ImperFectIons~

im a human being.... meanin im full of imperfections... im not a good girl like wat all of u think me of.. i have desires and i have wants like all other girls... the difference is that i know my limits and i know wat i shud do n wat i shud not do... my parents had taught me well enough about da boundaries that i shud not and never cross which i always remind myself and is one of the most important principles in my life...

but when it comes to being me, i juz wanna be the ordinary me.. i juz wanna be like u guys, like others and not being considered as the smart girl, the hardworking girl, the nerd in class, the unpopular girl, the girl who listens to everyone, the girl who dont get mad, the girl whose always humble, the girl who listens to everyone and do what others say, the girl who looks like she nvr got hurt b4, the girl tis n tat... do u know how suffering it is of not being myself? do u noe how bad it feels for being a hypocrite? do u noe how i feels of being ignored and received the false love from everyone? do u noe how much i need attention n love from everyone who can actually see the real me? do u noe how much anger i have to bear and stand ur DAMN behavior?

im fragile.. my heart breaks easily.. i nid attention.. i wanna fight back when ppl say me tis n tat.. but i juz cant do it.. bcoz im afraid.. im afraid of not being accepted in this friendship.. im afraid to tell ppl my secrets.. im afraid to fall in love to ppl.. im afraid to giv ppl second chance... im afraid... bcoz in my life, i have been lonely and ignored.. i have lost my best fren bcoz of my fault.. n i dont even noe if i have been forgiven.. i've lost someone i like n it hurts a lot.... A LOT.... ppl say open up, how do u expect me to open up if u dont shut ur f****** mouth and listen? ppl say give 2nd chance, how do u wan me to giv 2nd chance when everythin was washed away into the drain? U TELL ME!

im sick of these things.. i juz wanna lead a normal life.. i want attention and love.. i need true frens who understand me.. i need a guy who will be at my side when i nid him.. i juz nid a fren's hug and telling me that, its ok, everythin's gonna be fine.. im owes here for u.. i nid a fren who would come to me and say, "dont worry, i will nvr leave u.. coz we're frens, BFF, best friends forever..." i juz nid those kinds of words to soothe the inner me... i dont nid gifts, money, clothes or stuffs.. i juz nid a hug... which is y i miss my old frens..

those who r owes at my side, knowin when im goin to fall and cry... knowing how to make me ok, knowing that oni thru words, im gonna be ok... i miss them a lot.. i may look ok, i may look happy go lucky, but inside, u dont know how much pain i had to bear... how tiring it is to be enclosed in a shell, unable to break it open n reveal the real me...

i juz wanna be me.. i juz wanna be the real Jenny Elizabeth Lu and not the fake one..

Jenny~