Frustrated

 Day by day,

I asked myself if it's really worth it to be as workaholic as I used to be.

I used to be someone who is ever ready to do what is instructed even though it isn't my work,

I was always ready to help out and assist,

I was always ready to take orders and force myself to work for long hours at school as well as home.

But now,

it felt different.

It felt frustrating when I am keen to complete the job,

and yet people above me is not.

It felt frustrating when I am all out to complete the job,

but the person above me is holding out and yet giving pressure on me,

expecting a great job done but not giving the essential information.

It felt frustrating when jobs that were not supposed to be done by me,

and yet, I have to be the one to assist works that are unrelated to my field,

and completely out of my expertise.

Once completed, I have to be the one to be submitting it as if it's my job,

as if it's my work,

as if it's my assignment,

when it is not.

I pity those who were forced to sit together and do the work,

when it is literally not our work.

Not even hearing the word thank you coming from him,

and yet, dare to tell me that if I am giving him a hard time, he will do the same to me,

when this is supposed to be his work.

It breaks my heart when this happened today.

I was always being respectful and always being helpful,

I guess it finally backfired in my face.

Wish I was not proactive and so busybody, asking for jobs.

Now, unrelated jobs are given to me just for the sake of completing it,

and they take the credits for it.

Damn.

Jenny

09.05.2021

 3rd month of being together makes me feel happier day by day.

Thank you for being at my side during my emo seasons,

and also during those random moments.

Though there were times that I always said the wrong thing at the wrong timing,

I'm glad that we talked it out and eventually knowing more about one another through the process.

Thank you for being such a caring person,

someone who I wouldn't be shy to ask for help and assistance,

someone who would always be at my side at all times,

and someone who gives me unlimited attention and making sure that I always feel accompanied.

Thank you for letting me into your life and your family too.

All these things that you have done for me make me happier and feel more loved day by day.

To more fun and better days ahead,

and to more lovely and funny moments to create with you!

Jenny~

May

 1st of May.

Thank God for such a wonderful month of April.

A month that I felt truly blessed with all the wonderful things happening to me despite the current pandemic.

Thankful and grateful for being able to see my kids in April though only for a short moment before school was closed again,

Thankful and grateful for the endless surprises for my birthday,

for all the well wishes, cakes, flower bouquets, cash bouquet, and of course, lovely presents from my partner,

it was something that I did not expect or anticipate at all especially during this pandemic season,

and I was touched beyond words for all the lovely things that were given to me on this special month.

Thankful and grateful that I received my certificate on my Masters right before the month ends too!

I am now officially a holder of Masters in Education (TESL),

after spending 2 years of working my ass off and turning myself into a workaholic,

after shedding tears and sweat during the past 2 years during my studies,

and also after countless times of wanting to just give up halfway and to enjoy my holidays instead of going to classes,

I am thankful that I persevered through alone and eventually, rewarded for all the sacrifices that I have done.

Despite unable to wear the graduation robe and attending the convocation due to the pandemic,

I am still grateful that I have finally ended this journey,

and now, finally some time to rest and recharge with my partner instead of being alone again.

Everything happens at the right timing.

Thank God I let it all happen in its natural course instead of pushing it through like how I used to do.

Thank God for everything.

To a better times in the upcoming months,

and to more fun-filled and happy events in the upcoming months,

may all good things happen in May and the next following months,

and may the pandemic starts to ease down instead of raging one.

Jenny~