after us.

So, one of my favourite youtubers, WongFu Production has released this new video entitled, "After Us" and I believe that everyone should really go and have a watch on that.. 
Especially those who are or have went through break-ups.
It basically displayed how one went through a break-up,
how one moved from one stage to another and why some couldn't move from it.
But at the end of the day, it is not about finding someone new to complete that missing piece in life,
it is about finding someone new in us to make us feel complete.

When I watched the video, I thought I would remember back those feelings again,
those warmth and memories which would have strangled me all this while and make me cry,
But the otherwise happened.
I can't remember how does it felt being held on or hugged,
I can't feel back those feelings in the past,
mainly because I guess I got over it?
I cant remember the memories anymore and didn't cry because of that already.
Instead, I cried at the point where it says that its ok to fall back a few steps,
because at the end of the day, we could continue moving and be strong.
And that's the point, I cried. badly.
not because I was sad, but because watching it makes me feel like looking at myself going through all this thing, 
and it make me felt touched that at the end of the day, I was able to pull myself up and become strong as depicted in the video.

I guess, I don't need one yet to complete the missing piece in me.
I just need one to show me which part of me is still missing.

Jenny~

Actresses

Sometimes, i deem myself as the best actress.
I dont show my true self to everyone,
I act according to the situation,
I act based on the people i hang out with.
Not because i hate them or whatsoever,
but sometimes, acting helps me not to hurt people's feelings,
or getting on their nerves.

But, it got so scary facing with other "best" actresses or actors too,
the ones who would smile to you,
and then stab you at the back.
the ones who talked good words into you,
and then stab you at the back.
the ones who would do nice things to you,
and then stab you at the back.

For people who knows me,
You might think I am vulnerable,
but i am strong enough to know the truth.
I might not be able to change 100%,
but once i figured out what went wrong, i tried my best to do what is right.
And if u dont tell me,
i wont know.
and that is what i call selfish.
I am angry with people like this,
but i believe in the statement that goes as follows,
do good to others, and expect the same in return.
do bad to others, and expect double in return.

Jenny~

speaking it out.

Those who knows me, 
know that I never say things out.
Instead, I keep it all up, bottled and sealed properly.
Main reason?
No one would get hurt from doing it.

But, today
I expressed my thoughts and feelings.
And the feeling?
It was good.
And make me thought twice,
on whether I should start doing this repeatedly..
But I guess not,
sometimes not telling might kill me inside,
but when there is no need to do so,
i prefer to let it flow in me and eventually washed up.

Anywayz, I could only wish that for this upcoming 4 months,
all of us could work together harmoniously to overcome all the obstacles,
interview, mqa, assignments, thesis, seminar and lots more,
without fights again or violent confrontation.
sometimes, in this types of situations,
i felt as if i am the eldest in the class when i am the youngest.
but will be blogging on that soon..
teehee..
for now, #ilovemyclassmates 

Jenny~

people

people.
people comes in many forms,
they could be one of the best actresses or actors,
they could also be someone whose being themselves at all times.
but sometimes,
i wonder,
why am i so unlucky to meet with people who acts for their own selfishness?
How could they be so selfish, concealing what they know for their own advantages?
and it just made me felt so betrayed at the end of the day.

When being asked and you answered,
and eventually someone told you that they have done it, or they have did it..
someone told you at the very last minute that they want this and that.
or even worse, they didnt say anything at all..
and made you stand there being criticised by others...
and affecting your grades..
how could they be so despicable in their actions?
should i be like that too as i am also one of those kinds of actresses?
should i treat them like how they treat me too?
if i said yes, would things be in my way?
and if i said no, would things eventually work out well?
sigh.
in this world, there is nothing that is scarier than human beings.

Jenny~

friends.

friends.

the next closest human beings other than our family members.

somehow, i dont really have any exciting or sad stuffs to blog about.

and yet, i feel like this blog is so empty,

so yeah, gotta fill it in with this,

my friend,

the one who go crazy and random with me at all times.

and since, i have not been uploading pics since several months back (due to safety issue that people might use it for other purposes),

i decided to start back on putting pics in my blog post starting with this one first,

since pictures could convey what we want to say in just one image..

hehe..

so tell me, what might these pictures convey to you? =)

two weird people taking weird selfies.

Jenny~

marriage

ok, i think i am in the right age to blog about this..
hahaha..
anywayz, marriage?
a super big word but yet i can see most of my friends and cousins, mutual and close ones are getting married one after another.
and the next question which was asked by my parents (constantly) was...
yesh, u guessed it!
when is my turn?
their usual conversations start like this:

Mom: Ei, you know, your cousin is getting married next year.
Me : And then?
Mom: ya lah, when is your turn la? When you wanna find a guy and get married la? dont wan to lose to them leh?
Me: (speechless).. Mi, i dont have boyfriend, how to kahwin la if like this? hahaha... Good la they getting married. The point is to see if they can tahan or not nia mah..
Mom: ya lah but still, u gotta find one ah and get married ah.. I am not supporting your expenses after u posted..
Me: ya ya, change topic..

So, there you go.
I wonder if my mom still remembers if i am currently still in my final years or not..
I mean who doesnt want to find a right guy, fall head over heels with him, get proposed and settle down?
I want to but the more i think about it, the more i feel i am not ready yet.
Not ready to work my ass off for a guy,
and the main reason is because i have not found that particular guy to work on just yet..
Marriage and relationship for me now seems quite a distance,
all i could do is to pray,
pray that the particular guy whom would work hard for me and make me dare to take the first step in working it out appears,
sometime, somewhere, somehow.
Amen.

Jenny~

back to life

Raya just passed,
and yes, i went back home for one week.
One pure week of delightfully gaining weight and full relaxation,
as well as spending 24/7 with my family members glued in front of the tv..
hahaha...
but its was a nice holidays,
where i didnt have to entertain people,
where i can be myself,
where i can eat good food without thinking about the price,
and able to have fun and laugh more with the people that i love..

and during this holidays,
i learnt a lot..
i learnt to ignore people,
i learnt to be thankful with what i have and make do with it,
i learnt to appreciate,
i learnt to let go people who dont deserves it..
i learnt not to take first steps these days,
and i learnt that, no matter how much i wanted something, i should never show that i am desperate for it,
i learnt to keep my values high and always expect the best for myself.

You can say that i should not do like that,
But you're not in my place,
I have had enough of being the one there,
it's time for someone else to do the job for me.
I learnt to only be there to those deserving,
other than that, be there for urself.

Jenny~