I change

Isn't it weird?

I once was very excited when people asked me for my number,

I always imagined how excited it would be for me to start texting this particular person,

I always asked people that I met for the first time whether they are single or not,

and I always tried to act not myself,

in order to attract their attention on me.

But now,

things changed.

I dont feel the fluttering feelings when people asked me for my number,

when I gave it out, I no longer waited around my phone,

hoping for the person to text me or me trying to figure out how to text the person first,

I no longer asked people if they are single or not, 

I no longer act cute or talk weirdly like I wasnt supposed to,

I acted like the true me.

Things changed.

I changed too.

I guess right now, I am more of leaving everything to Him.

I started to learn and understand that, 

there are things that I can never predict and control,

and those things should be left alone,

with efforts being put with care.

I dont want to feel pain,

neither do I want to feel my hopes being crushed.

I am happy with this feeling,

and I hope this numbness can prolong,

until I am ready for the 2nd round. 

xoxo

Jenny~

The other day.

Today's train was as usual,
filled with kids, couples and people that she doesn't really know.
Stopped at the terminal,
and few passengers went off,
and a few came up.

She caught a sight of a new passenger.
A tall, tanned and filled with smiles looking at her.
She smiled back and acted as if nothing happened.
The weird thing?
For that moment, she tried to find something to talk to him.
and eventually, she did though it was a casual talk.
The feeling was indeed warm, like talking to a new friend.

And when the train stopped for a short break,
he went off.
For the first time, he turned his back for her and waited.
That feeling was familiar to her.
But of course, she took little notice about it.
Well, I guess she doesnt want to get too hyped up with everything,
and eventually, got hurt.

And as he changed to the next train,
and she went back to her own journey,
she noticed,
he turned his back again,
and smiled.

And she wonders,
was there any significance?
or was it only a coincidence?

xoxo
Jenny~

Our Times

 

I rarely blogged about movies or dramas that I watched,

and if I do, it means that the drama or movie is really good.

And for today, I would like to blog about a movie that I just watched online,

"Our Times".

It is a Taiwanese drama and why it is so good?

It is about love between young students in school during the 90s,

and it was really relatable to me.

When I watched the movie for the first time, I bawled horribly.

Every scene touched my heart,

and without realising it, I was crying during the whole time.

And then, I watched the second time.

And this time, I cried at certain scenes.

Without knowing it, I realised that I could relate to the lead actor's feelings.

Every action and the words said reminds me of the past.

When the lead actor helped the actress with the bag and protected her all this while,

it reminded me of the feelings of being protected in a relationship.

When the lead actor pushes the actress to the guy she was supposed to like,

it reminded me of the feelings of being happy for the person I liked being with another person.

When the actress cried in the rain, 

the feelings were still there.

When the lead actor told the guy on how to take care of the girl he was in love with,

I bawled horribly because I know how it feels.

It wasnt easy to let go.

And the best quote in the movie was,

"I remember what you say."

It stirs up my feelings again and reminded me of the person who always remembers what I said though it seems like he doesnt care.

But the ending was good.

They ended up being together and I cried of joy.

This movie deserves 10/10,

for stirring up my feelings once again,

and of course, by making me cry endlessly.

This movie reminds me of the past, but it doesnt mean I am still stuck there.

Visiting the past is enough.

Time to carry on my currents steps.

xoxo

Jenny~

24

Last Friday, 15.04.2016 marks the new age for me.
First and foremost, thank you, Father for giving me another opportunity to continue to be in this world and allows me to continue carry out duties given to me.
I would also like to thank my mom and dad as well, for enduring the pains and obstacles of having me from baby till now.
To all my friends who remembered with or without Facebook notifcations, thank you for all the well wishes and prayers over me.
To my best friend, though it was simple but thank you for wishing me too. It meant a lot.
To my kids in schools, thank you for celebrating my birthday with surprise party and singing "Happy Birthday" songs to me the whole time. 

Being 24 means greater challenges and more things to anticipate,
My personal wishes for my birthday are:
1. for my kids to achieve the best results in their upcoming UPSR
2. for myself to achieve greater happiness in various aspects.

Thank you everyone for everything that you have done during my birthday.
Though simple, but I will cherish it.
Thank you.

xoxo
Jenny~

That boy

That boy reminds me of you.
That smiles and annoying antics reminds me of you.
The pain that he tries to conceal from everyone reminds me of me.
The way he avoided everyone reminds me deeply of you.

