A new perspective

Few weeks ago, I have been in contact with a man,
and we were hitting it off quite well,
until one day, I replied with an emoticon and that's it.

During those conversations, I realised that we do not have much in common.
And deep inside, I also realised that this isn't what I want after all.
I know that I am way over the fluttering kind of feelings,
but this doesn't even spark any interest from me.
I don't feel excited.
I don't feel attached to it,
and I am sorry to say that he doesn't fit in my future.

The idea of being stuck to one place,
pacing back and forth between moving or not moving,
talking about being too old to chase after dreams and going after what he really wants in life,
not caring about own well-being or at least try to eat good food,
and talking about depending on me to make it,
those are the things that actually make me reconsider,
reconsider whether or not I should go on with this conversation,
or just put a full stop to it.

I realised that at this current age, I do not wish to settle with any guys.
I want to settle with someone who already knows how to take care of himself,
I want to settle with someone who is already doing things that he wants to do,
I want to settle with someone who does his stuffs while knowing that I am here,
I want to settle with the best.

I know I have no rights to make any choice as I don't have any choices around me.
But it seems to me that my heart wants the best.
I can't imagine myself settling down with a man who doesn't know how to take care of himself,
with a man who only knows how to complain and not making any effort to improve himself,
with a man who clings on to me too much,
with a man who I couldn't imagine a future with.

I guess this is a new side of me.
I guess living alone and managing myself on my own has grew on me,
and yes, I am looking for the best.
And I hope he is still out there.

Jenny~