Sunday, November 15, 2015


Earning your own money always comes with pros and cons,
the pros are, well, you earn money,
so it means, you are free to use ur money for whatever wants and needs you have in your mind,
you dont have to hear endless grumblings,
and basically you can get whatever you want with you hard-earned money.

The cons are, with all that money, I tend to splurge on food.
And of course, that causes me to gain weight.
Of course not tremendously, but i can see the numbers keep increasing,
and now, it is already beginning with 6.
I mean, I know I gained weight and I know I am fat already,
But i don't need people around me to keep reminding me how fat I am or how big my ass is or whatosever,
and when this statements come especially from people whose so close to me including my family members,
it hurts.

I know I am fat,
but that doesnt give u the privilege to keep reminding me about it.
I dislike it when people scroll on my pictures and start saying that I am fat or gained weight,
I dont need negative statements to make my whole day down,
and i definitely do not need you to judge me.
It is depressing when people expect me to be in this form and that form,
When people say I am fat, I tried cutting it down,
and then people say when I am thin, I dont look too nice,
And so, I gained. and then you say I am fat.
What the heck you think I am?
A balloon for you to form shapes?

No wonder there are so many anorexics people out there,
they are like me, being insecure with how we look in front of the society,
worrying that we are ugly and fat in people's including our loved ones,
and because of that, people start to binge eating or directly stop eating.
Do you really want to see me stop eating and get that "perfect" weight or body shape that you want me to have and then start criticising me again after I get that? 
I am trying my best to look the best,
but if being the best kills me, i rather not be the best.
Therefore, this serves a reminder to all those out there whose job is to judge people including me,

If how my body shape affects on how you think of me or look at me,
then please move on.
This is my body and like it or not, I am the one who could control how my body looks.
I dont need your distasteful comment in my life.



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