Seeing the boy makes me feel like seeing you in him.
Seeing the insecurity concealed with fake smiles reminds me of you.
The pain that he is trying to cover with smiles is like seeing you concealing your pain with anger.
Seeing the boy whips up the same feelings in me,
the same feelings that I once had for you,
the same feelings of rescuing him from the pit of fake happiness,
the same thing I did for you.

I don't know how are you now ever since I stopped contacting you,
I only hope you are okay out there no matter where you are,
I do miss a friend like you,
but there are words and actions that can never be undone.
I do miss the crazy conversations we had,
You are the one who pulled me out in my darkness, which I helped you out from your darkness as well.
But there are times when words and actions that you have done can never be undone.
And I do miss the warmth that you have given me as a friend,
but there are certain feelings that are forbidden.
I do regret of pushing you away,
but I am glad I did it.

That boy.
I will do the same thing that I did for you, for him.

xoxo
Jenny.

10 things I enjoy being SINGLE.

So, on a free weekend, I decided to update today's blog with something that I have never done before. And again, all these are just my own opinions and might differ from all of you out there. =) 

10 things I enjoy being single.
Disclaimer: I am not on my pre, during or post period mood swings. I am not feeling emo when writing this post.

Okay, here it goes.
Being single for quite some time have slowly opened up my eyes to the little things that I enjoyed doing alone.

1. Spending time.

I get to enjoy spending time on my own, according to my own pace. I can choose to spend it at home or out shopping or out having some desserts. And I dont have to feel guilty of it at all.

2. Eating

I get to choose what I want to eat without having to decide. I mean, I would just be in a mall and browse through the eateries there, and then decide what to have in split second. The best part? I dont have to share.

3. Shopping

Okay, I get to shop on my own a lot more. I can just head to any departments or sections without having to drag anyone with me. And one thing about me, I love to go in and out from stores without buying things. So yeah, I can do that freely and dont have to feel sorry for anyone. =P

4. Being at home

One of the best parts of being single is I get to stay in my room more often without worrying of where to go date and whether we are spending enough time or not. These are the things that I do not have to worry, and I can do more of my own things in my own time.

5. How I get dressed

So, one of my annoying habits is that I love to wear based on my mood that day. When I feel casual, T-shirts and short is something that I might just pop out with. When it's sexy mood, dresses or one of those transparent tops would be adorned on my body. The main point here is, I dont have to impress anyone with how I look. I just have to impress myself.

6. Make-up or no?

When I was in a relationship, I always try to look different and pretty for my other half. And as usual, he never notice it and instead of supporting me, he put me down. Therefore, being single gave me the chance to be myself. I am not the type that would wear tonnes of make ups every single day. In school, I am only with my red lipsticks. Even dinner, I would just put on light make-up. Why? I want to only look the prettiest to the person who have already accepted me at my ugliest point. =)

7. Granting permission.

When I was in a relationship, I got used to tellin my boyfriend where I am going and stuffs like that. But right now, being single means I dont have to tell anyone about it. I can just head out when I am bored, and I can go anywhere without having to ask anyone (except my mom n dad) for permission. F.R.E.E.D.O.M

8. Control on my own body

So, you see, I know the singles out there are trying their best to shed their weights so that they would look fabulously amazing and yeah, to attract the males or females' attention. And yes, I wanted to do so but not for the above reason. Being single for me means, I can decide whether I wanted to crash into those junk food or burn all those food into ashes. At the end of the day, if you dont love my body like how I do, the door is right there. =)

9. Career

Being a teacher is exhausting. And because I am single, I get to get my ample rest and of course, not having to care anyone else but myself is a joy. I mean, seriously, I have so much to care in school already. I guess being single too, also means i have the control over my progress especially when I want to aim high. 

10. The fights and bumps

Being in a relationship means always have to go through small fights and bumps. Being single steers me clear from those stuffs. When my friends were mentioning about the bumps and coldness that they are experiencing in their relationships, I felt lucky that I am not in one. 

So, basically, these are just my own opinions that might differ from those popular articles that you may have read in #elitedaily or #buzzfeeds. Being single is awesome and also being in a relationship too. But for now, since I am still single, I felt awesome about it. 

The next post will be on relationships where I will share my own top 10 list. Keep on reading to  my awkward, random and quirky posts. Till then.


     xoxo 
    Jenny~