someone gotta do somethin like tis to win my heart... haha...

Jenny~

dedicated to u..

i never revealed my true feelings to a person whom i call, my best fren... i first knew her when i was in Form 2.. she's reli sweet and at first i thought she is not a chinese or she didnt know how to speak in chinese... quite funny though, then all kinds of conflicts happened.. and tats when i felt lonely.. reli lonely.. its like in the class, there's oni u, a stranger... and it feels bad..

when i was in form 3, she approached me and in the end, we became reli close... i always listen to her bcoz im afraid that she will leave me and hence, i'll be all lonely again... but then she taught me that i must learn to say no when its a no.. n i shud not always follow what she says... and since then, i changed and become a better fren... whenever she needed somethin, i'll try my best to provide it to her.. when she nid advices, i try to give her some good ones.. when she needed a listener, i tried to be at her side and listened to her, and comforted her.. though we went thru "silent wars" every year if im not mistaken, in the end, we were together again...

but the event that i could not erase from my mind is when she started to blame for a lot of wrongdoings tat i did... i forgot my promise, i disappoint her for breakin my promises and tat i shud never make promises if i cant fulfill it.. at tat moment, i felt devastated... i could even hear my heart breaking into pieces bcoz i never knew that i had did so many things that hurt her... i apologise but in the end i felt reli bad.. till now, it seems like i did not much to make her forgive me.. mayb she had forgotten, maybe she had not.. but now, i sincerely apologise from the bottom of my heart...

im sorry for i have been an imperfect fren to u...
im sorry for i could not accompany u when u nid a listener...
im sorry for breaking my promises to u...
im sorry for causing so many troubles and pain to u...
and most important of all....
im sorry for im unable to be a good fren to u... a good fren tat u expect me to be... and now that, u have found someone who will always stay at ur side, im relieved... im reli happy for u.. and i hope that evrythin would go well to u...

mayb u might not consider me as ur bestie anymore, but for me, ur owes the bestie whom i love and care the most in life.. hope tat u would accept my sincere apology for all the stuffs i did in the past... at least, i would feel much better..

P.S: sorry~
Jenny~

ImperFectIons~

im a human being.... meanin im full of imperfections... im not a good girl like wat all of u think me of.. i have desires and i have wants like all other girls... the difference is that i know my limits and i know wat i shud do n wat i shud not do... my parents had taught me well enough about da boundaries that i shud not and never cross which i always remind myself and is one of the most important principles in my life...

but when it comes to being me, i juz wanna be the ordinary me.. i juz wanna be like u guys, like others and not being considered as the smart girl, the hardworking girl, the nerd in class, the unpopular girl, the girl who listens to everyone, the girl who dont get mad, the girl whose always humble, the girl who listens to everyone and do what others say, the girl who looks like she nvr got hurt b4, the girl tis n tat... do u know how suffering it is of not being myself? do u noe how bad it feels for being a hypocrite? do u noe how i feels of being ignored and received the false love from everyone? do u noe how much i need attention n love from everyone who can actually see the real me? do u noe how much anger i have to bear and stand ur DAMN behavior?

im fragile.. my heart breaks easily.. i nid attention.. i wanna fight back when ppl say me tis n tat.. but i juz cant do it.. bcoz im afraid.. im afraid of not being accepted in this friendship.. im afraid to tell ppl my secrets.. im afraid to fall in love to ppl.. im afraid to giv ppl second chance... im afraid... bcoz in my life, i have been lonely and ignored.. i have lost my best fren bcoz of my fault.. n i dont even noe if i have been forgiven.. i've lost someone i like n it hurts a lot.... A LOT.... ppl say open up, how do u expect me to open up if u dont shut ur f****** mouth and listen? ppl say give 2nd chance, how do u wan me to giv 2nd chance when everythin was washed away into the drain? U TELL ME!

im sick of these things.. i juz wanna lead a normal life.. i want attention and love.. i need true frens who understand me.. i need a guy who will be at my side when i nid him.. i juz nid a fren's hug and telling me that, its ok, everythin's gonna be fine.. im owes here for u.. i nid a fren who would come to me and say, "dont worry, i will nvr leave u.. coz we're frens, BFF, best friends forever..." i juz nid those kinds of words to soothe the inner me... i dont nid gifts, money, clothes or stuffs.. i juz nid a hug... which is y i miss my old frens..

those who r owes at my side, knowin when im goin to fall and cry... knowing how to make me ok, knowing that oni thru words, im gonna be ok... i miss them a lot.. i may look ok, i may look happy go lucky, but inside, u dont know how much pain i had to bear... how tiring it is to be enclosed in a shell, unable to break it open n reveal the real me...

i juz wanna be me.. i juz wanna be the real Jenny Elizabeth Lu and not the fake one..

Jenny~

FamilY~

arent they juz lovely?

me n my sis aka tung tung.. =D

me n my mummy.. =)

~I miss all of u... wanna go back home asap without worryin of assignments, projects, exams, some idiots in life and most importantly, im able to release all my sadness there.... i wanna go to a place where i can be myself and relax without thinkin of wat ppl hav to think bout me.. i juz wanna go home~

Jenny~

miss~

i miss home...
i miss my family...
i miss my old frens...
i miss stef, lulu, fi and da gang...
i miss smiling and laughin like crazy wit my frens...
i miss da carefree life without hectic n stupid assignments...
i miss my tv..
i miss my radio...
i miss da place whr im free to walk around and feel relaxed...
i miss da songs we sang together in primary schools...
i miss speakin tagalog wit my frens...
i miss my mom's hometown wit all the fresh air...
i miss u who owes texted me...
i miss u who owes smile when u c me...
i miss how u make me smile when u smile...
and i miss those feelings....

