I change

Isn't it weird?

I once was very excited when people asked me for my number,

I always imagined how excited it would be for me to start texting this particular person,

I always asked people that I met for the first time whether they are single or not,

and I always tried to act not myself,

in order to attract their attention on me.

But now,

things changed.

I dont feel the fluttering feelings when people asked me for my number,

when I gave it out, I no longer waited around my phone,

hoping for the person to text me or me trying to figure out how to text the person first,

I no longer asked people if they are single or not, 

I no longer act cute or talk weirdly like I wasnt supposed to,

I acted like the true me.

Things changed.

I changed too.

I guess right now, I am more of leaving everything to Him.

I started to learn and understand that, 

there are things that I can never predict and control,

and those things should be left alone,

with efforts being put with care.

I dont want to feel pain,

neither do I want to feel my hopes being crushed.

I am happy with this feeling,

and I hope this numbness can prolong,

until I am ready for the 2nd round. 

xoxo

Jenny~