Strong

Sometimes when we thought that it's over,
it isn't.
Sometimes when we thought that it's not over,
it has.
All we could do is to stay strong and not overthink.
That's what I told myself over and over again.
It isn't easy to do so but I need to in order to escape from another grip of sadness.
I know the facts and the truth, and yes, I'm still hiding behind the dreams,
but it's time to step in front and face it heads on.
So, note to myself,
it's okay to cry out loud and feel sad for a period of time,
but step out of it when the time comes and continue to be strong and move.
Beautiful things are out there, yet to be discovered.

Jenny~

End of a chapter

"A good chapter has ended for a new one to begin."

Today marks the start of the 1st sem holidays,
and it's a two weeks holidays for both us and our pupils.
But for me, it's going to be a week since I am involved with extra classes.

Today is also considered as a sad day for me,
as my first headmaster has retired.
We celebrated his retirement for two days,
and for that two days,
I could see how sad he was to leave the school,
and all teachers were also sad in the occasion.

I remembered the first day of getting posted to this school,
he was the one who greeted us with smiles.
Seeing him daily in the office,
exchanging small talks and jokes,
will be something that I am going to miss a lot.

He was a great man,
filled with ideas and inspirations to make the school a better place,
not only for the pupils but also for us, the teachers.
He was firm and yet, considerate to all of us.
It was really sad seeing him leave,
but I do believe that he has earned the good rest that he should have now.

To my wonderful headmaster,
you have done a wonderful job,
and all your deeds will be etched in our heart.
Fly Kenyalang Fly,
Fly High, SK Miri Boleh!

Jenny~

Ex.

Today, someone asked me a question.
Is it weird to still be friends with my ex?
For a moment, I went quiet.
And I thought about it.
What will the "past-me" would answer this question?

If this question was asked to me 5 or 4 years back,
I would say yes.
It is indeed weird to still be friends with your ex.
Things have ended and shouldn't you step out from that circle?
And would it be fair to your new partner if you are still in contact with your ex?
Like what Stella says,
bringing your ex into your current life is like there are unresolved things between you two,
and there might be sparks between both of you,
which is unfair to your partner.

But when this question was asked to me right now,
I went neutral.
Yes, it is indeed weird.
Weird as both of us have shared a common feelings with one another,
doing things together and those memories are still there.
So it is indeed weird when we are back to friends with someone we once loved.
But, I don't think it's also fair for me to ask a person to cut off a friend,
even though they are exes.

You can say that I'm not thinking straight,
but everyone has their own principles and choices.
If the one you love is still friends with his/her ex,
don't condemn them.
But try to understand the reason why.
If he or she chooses you,
then work hard to keep the feelings aflame,
because if he/she couldn't move on from their ex,
you wouldn't be their next choice after all.
Just a little sharing of what I think of this question.

Then people would ask me instead,
if I am in the condition, what would I do?
My answer?
If he really loves me,
the choices are in his hands.
To either continue his friendship with his ex,
or to cut it off once and for all.
As for me,
I trust that the person whom chooses me to be a part in his life,
would know what is the best thing to do.

Jenny~

She decided.

Being in the train for quite some time,
recollecting every pieces back,
looking and staring out her window every time it passes a new place,
holding her cup of latte,
and burying herself in a good book,
she slowly fell back to her old self.

The old self that was all by herself,
looking out at the station for familiar faces.
She slowly fell back to her blue feelings,
looking out at the station for familiar feelings that she hasn't felt for some time.
And she slowly fell back into her own place,
the place where she feels the most secure,
her own carriage.

She stopped waiting.
She stopped anticipating for that one familiar face whenever she stopped at a station.
She stopped feeling.
She stopped thinking of any possibilities.
She has decided.
And I guess, that's something that she has to do.
To free herself from the pool of sadness,
To free herself from overthinking of possibilities that would not happen,
and to free herself to look and set a new target.

She has set a new target,
a target far from relationship.
Because she knows she is in control of the new target,
and relationship?
It's time to take a step back and,
travelled the least taken road.

Jenny~

Little things

Little things.
When I was a little girl, I always thought that people in love should do big things to prove their love.
They should always buy their loved ones flowers,
or chocolates and teddy bear,
or buying expensive gifts,
or bring them to expensive restaurants and give them a treat,
just to show their love and caring sides.

