,

I am here for you.

Jenny~