Jenny~

MakAN~~

we had a little gathering tonite and it was awesome despite all the walking here n there... and i shud have not wore my heels.. luckily its not reli high coz my feets are like screaming for help.. and yet i have to stand it coz its not like we have cars to go here n there... but overall, i had fun eating and eating and laughing like a crazy girl... haha...

so we went and had dinner at this restaurant and its kinda cheap.. at least each of us paid RM15 like that for the food and the food are delicious... of course u cant compare it with home-cooked food but so far its da best... then after eating, i was being asked again and again if i wanna 'tambah nasi"... sheesh... all thanx to my seniors, Kenny n Hayrold.. oh well, both of them are like big bros of mine and i respect them and love them like my brothers... ahha...

then, we went and "lepak" or i shall say, waitin for da food to get digested b4 movin on to another destination for food... hahaha... so we went to another place and i had chicken wings again.. so its yummy~~ haha... and guess wat, i love eating... though i noe i might get fat or gain weight and stuffs like tat, but still eating is owes a fav part in my life... at least im able to accept my image and unlike da last time me, im too afraid to gain weight bcoz for me, skinny ppl will always be chosen,...

rite now, in my head is: if u choose me for my physical beauty, then im sorry, im not the one for u... if u choose me for my personality and trust on me that im able to love u as much as u love me, then u hav made da rite choice.... =)

P.S: pics are gonna be up soon after i get some from those who took~~

Jenny~

My FaV~

i know that this drama would be like a last time drama coz its produced in 2008, if im not mistaken.. anywayz, i actually forgot the drama d coz i din even get to watch the last episode since i have to come here and study... oh well, went back during the hols, n luckily there was this repeat airing in another channel.. so quite lucky to watch the another part which i din get to watch and yet i could not catch the final episode...

but the best thing about this drama, is that there are like a lot of touching moments and reli beautiful songs to accompany the story line.. and sometimes the story reli touched me and my heart.. maybe that's why whenever i watched this drama, tears juz rolled unexpectedly.. and these few days, i began to search for the soundtracks and yeah, got some which keep reminding me the scenes in the drama... i prefer this kind of drama.. maybe bcoz its love story is not reli a made up, filled wit fairy tales and will not happened in the reality... its love story is more to how a person nid to sacrifice for family...

and from this story, i knew that loving someone doesnt mean that we have to have him or her... sacrificing ur love for that person's safety is wat the main character did.. and it is reli sad seeing two loved ones unable to be together bcoz they loved each other too much... and im touched, reli touched.. if im in that position, i dont noe whether im able to go thru it or not... but this story had a lot of moral values instilled and it will for sure make me cry again and again...

Jenny~

Bad dreaM~

last nite, i had a dream.. i dreamt that u came to my room wit a fren of mine and i actually dont care so much about u... u came with a crystal ball and told me that it is my gift which had been kept for a period of time... i took it and stared at it in awe bcoz it was such a beautiful gift.. and yet i did not talk to u...

u gave me a rose and a letter.. and before i was able to open da letter, i woke up.. I ACTUALLY WOKE UP!!! and da same dream repeat itself when i fell into sleep again... with the same kind of message, u are trying to mend thing up with gifts and words of sorry.. but eventually i turned away and ignore you...

but all of those are juz dreams coz i noe u will nvr do it in the reality.. bcoz rite now, i dont noe u and u dont noe me anymore...

PS: i wonder if u ever dreamt of me too?

update~~

sori for not updatin like a long time... haha.. am on vacation so yeah, da blog is on vacation too... anywayz, so many things happen during da holidays... and the most shocking news i received is one of my good friends' father had juz passed away...

~To ah yew,
sori for not being able to be thr when u had to undergo so much difficulties.. i hope that u will owes be strong and move on in life.. i know losing someone who is so near to u hurts a lot but time will be the medicine... dont think too much and always stay healthy ya...

movin on, came back from hols 2 days ago and then ya, start off some routine life which is, attendin class, afternoon nap, assignments, test, exam and holidays... somehow i wanna skip all those and am lookin forward to hols... haha.. then some of my frens turned single and stuffs like that... oh well, for me, i think they made da best choice for themselves and i will surely support them...

ooo, pics up thr is juz to show da latest me... i dont noe if i did change or whatsoever but then somehow i love myself now... haha.. choose one u like da most and tell me k.. haha... anywayz, i think that's all that im able to update u guys.. haha.. if thrs anything that come across my mind, i'll put it on for sure...

Jenny~

MiRaCLE~

miracles... it happens unexpectedly and for me, i believe its given by God... somehow a sign to show u that HE still cares for u and listens to ur heart... someone like me usually dont believe in miracles because i tot it would only happen in movies or dramas.. but when it happened right in front of my eyes, i started to believe that God has owes been thr for me, listeing to my heart and watchin me.. mayb u might think its more of coincidence than miracles but for me, i believed that its more of a miracle...

try to imagine a situation whr u do not meet a person that suddenly disappear for like almost half a year when u actually meet him at church one day... and he just thr, right in front of ur eyes... and yeah, tats a miracle for me... its when i believed that God actually listened to me... he's juz thr and we looked at one another, feeling so surprised to meet one another again after such a long time...

we are starngers and yet thr is tis bond between us that i can hardly explain... but im not in love... im juz happy tat he's thr... im juz happy that re-appear in my life again and givin me a reason to smile when i think of him again... and most important, he actually let me find a reason to giv second chances to other guys out thr who deserves it...

Jenny~