update part 1

now, i felt much more free to update this blog..
well, i have finished my practicum two weeks ago..
felt sad for leaving my kids behind but life has to go on..
all i can wish for them is that they would be able to do well in their studies..
and i went to Terengganu!
it was an awesome memory, as we were sponsored like from food to accommodation...
and the experience was super nice!
i fell in love with the hotel and its service..
and i wished to stay there for a longer time..
staying there makes me feel so relaxed and happy..
and did i mention, i made new friends there too?
and those friends were super funny and made my day even better back in terengganu..
but meeting these new friends made me realise a fact that i have been avoiding for ages..
and that would be on my next post.. 
hehe..
so, since i have nt been posting up pictures for quite some time in my blog,
i would do it in this post...
so PHOTOBOMB!

me n my new friends.. =)

me n my kids.. =)

my new friends.. =)

we were at the Sultan Terengganu's palace!

the winners!

and us at masjid kristal!

so, u can see how happy i was during the whole "vacation"! i wish for one more again.. hehehe...

Jenny

sometimes.

sometimes,
i wonder if i have taken the other way,
what would turn out for me?

sometimes,
i wonder if i am in different places,
who would i meet?

sometimes,
i wonder if i would be able to meet someone else,
like how every of my friend met one,
and stayed till now,
what would i be?

sometimes,
i wonder if anyone knew how i felt,
and put themselves in my shoes,
and felt what i felt,
what would they say?

sometimes,
i wonder if there is someone out there for me,
waiting for me,
what would that someone looks like?

sometimes,
i stopped believing for a while,
because there isnt anything to believe in.

just sometimes,
i wished i am somebody else,
somebody that has everything that i wanted in life.
somebody that has someone to love and care for a long, long time.
just that somebody.

Jenny~

dedicated to the one.

tonight, this post is dedicated to a friend of mine back in high school..
he is the one who left a really deep impression that changes me in being the me today..
he is the one who cheered me up whenever i feel depressed..
he is the one who though considered as a popular guy in the school, but never felt proud with it..
he is the one who fought for rights and whom i know one day would have his name on the newspapers for his future contributions..
he is the first one who saw me cry and shared ice-cream with me just to make me laugh at how stingy is he..
he is the first one whom i had my first dance..
he is the first guy that prepare me meal during high school..
and he is the first guy that make me feel touched with how nice is he..
he is the one that gave me memorable feelings and experiences during my high school..

and when he is now leaving to UK,
i felt sad..
though we didnt met or contact, but we talked on the phone..
and i really hope you will be ok..
really, really ok and be back here safely after two years..
and i hope you would remain the same old Mr. SpongeBob like how i used to know..
to this friend, i would always remember u buddy..
ur da nicest guy whom i know would never hurt me..
thanx for being such a good friend in high school till now..
thanx for the wonderful and funny advices given in high school..
and thanx for being such a wonderful role model to me till now...
i less than three u buddy...
have a safe journey and be back here safely..

Jenny~

one day.

weird.
one word. one sentence. one truth.
could make everything change.
one situation. one moment. one glimpse.
could cause pain.
one thought.
could make me feel like a stranger with no memories.

i know this would happen.
i just dont know when.
but one day is enough to let me see,
things would never be the same again.
sad but things gotta take its own course by now.

cry,
smile,
laugh,
pretend,
be strong,
that makes me being me now.

Jenny~

what makes me happy?

Happy.
a word that describes me when im smiling and laughing from within me.. 
a word that describes me when im in random and able to act like myself.. 
a word that describes me as trully happy, with no fake smiles or laughter... 
a word that shows the real side of me.. 
so what makes me happy?

if im given the chance to say everything, it would be an endless list..
but here are a few that i pick to share with my fellow readers..
1. God for answering my prayers, planning my future and always being there for me..

2. My family for supproting me, loving, caring for me and always make sure that i grow up happily..

3. My besties in college for their random antics, awkward moments, laughable crazy times and also for lending their shoulders and ears for my pleas and tears..

4. Food for being the comfort for me as it is the only thing that would not say no to me.. hahaa..

5. My favourite Kpop shows and celebrities for keeping me entertained with their cute, funny antics and how they could make me imagine of being near with them.. hahaa...

6. My songs for understanding my mood and plays well to my ears..

7. My kids for their endless smiles and behaviors that make me pissed off but at the same time, makes me miss them much much more...

when its time to remember, i would always remember.
when its time to forget, i would forget.

Jenny~

how are you now?

i remembered watching one of dankhoo's production video,

where i remembered crying badly over the video twice.

why?

of course because i am sensitive,

over-emotional

or maybe because i felt how it felt in the video.

today, someone asked me about you.

whether i'm still in touch with you,

whether i still talk to you,

whether i still care for you,

whether i still know hows ur progress,

and my only answer was no.

its not easy for me to bounce back to normal after knowing the painful truth.

and it was not easy for me to be ok..

i took time and tears to actually be ok..

and right now, i am still not really ok..

and because of that, i could not bring myself to do all those things..

i could no longer cry for u again,

so i prefer to be in this situation.

this makes me sad but it makes me happy at the same time..

hence, if you are reading this post,

how are you now?

are you doing well in your studies?

are you taking care of yourself?

are you happy now?

i hope all your answers would be yes.

my only message for you in this post is to take care of yourself and hope you're not troubled by anything in the past.

first love cuts the deepest?

yes.

Jenny.

when its those days.

when its those days,
when the clouds seem to cover the rays of light,
when the clouds darken,
when it starts to rain,
when it felt really cold,
really cold,
really dark,
really lonely,
i become me.

i become cold
i become dark
i become lonely
and it suddenly rains.

when would these clouds ever disperse?
when would the rays of light start entering into this heart locked up in a chest?
when would it stop raining inside me?
when would i start feeling the warmth?
when is the right timing?

Jenny.

is it the end?

practical is finally reaching the end.

though it is only 2 weeks ahead, but somehow i could smell the end of this semester is coming real soon..

and im gonna be back home by the end of da yr!

teaching,

a word that somehow reminds me of my passion and love towards it when i was small till now..

whenever i teach, i love the feeling where i am the centre of attention for my pupils..

i love when they learn something from me..

i love when i can see changes within my pupils..

i love to see them smile and enjoy my lesson..

but despite all the loves, the challenges would always present...

challenges in terms of documents that i believe is unnecessary...

since when practicing teaching requires so much burden on these filing and stuffs?

arent practicing is giving us a chance to learn something new and allow us to apply our knowledge to our pupils?

nevertheless, i love teaching.

i really do.

and most importantly, i would always love this one thing,

myself and teaching.

i guess right now my heart goes all out in teaching.

my goal for the next practicum?

hope that i will be able to do well and continuously ignite the passion to teach within me no matter what kinds of pupils i got..

Jenny~

when i come across.

when i came across,
that place,
that picture,
that sound,
that music,
that face,
do you know how it felt?

when i came across all those things,
slight pain occurs..
are you now happy standing by that girl while seeing her in love with someone else?
are you happy just by seeing her and unable to reach her?
coz when i see u doing that, i hurt.

Jenny.