As I grew up, I realised that it's not the big things that matter the most.
It's always the little things that warm up our hearts.
Looking back at all the things that I have done,
I realised that I smiles a lot when I thought back of all the little things that I have done,
or people have done for me.
I realised that it's all these little things that build up good memories,
and warms up our hearts to know that,
out there, there are people who love and care for us.

Don't get me wrong about the word "love" here.
I don't mean love as in a couple love, or relationship love.
I mean love in a bigger perspectives.
When my mom makes me my favourite food when I'm back for holidays,
that's love.
When my dad turns on the TV and asks me to watch a movie together with him,
that's love.
When my best friend texted me and talked about random stuffs and laughed at how stupid those topics are, that's love.
When my friend brings me out and we talked from the littlest thing to the reality of life, and randomly do stuffs,
that's love.
Even when my friend offered me his piece of food because mine was too hot to eat,
that's love.
And when God puts me into various types of situations and moments,
I know that's His love to me.
Love comes in a lot of faces and it's not always the romantic ones.
And I am extremely thankful for all the types of loves that I am experiencing.

It's these little things that matter.
Flowers, teddy bears, chocolates, expensive treats and presents,
is no longer a necessity for me.
Time, laughter, caring for one another, and most importantly, listen.
These are now my necessities for love.
And I am thankful to those around me that opened my eyes,
to see and always be grateful that,
I am indeed loved.

Jenny~

Yesterday

Yesterday was a real fine day.

Spent my afternoon with a friend that I haven't met for quite a few days,

or was it weeks?

But it was nice catching up with him again,

went off for a family movie,

and it was really nice except that there are a lot of tear-jerking moments which would be perfect if it wasn't too quiet.

And then, head of to a food carnival at the local park here.

It was several "aawws" moment since this park is so near to my place, 

and yet, it is my very first time coming here.

There were a lot of food stalls around,

but we didn't buy anything,

maybe coz we just don't really feel like queuing up and enjoying all the hypes given to those food.

So we found a spot, 

sat there and talked.

It was even amazing having to seen half of a rainbow right at the place where we sat.

We talked, talked and talked until it started to get dark.

Went off for dinner under the dark night and talked about things happening around us,

and then went off for another movie which was unplanned.

It was a great time hanging out with him.

It helps me to release my stress and tension,

and eventually, break free to become the real me.

And all the movies we watched together were really nice,

and brings me to tears at the endings.

So, it was a great Saturday,

and now, I am more that ever ready for Monday. 

thank you for the time. 

Jenny~

Lesson of the day

I remembered how I always wondered why do my parents always ask me not to talk too much,

especially when it is about relationship or things that are unconfirmed.

And eventually, I learnt a lesson about it.

A friend joked with me about something quite big,

and though, I knew it was actually a joke,

the overthinking side of me got the best of me.

And eventually, from a simple joke, I went ahead and overthink about it.

Got myself carried away with my own emotions,

and the big mouth of mine couldn't control,

but shared it with the closest people around me.

Received dozens of advices,

but I was still adamant that this might be just a joke,

and that, eventually, truth will prevails.

And it did.

It was a joke.

And the consequences of overthinking and eventually sharing it with the closest people around me?

Is by getting hates and dislikes,

when the person who should be blamed was me.

I bet you will scold me as well when you are reading this.

You will say, there she goes again, defending the guilty and blaming herself for everything.

But if you are in my place,

who would you really blame at the first place?

Him who cracked the joke,

or me who took it too seriously and eventually making a big fuss about it without checking properly?

I felt bad,

not only to my close friends but also to him.

Overthinking indeed kills,

it does not kill only our souls and minds,

but it also kills possible friendships and relationships.

I know I couldn't control myself when I am faced with difficult situations.

I know I couldn't stop sharing when I am depressed or feeling difficult.

But all I need, is assurance that things are going to get better at the end of the day.

All I need is your support beside me no matter what times I am going through.

And all I need is your presence telling me that, hey, if you are getting into shits, I will still pull you out.

And not by telling me to just pack my stuffs and go.

I would go when it's time to go.

I might hurt myself over and over again,

but I will go when it's time.

How I wish people would know how difficult it is to just leave.

How I wish people would take my heart and feel what I feel at times.

Therefore, I learnt my lesson.

To be always in silence.

Jenny~