why?

why do i dream of u in a saddening situations?
why do i feel down after dreamin of u?
why do i keep remembering u when i wanna forget u?
why do u wanna be nice to me at da first place knowin u will leave me soon?
why do u wanna leave?
why do u wanna make me hate u?
and why..
why do i feel happy when ur happy?

im not in love wit u nor do ihav any secret crush on u... so why could u misunderstood me and think like that... if u say that u dont care what ppl say, so why do u left? i dont understand nor do i wanna know more about it.. coz it seems like knowing too much will make me hurt once more... i juz wanna be frens and yet u pushed me off da cliffs... thanx for showin da sweet side of u and da evil side of u.. u taught me to love as a friend and hate as a friend...

-i've stop holdin on-
Jenny~

memorable nights...

finally, da nite was over.. my dream of becomin cinderella had came true and yes, i love da way i look that nite... i feel like a princess but it does not stay that way forever.. as da clock reaches 12 midnight, i went back being an unrecognizable girl... but i guess that's da way things shud stay... overall, da nite was great wit lotsa shows but i was a bit sad because i was reli good that nite though compliments were everywhere.. i juz felt like i wasnt good that nite but thanx to someone who made me fell much better though da way was not like it should be...

~i cant be pretty forever~
Jenny~

nevous!

me last year~~

i am super nervous! da festival is coming soon and yeah, im da MC again.. which is something that i wanted like since last year though i became once d.. haha.. i mean, i love da attention given by people especially when they reli listen to u and pay attention to what ur saying... so yeah, becomin mc is something that i love like a lot...

but then becoming mc also means double stress as in preparing the text, making sure evrythin is goin on smoothly and da most important is that ur able to make the atmosphere livelier.. so yeah, im stressed and nervous... but yeah, i cant wait to to be pretty again that nite since that's da only chance where i can be as pretty as a cinderella... haha.... and when the clock struck 12am, im back to da old and normal Jenny again...

nevertheless, this actually build up my confidence as well as showing ppl that though im a Chinese and that i am a TESLian, i can speak BM vry well... so yeah, juz dont underestimate me... haha... hope that evrythin is gonna be alright since my another partnet wont be wit me for the whole full rehearsals... am so nervous... cant wait for da nite and i so hope my family are here to watch me perform... (^.^)

-being pretty is my favourite-
Jenny~

funny~

these few days of life has make me stop and wonder, what's wrong wit me? i keep smiling and da weird thing, certain words or actions made and said juz make me feel sweet... haha... but da sad thing is it seems like its impossible... haha...

i mean this guy juz make feel angry, and da most important is, he makes me almost insane... i mean he's like always makin fun and then da words used by him juz make feel like im gonna explode... but then in da midst of all this, i juz feel happy that at least he makes me laugh and smile a lot.. a feeling that i havent felt for such a long time...

but i would like to insist here that im not in love or anything... i juz felt like thrs someone i can find when im upset... juz a temporary place... which can disappear anytime in life... and that's da main reason im not putting any hopes in this matter... it simply will hurt when time comes to leave..

-dont leave when u decide to stay`
Jenny~

reflection of da day 2..

i once thought we will move on together...
but now i realised that we're different from one another...
and we're losing one another now...
its not our fault..
but it seems that now we dont think and do da same thing...

we laughed so much,
endured so many things together,
thinking we will stick together till da end,
but eventually we're breaking up..
and this is da thing that worried me...
da only thing that i hope in u guys,
is stop hurting one another and find ways to solve it...
bcoz i feel like its a waste to let this go...

-its easy to make friends but to keep it is difficult-
Jenny~

life

life is given by God an can only be taken away from God... so why bother going thru all the pains and suffering trying to end ur life... why cant we think how difficult were our mothers trying to give birth to us and nearly lost their life in order to bring us to this world? and yet, when you meet some small problems, the oni thing u have in mind is dying... cant they actually sit properly and think? i am saddened with all the news and articles that i read about teens nowadays ending their life due to depression and all those stuffs... and sorry to say, but i hardly could give them my respect... if they have been strong and lived their life out of the stress and depression, they could have seen how beautiful life is given by God....

appreciate life while we're still at it... death can only be determined by God and thus we should live well and happily... and make use of our time in this world like thrs no tomorrow.... and most important, to increase our faith in our respective religion like what im tryin to do now... so many temptations and yet i am so weak.. thus, pray for me and for evryone in this world, that we can be strong and face all da challenges in da world... =)

=why wanna take away ur own life when u noe it will hurt u and those who love u?~
Jenny~

still waiting~

i am still waiting...
waiting to be found...
waiting to be received...
waiting to be inspired....
waiting to be appreciated...
waiting to be loved...

but im worried...
will all these waiting be worth it?

~patience has its limit~
Jenny~

valentine's day

valentine's day is coming soon... i still remember how excited i got when its valentine's day, wishing that someone will give u gifts, chocolates, flowers and all those things u can think of... but right now, im not reli that excited about valentine's day... its not bcoz im single and do not hav anyone to celebrate it wit.. but its bcoz everyday is a valentine's day.. coz i celebrate everyday of my life wit love to my friends and family.. and i think that is much more important than lavishing urself wit gifts...

anywayz, happy valentine's day to those who have couples.. may u and ur loved one stay together happily owes.. for those whose single like me, believe in urself and God that one day u might be able to meet da person who have been destined for u... nevertheless, enjoy valentine's day wit all the people u love..

~love is for everyone~
Jenny

reflection~

when i was 5, all i could think of is having fun and doesnt know what is the real world outside...

when i was 10, i started to beautiful ladies and wishing to be like one of them...

when i was 15, i started to become curious with love and wanna try it since everyone seems like happy with falling in love...

when i was 18, i think being in a relationship is a muct but a time and feeling consuming process... not everyone will end in a happy ending... and not every relationship will end with marriage...

process of growing up is fun and interesting since from growing up, i learn so much things and experienced so much... i finally realised that no matter how u wish to be in love or having a boyfriend, sometimes things juz wont work tat way...

somehow, i forgot da feeling of havin a crush or worse, fallin in love... and i gave up on chances to feel it again..

love comes and go... when it comes, keep it.. when it goes, leave it..
Jenny~

happy n sad~

im happy bcoz:
1. i had potoshoot last nite wit my super sexy cheongsam (konon)... haha... and i love takin pica though i noe im not da prettiest out of all my friends there....

2. i bought myself a pure silver necklace wit a cross as da pendant... and da guy was super nice since he's a chinese and he gave me discount as in like from rm 59 into rm 45... so considered lucky lah...

3. thanx to someone's special fren who was willing to take us in n out during outing... will repay ur deeds... haha...

4. bought lots of stuffs and happy since it doesnt reli cost much...

5. my bank account is still good to see... bwhahaha!

then, im sad bcoz:
1. my phone broke down after i bluetooth a song into it... and this mean i gotta spend like EXTRA2X MONEY to either get a new one or fix it...

2. im super tired and i havent read my lecture notes...

3. and im super pissed off by certain ppl's attitude that thinks that the person has rights on a fren...

4. and all those things happen at once in one night, so tis morning im super not in a good mood...

(I NEED MY GOOD VIEW)!!

when ur happy, sad things will juz come rolling to u...
JEnny~

wat i think of u~

being here for a period of time teach me to know u more....
u can be fake in front of me but i can do tat and i can do better....
u can try to hide your hatred on me but i can do it much better than you....
u think i wanna steal ur fren but guess wat, ur makin her leave u bcoz of ur attitude....
u told ppl u wanna change, but guess wat ur makin urself worse....
u can steal all my frens away and i dont care....
coz ur juz showin me who u are and who they reli are....
im not angry wit u but im disappointed on u...
appreciating u is like appreciating a piece of useless metal...
u can confront me, shout at me, talk bad about me, degrade me on my behind and do anythin u wan,
but evrythin will eventually come back to u...
coz i'll juz be da normal, innocent, "sweet" girl whom no one will noe da true face...

~judge me and u'll regret~
Jenny~

updates..

leaving the blog for a week make me feel lazy to update it.. haha.. but wats da point of havin a blog if u dont update it rite... sheesh.. wat am i talkin?? haha...

ok, updates on CNY... CNY shud be fun and da best moments of da yr bcoz tat is da time u get to wear nice clothes, show off ur beauty (konon) and stuffs like tat... eat till ur full, laugh wit ur family members and spend time going house-visiting and stuffs like tat... and tat WAS WAT I SUPPOSED TO DO until i got sick...

on da new year eve, i was gettin red bumps all over my body and it itches a lot... so went to da first doc thinkin it would go in like few hours but instead became worse.... so went back hometown and evrythin was ok till da nite when evrythin seems went out of control... i was like scratchin till i feel like peeling off my skin eh... aduh!

so on da FIRST DAY of CNY, i went to da hospital and got two injections... and it wasreli scary seeing da needles and stuffs like tat... but mayb bcoz i juz wanna get well, i juz closed my eyes and let them do wat they wanna do.... even after those injections, nth seems better,.. instead it made me worse... so went again hospital on SECOND DAY of CNY and guess wat, kena tahan in wad till 11am... haiz.....

so angpao oni frm closest aunts and uncles,... food are FORBIDDEN as in any kind of food or delicacies... pretty clothes were not shown off..... and i was like sleepin like a pig after da medications... haiz... so thr goes my holidays.... POOF!

so am goin back on may which is like 4 months from now... haiz... nth to say d....

SIckness is bad~
Jenny~